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Name: Crescent City Institute
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Crescent City Institute -
12:56 am January 3rd, 2011
mustbecharming
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Characters: Gael and Leon Shaw
Setting: Leon's room
Content: Relatively safe? Probably some swearing/foul language/yelling... general fighting.
Summary: Wherein the twins talk for the first time since... The Fight.



Honestly, Gael felt horrible about how he reacted to Leon's news. It had just been... a shock. Something he really wasn't expecting. Now that he'd had time to process and think about it, he should have handled that better. Leon was his brother, his twin. The person he trusted most in the world, but when Leon had trusted him how had he responded? Just walking away. The worst thing you could possibly do to someone who just opened up to you, like he'd been trying to convince Leon to do for awhile. He could only hope that Leon would forgive him...

As he approached his twin's door, he wiped his hands against his jeans nervously. Usually, he could just walk into Leon's room without a problem, but now... They hadn't spoken in days, and this was not a normal occurrence. He couldn't remember a day in his life that Leon wasn't a part of. Taking a deep breath, he knocked once - twice - sharply on the other's door before tentatively opening it and peeking in.

"Leon...?"

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Thread started by Léon Shaw
mightbeclever From: [info]mightbeclever Date: January 3rd, 2011 05:50 am (UTC) (Link)
To say he was angry would have been a far cry from the truth. Leon had been a wreck that night, in part to his own stupidity, and in part to Gael's reaction. He'd been hurt, lost, and had no one to turn to. Sort of. Abernathy had probably been the one to keep him from doing something completely stupid, in the end. Adelaide had only been confused as to what was going on, and it hadn't been like he could tell her.

And in the end, twin power or not, he hadn't been able to face Gael at all in the days that followed. He was still hurt, he supposed.

"Yeah," was all he said when Gael opened his door and stepped in. His eyes stayed on the screen in front of him, and he tried not to focus on all the terrible directions the impending conversation could go.
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mustbecharming From: [info]mustbecharming Date: January 4th, 2011 02:29 am (UTC) (Link)
After the conversation with Rowan at the party, he'd figured he'd have to be the one to reach back out since it really was his fault... Of course, that made it all the more difficult for him to summon up the courage to talk to his twin.

His own twin of all people! He hardly felt worthy of the term anymore.

Well, at least Leon acknowledged him - somewhat, he thought as he entered the room, shutting the door behind him. Slowly, carefully, taking his time. Once the door was closed though, he wasn't sure what to do, opting to stand awkwardly in the middle of Leon's room.

"How are you?" Pathetic, Gael. Pathetic...
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mightbeclever From: [info]mightbeclever Date: January 4th, 2011 02:39 am (UTC) (Link)
"I'm fan-fucking-tastic," Leon answered as he leaned back in his chair and turned to face Gael. Was he supposed to be nice about all of this? He wasn't even sure at this point.

He sighed, scrubbing his hair with a frown as he looked to the side. "So? What do you want?" No reason to beat around the bush. Particularly not when Stas had drugs waiting on him.
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mustbecharming From: [info]mustbecharming Date: January 4th, 2011 03:28 am (UTC) (Link)
Gael couldn't help his wince at Leon's response and tone. Now that Leon turned to face him though, he dropped his gaze to his shoes and shoved his hands in his pockets. He didn't even know where to start...

Clearing his throat, Gael started glancing around the room, bouncing lightly on the balls of his feet. "I want--ed to talk to you... We haven't talked in a few days..."
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mightbeclever From: [info]mightbeclever Date: January 4th, 2011 04:27 am (UTC) (Link)
"I seem to recall you freaking out and pissing off to Merlin knows where." Leon countered, raising a brow as he stared at Gael. "So? You happy now? Got what you wanted to know and all that."

Maybe being aggressive wasn't the best of ideas, but it was hard to fight. It was one of the few tell-tale signs of Leon being off his meds, at least for his family. It also didn't help that he was down, still dealing with the after affects of New Years Eve with little motivation to go anywhere until now.
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mustbecharming From: [info]mustbecharming Date: January 4th, 2011 06:29 am (UTC) (Link)
He winced again, hunching in on himself a bit. He deserved that, he told himself. It was only natural. Leon certainly had every right to be pissed at him. "Yeah... I mean, no." He shook his head, pulling his hands out of his pockets to scrub his face.

