Who: Dedalus Diggle and Eliza Alderton
What: How he's dealing with Elphias' situation
When: Right now
Where: Dedalus' room



Dedalus stared down at his journal, his eyes focused down on the words that Amelia Doge had written. He had to keep re-reading it to make sure that it was real, that those words were really there, and this wasn't just a dream. That it wasn't just a nightmare. But, they were there. Those words, telling all of Elphias' friends that he had just gone into cardiac arrest, which meant his heart had momentarily stopped beating, which meant that he had been dead for a while.

Elphias had just died. Even if it was only for a few seconds, even if it was only for a minute, or maybe even longer than that, he had been dead. And this hit Dedalus like a ton of bricks. It hit him fast, and unexpectedly, and he wasn't able to process all of this at once. He had his quill in his hand, wanting to write something, anything to ask Amelia questions, but there was nothing that he could write. His mind was blank, and he wasn't able to write anything. He couldn't think of any words he could write that would make all of this go away, and his mind had basically shut down. The news had come to him while he was in the library, trying to finish another one of those stupid essays. The sight of his journal flashing drew his attention, and he wasn't even going to open it. He was going to ignore it, and look later, but for some reason, something in his gut told him that he should open it right then and there. So he did. And that was what he got.

Everything went quiet around him. Nothing else existed except for those words, and he could feel his heart racing in his chest. It wasn't until he felt Ralph place a hand on his shoulder did he blink and snap out of it. He didn't even say anything, didn't even bother to grab his journal or his books as he pushed his chair away and walked upstairs to the Ravenclaw tower. He didn't make eye contact with a single person, and kept his focus on the floor. He was glad that he got there at the same time as a few second years, who were already walking through the door, since he knew that he wouldn't be able to answer any of the knockers riddles, no matter how easy it might have been. He made his way to his room, managed to mutter his password and slip inside, closing the door behind him as he made his way to his bed, taking a seat at the edge of it, his back to the door. He was hunched over, staring at the floor.

There were really no words to describe how he was feeling at that moment. He was sad, obviously, but he was also relieved that Elphias was better, or...well, he was alive again. He was angry, too. He was angry at the Death Eaters, for so many reasons, but most of all for releasing the virus in the first place. He felt guilty that he wasn't able to do anything, and he was annoyed that he was stuck at the school, not even able to be at the hospital. His chest hurt, and his eyes were stinging, but no tears had fallen yet. Not because he didn't want them to, but because he was still in shock. All he wanted to do was think, and be left alone, and not have to talk to anyone...which was why the knocks on his door were ignored. He didn't even tell them to go away, he just remained quiet, almost catatonic.

This was too much.

Eliza turned back to Emmeline with a frown as she leaned against Dedalus' door. The other girl had contacted her immediately, and any ill thoughts Eliza might have toward her were pushed away for the moment. She hadn't seen the entry about Elphias, or really knew what exactly was going on, but Emmeline looked a wreck and with the little she did know that---things were bad.

"He's not responding," she said, and Emmeline's frown tightened from her position on the arm of a nearby couch. Eliza knocked again, dropping her forehead to the door and shutting her eyes. If he didn't want her there, she'd understand. Eliza knew what it was like to want to be completely by yourself when you were sad or in pain, how the silence and just---maybe dwelling and thinking would make things better when you finally let yourself be embraced by someone who cared. She wanted to be there with him, because the idea of Dedalus being in pain and not being able to help was terribly upsetting, but...she'd do what he wanted.

Emmeline's journal shook and Eliza twisted a bit, forehead still against the door to watch the other girl read the latest. Oh, this couldn't be good. Dedalus needed to at least---maybe she could get him out, because not knowing what was going on was worse than the silence he was forcing on himself. If news was still pouring in about Elphias, then Dedalus should hear it, he needed to hear something before driving himself mad with 'what ifs' and questions and---maybe it would be better if he was hearing it from a live person and not some words on the parchment of his journal.

"Dedalus," Eliza called softly through the door, "I know you want to be alone, but---can I come in?" Her eyes shut again, getting herself ready for him to send her away, no matter how painful it might be.

Dedalus could hear the two girls talking outside of the door, but he wasn’t paying any attention to what either of them were saying. Every sound seemed muffled, and it wasn’t only because there was a barrier between them. He knew who the voices belonged to, though. That was clear to him. Emmeline and Eliza were the voices outside of his room. It was strange to think that he didn’t want to see even them, since they were the two people who usually comforted him the most whenever he was upset, or depressed, or stressed out. But he’d never been like this before. Not since his Grandfather had passed away in his first year, but he wasn’t even friends with the two of them back then. Back then it was Elphias who helped him…

He blinked as he heard another knock, turning he head to glance at the door behind him, internally debating about whether or not he wanted to get up and open the door, or face them. He knew that if he saw Emmeline right now, she would probably start crying, and then he would start crying, and everything would just be a mess, so he really didn’t want to see her right now. It was probably horrible of him to not want to deal with anyone else’s problems right now, even if they were the same as his own, but he wouldn’t be any help to Em right now, and she wouldn’t be any help to him. But, then there was Eliza. Yes, she was friends with Elphias and was probably upset about the news as well, but…it was different. She didn’t know about the virus, or about the Death Eater’s plan, but her voice, out of everyone else who had even tried to get his attention, was the one that got to him.

Shutting his eyes tightly, he brushed his hair back and nodded his head, as though she could see this through the door. It was only after a few seconds did he manage to let out a soft ‘yeah’, which probably couldn’t be heard unless you were leaning against the door and listening closely. Then again any sound that came from his room was probably noticed since he had been sitting in absolute silence for…hell, he didn’t even know how long he had been sitting there. For all he knew he had been in there for hours, but then again it could have only been a few minutes. He wasn’t even sure. He just knew he felt a bit numb and dazed, and still hadn’t fully accepted the severity of his best friend’s situation. Right now, he couldn’t.

She never liked going into someone's room without permission. Sometimes you had to, of course, but Eliza never felt comfortable invading someone's space. Emmeline gave her a frantic gesture to go inside, and pulling up some Gryffindor courage she turned the knob and quickly slipped in. Her heart ached at the sight of her boyfriend looking so miserable, and Eliza wasted no time in sitting beside Dedalus. Her hands dropped to her lap and she looked down at her shoes, not willing to say anything just yet. Or at all. Silence had always worked well for Eliza; she went her first semester at Hogwarts without saying a word, she understood silence better than most things and she knew how strong of an environment it could create. Eliza felt bad for interrupting Dedalus' blanket of silence, but it was one of those necessary times.

There was no way she could tell him that Elphias was going to be okay. There's no way she would. Eliza was far from a seer, she wouldn't dare predict the future especially pertaining to someone's life. She knew from experience that white lies only helped for the moment, and when a person was desperate enough they would cling to them with all the hope they had. And if they were proven untrue? It hurt like nothing else. Eliza didn't like to compare or use her own experiences to relate to other's troubles, she didn't think that things like this could be honestly related to each other, that everyone reacted and felt differently about things, but...but it did make her think that she could help the people more, if that made any sense and wasn't contradicting---Eliza knew and remembered what she'd needed during her dark times, so she hoped she could help.

So---for now, she'd wait to see what Dedalus wanted. They could sit there for hours in the dark, he could start to talk, or cry, or whatever boys wanted to do; maybe scream and yell, that was okay too. Eliza hoped that her calm silence was enough to let him know that she was willing to wait there for hours, days---she hoped he could tell.

He felt the bed shift a little as she sat down, but he didn’t move. He didn’t even glance at her, but remained staring at the floor. Dedalus probably looked a bit like a statue at the moment, the only signs of movement he gave were a few slow blinks. His posture was horrible, just sunk down with his hands laying limp at his sides on the bed, breathing quietly as he just thought back on the news he had received that day. He thought about Elphias, and the Doges, and the Healers…but then his thoughts shifted to something different. His thoughts went to a place he wasn’t familiar with, so he could only assume that it was Eliza’s thoughts running through his mind.