I probably should have thought this out before hand, he thought to himself. Sighing, he tried again. "I'm sorry about buggering off on you like that. I shouldn't have and I know sorry doesn't do anything, but I just... am. And I'm not happy, that wasn't-- I just wanted you to trust me. It feels like you haven't really told me anything in a while, and I wanted you to know you could."
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mightbeclever From: [info]mightbeclever Date: January 4th, 2011 07:06 am (UTC) (Link)
"Sort of hard to trust you, though, when fuck off like that." Leon was answering honestly at least. He wasn't even sure how Gael felt at the moment about it, but he sure it was the opposite of 'life is wonderful'. Life was a long way from being wonderful.

"It isn't like I wanted to be..." gay. It wasn't as if he'd wanted to have those feelings at all. He'd known there were there since they'd started in the Upper Academy, though. Sort of as if a light bulb had magically flicked on in his head, and all his feelings made sense with one simple realization- 'I'm gay'.

Which had, in his opinion, been the beginning of the end.
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mustbecharming From: [info]mustbecharming Date: January 4th, 2011 07:15 pm (UTC) (Link)
It was almost as though he was developing a twitch, wincing and flinching whenever Leon said anything. Again, not that he didn't deserve it. That was probably part of why it was so hard to hear: it was exactly what happened and Gael was ashamed of that fact.

"I know, but..." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. This was hard. "It's not like you're different, y'know? I mean, you're still my brother. That doesn't change anything. Yeah, fucking off was fucked up and I shouldn't have done it, but you just... caught me off-guard and I had to process things. I'm really really sorry, Leon..."
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mightbeclever From: [info]mightbeclever Date: January 4th, 2011 08:54 pm (UTC) (Link)
"Yeah..." So, Gael was sorry. Good to know. Now what? did they kiss and make up? "Mum and Dad aren't going to be so happy." That was the understatement of the year.

He tapped his feet on the floor for a moment, rocking from side to side in his chair as he took a deep breath. He was waiting, he realized, for the questions. People always had questions, didn't they? The 'how do you know'? 'How long have you known'? Everything like that.
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mustbecharming From: [info]mustbecharming Date: January 4th, 2011 09:40 pm (UTC) (Link)
Gael gave a short laugh, shaking his head. It wasn't amused, but more of a nervous reaction. Yeah, that was putting it lightly. "Maybe they'll warm to the idea? I mean, they are our parents..."

That being said, it was unlikely that most of their family would accept it. Certainly not Meme and Pepe... He frowned at his brother, remembering what prompted him to talk to Leon in the first place.

"About those videos you posted... Is that really how you think of yourself?"
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mightbeclever From: [info]mightbeclever Date: January 4th, 2011 10:53 pm (UTC) (Link)
"What? Shocked to think that maybe I spend half my time wondering if I can be 'cured'?" Leon rolled his eyes. Alright, so coming out when you weren't comfortable with yourself was certainly a point he should have remembered. Also the point about not doing it in the middle of a fight.

Right.

"I shagged Addy, thinking if I could...maybe I'd feel different."
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mustbecharming From: [info]mustbecharming Date: January 5th, 2011 07:06 am (UTC) (Link)
"What? No, I mean..." That wasn't quite what he was asking, exactly. But he wasn't even sure what he was asking. "Do... do you hate yourself because of it?" To him that seemed important. Important in that it was distressing.

"...did it help at all?" Stupid question, but his brain wasn't really firing on all cylinders.
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mightbeclever From: [info]mightbeclever Date: January 5th, 2011 05:14 pm (UTC) (Link)
"I hate myself, Gael...because I am 'clinically depressed', which I am sure someone would say is because I 'can't accept my own sexuality'." Which was a round about yes, as he let his chair do a slow spin. It wasn't the most comfortable conversation, but it seemed worse for Gael than him. That, at least, amused him a little.