He wasn’t concentrating hard enough to not let it happen, so he was forced to think back on her past experiences, and go through what she was going through right now as well as what he was going through right now. But it made him realize that she just…wanted to help. Of course she did, he already knew that, but he didn’t think of anything she could do. Maybe he just…maybe he just needed to talk to someone. It didn’t happen right away, but eventually, he did. He spoke, with a quiet, and tired voice. “He was dead.” The sound of his own voice was so loud to him, after being in silence for so long. “He’s been my best friend for 7 years…and he died today.” The words he spoke made him freeze up again. “He died.” His jaw clenched, his eyes shutting as he ducked his head down, opening them again to look at his lap. He wasn’t sure what else he was supposed to say.

“He’s like my brother…"

Eliza's breath halted; Elphias had what? He had been--a look of realization came over her head; oh...he must have crashed, or...or whatever the actual healer terminology was. Oh. That was very bad indeed, and it was no wonder Emmeline had been so frantic, it was no wonder that Dedalus had locked himself in his room. The shock of it all could not be handled with a simple shake of the head, not when it was literally life or death. Eliza's lips pursed in bated thought; she could find out Elphias' condition right now, she believed, but that meant leaving Dedalus' side.

She squirmed only slightly, not out of nerves, but to get closer to him without getting too close. She wanted to touch him, in all these years Eliza had never been one to search for hugs or affection to cleanse her mind, but with Dedalus all she ever wanted to do was touch him. Whether it was simply holding his hand, or kissing him, or running her hands up and down his bare back---all she wanted was that intimacy only the sense of touch could provide. So--she would let him initiate anything he wanted to, but Eliza hoped he wanted, needed, to be as close to her as she needed him to be. This pain of honestly being useless to help the situation was beginning to sting more than she could have possibly imagined.

"He's alive," she finally said. Because at least that she knew to be true. "He's alive, you have to thank the fates for it, Dedalus. He's alive."

“…for now.”

His own pessimistic attitude on the whole thing was annoying him, because he was used to always thinking that things would be alright. He was used to being the one to tell everyone that things were okay, but right now he wasn’t sure. He wanted to be sure, though. There wasn’t anything Dedalus wanted more than to be completely sure that he was going to stay alive, after everything that had happened. But he wasn’t. No one could be. Not even the healers, since they were still trying to find a cure for what Elphias had. But nothing was working. Nothing was supposed to work, that was the whole point, wasn’t it? This was what the Death Eaters wanted. This was why they created the virus in the first place, wasn’t it?

“I want to be able to believe that he’ll get better. I do. I want to know he’ll be alright, and that he’ll live, but I don’t…because what he has doesn’t have a cure…”

Eliza wouldn't deny that she wasn't a bit surprised by his response. Dedalus was usually an optimistic person, or at least he found logical reasons behind why things would happen, why they wouldn't. Never these morbid words. Eliza opened her mouth to respond, but was glad that he started talking again, because she didn't know what to say. For now? It sounded almost as if Elphias was often put into life-threatening situations. Why would Dedalus think that more bad things like this could happen, when...when they happened so rarely? Or, at least---not to them. No, not any of them.

"I---no one can know," she responded sadly, twisting and pulling a leg beneath her so she could look at Dedalus, even if it was only his profile. "Because---well, they're...they're looking for a cure. They'll find one. So...no one knows. I mean. He could be perfectly healthy tomorrow, no one knows, I---I don't know what else to say, I'm sorry." Eliza frowned, now feeling completely useless. He wanted answers she couldn't give him, and that hurt---oh, hell, she should just leave, it wasn't as if she was helping. How could she help! She wasn't smart like Dedalus or--like Emmeline, she couldn't do the research and figure something out, and if they couldn't--and the healers couldn't, then---then all she could do was listen. And sit. And wait.

"I'm sorry."

He let out a soft sigh as she spoke, leaning over so he could place his head in his hands, his fingers curling into his hair, gripping at it gently. He knew she was just trying to help, and he wouldn’t know what to do if he was in her situation either. He’d probably be trying to do exactly what she was doing, which was point out the good things that were going on and not the bad things.