"No." He commented flatly about how the night with Adelaide had gone. "She fucking loved that night, loves me. I had to think a footballer just to get it up." Not really the most productive thing to realize in the middle of sex.
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mustbecharming From: [info]mustbecharming Date: January 6th, 2011 02:29 am (UTC) (Link)
"Right, yeah." Sometimes Gael wished he could just... shake the depression out of Leon or something. It hurt him to know that his brother hated himself, when Gael knew that without Leon he wouldn't be fully functioning. But it seemed that he would never be able to convince his twin of that fact.

He winced at the imagery. That was information he could have lived happily without. "So... what are you going to do, then?"
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mightbeclever From: [info]mightbeclever Date: January 6th, 2011 05:07 am (UTC) (Link)
"Don't know." Was all Leon could say, before standing and pulling on a hoodie. "Get high, get drunk, forget about it for a little while longer?" Though, he realized, he was turning to drugs more and more these days. The last month had probably been the longest he'd been clean and sober in over a year.

Not a brilliant track record. "Does it matter? Not like I can tell everyone the truth." They'd probably make his life hell just for the fucking sake of it.
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mustbecharming From: [info]mustbecharming Date: January 7th, 2011 05:20 pm (UTC) (Link)
Gael frowned. That wasn't exactly what he wanted to hear. Leon's movements suggested that he was considering this conversation over, but Gael wasn't quite done yet.

"That's not what I meant. It does matter." He ran a hand through his hair, agitated now. "You don't have to tell everyone, but some people deserve to know. What about Addy?" He stared at his brother. "You can't just keep doing this to her. And you can't keep filling yourself up with drugs and shit to try and forget about things."
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mightbeclever From: [info]mightbeclever Date: January 8th, 2011 07:29 pm (UTC) (Link)
He felt a pang of guilt when Adelaide's name was brought up. Yeah, he knew. He knew he had to tell her, but that seemed so hard and...well asking for trouble.

"Why not? Everyone else can do it, why can't I?" He wasn't even sure how he felt about the whole thing either. "What do you want me to do, huh? Go around tossing hearts and shit into the air?" Screw the logic. If drinking made him feel better for just a little while, why can't he get drunk?
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mustbecharming From: [info]mustbecharming Date: January 8th, 2011 07:35 pm (UTC) (Link)
He should have known this wouldn't be easy. Leon was never the easiest person to talk to when he was in a good mood, let alone when he was feeling more miserable and pissed off. But that never stopped Gael from trying.

"Yeah, but they don't do it the way that you do..." He didn't really want to sound like he was accusing Leon of being addicted or something when, you know, that's exactly what he was doing. "And no, I don't what you to throw hearts around and whatever the fuck, I just want you to know that you're not as along as you seem to think you are."
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mightbeclever From: [info]mightbeclever Date: January 8th, 2011 09:03 pm (UTC) (Link)
"They don't get high?" Leon gave Gael a look that said he hardly believed that. "Don't be such a fuckin' puss. Nothing terrible is going to happen to me because I get high. Just...enjoy the ride, yeah?"

He found his keys to pocket them, and slipped his wallet into his back pocket. Before heading toward the door, though, he slapped Gael on the shoulder and offered a weak, but there smile. "Buck up, go hang with Michi or something."
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mustbecharming From: [info]mustbecharming Date: January 8th, 2011 09:23 pm (UTC) (Link)
Gael rolled his eyes. "That's not what I meant, and you know it." He gave Leon a look right back. He couldn't help but worry. Drugs were definitely not the best thing to mix with anti-depressants... Not that Gael thought Leon had been taking them recently.

He gave Leon a half-hearted smile in return. It didn't reach his eyes, but his expression showed he cared. "Yeah, maybe. You know how to find me if you need me." He ran his hand through his hair, sighing a little. "I'm always here for you. No matter what."
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mightbeclever From: [info]mightbeclever Date: January 8th, 2011 11:02 pm (UTC) (Link)
"Yeah...I know." He smiled a little before opening his door and looking back. "Going over to Lalaurie, I'll be back late. Don't wait up, alright? Already have a mum, don't need two."

And with that, he pushed out the door and down the hall. He needed to get high, he decided, if he wanted to make it through this year.
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