“No, Eliza it’s not your fault, don’t apologize…it’s not your fault, I know you’re trying to help, but I’m not-…I’m not just talking about what happened today, what happened to him…” He shut his eyes tightly, feeling them sting again as he thought back on the events of that day. His head shook from side to side before he let his hands drop, straightening out to turn and look at her. It was the first time he had fully acknowledged her, and focused on her when he was speaking to her. “This is just part of something…I-…I never told you about it because I didn’t want you to worry. I didn’t-…I wanted to protect you. I didn’t want you getting involved, but I just… I need to tell you the truth. About…what’s going on with Elphias, and, about everything else that I’ve been keeping from you for so long.”

His eyes dropped down to the mattress that was between them, his hands rubbing against his thighs as he bit down on his lower lip. “I just…I need to know you won’t say a word. This it bigger than anything I’ve told you before…” This wasn’t just telling her about the Order, this was telling about where he’s been going late at night, why he’s really never around, and what he’s been doing. He was doing something good, he knew that, but…he wasn’t sure how she would take the news that he had almost been killed every time she had no idea where he was.

Eliza's lips tightened, and she felt herself stiffen even if she didn't want to. He was being terribly cryptic and morbid, and talking about...secrets. And Eliza hated secrets, she really did---she had on her shoulders Ingrid and Gillian's pregnancies, she kept things for Brianna a secret, she hated the pressure and hated that if she messed up, she would be the one that got into trouble for spilling, even though the person who told her the secret was the one who did the bad thing or...or whatever it was, or---oh. This was serious. This was very serious and Eliza wasn't sure if she was taking regular breaths anymore, because even though he'd shown her the time turner and told her about his busy schedule, she still found herself wondering about his late nights and thinking that he couldn't mess up the timing that badly, so many times and---she---she just didn't know. But, it was serious and he wanted to tell her, and he wanted her to keep it a secret and...

"I won't tell," she finally let out with a long breath. She wanted to take his hand and hold it to make sure that he could tell, but Eliza couldn't bring herself to. Dedalus' words brought upon too much worry and concern for her to try and be truly sympathetic. What could he possibly be hiding that he was so nervous about? That she had to swear not to talk about? Because--the time turner was huge, so...so this...he wanted to protect her and keep her safe and what was her boyfriend doing? Oh. Bugger. This was not how she'd imagined this conversation to go at all, and Eliza forced herself to remain calm before she had a complete nervous breakdown with all that had happened in the past few days. "I promise."

Dedalus nodded, thankful that she had managed to say something. He could see how overwhelmed she already was, and this was before he had told her everything, so it was understandable why he was a bit nervous about saying everything. But today was just…he didn’t care. He had to get it off of his chest. He couldn’t keep it a secret anymore.

“We’re…we, being Elphias, Emmeline, and myself…we’re part of a resistance, against…against you-know-who.” There was a pause, his eyes focusing on anything but her. “Whenever I’m not here…whenever you have no idea where I am, I’m fighting for them. We’ve all been fighting, and we’ve all been risking our lives for the cause, because it’s a cause worth fighting for.” He swallowed roughly, and turned to stare at the floor again. “But this cause is why Elphias-…” He couldn’t even finish the sentence. He had already spoken about it once, and he couldn’t bring himself to keep saying it over and over again. Everything went silent, his hands balling into fists as he tried to fight against the tears that were now so close to spilling out. “They did this to him…the Death Eaters, his army, they did this to him…they created the virus, and it’s…let’s just say it’s done its job. They just didn’t expect him to come back from it.”

He was sure that all of this sounded so ridiculous, that it all sounded like he was making it up, but the fact that a stream of moisture was already cascading down his cheek was very real.

She didn't bother to try and ask questions. Eliza's arm went across Dedalus' chest to pull him to her and she hugged him tightly around the neck, pressing her face into the side of his hair. Just to hold him, just to let him know that she was there for him and she would--always be. She'd always be there, here in his room when he came back from doing what ever this...this resistance did. Fighting against You-Know-Who, oh...Dedalus was out there risking his life like the aurors she read about, but he was just a kid, they were all just kids and---she wouldn't ask now how he'd gotten involved in all of this, not now, not when he obviously couldn't talk about it at length, not---oh, she'd never seen him cry, or be this upset, and Eliza felt her own face screwing up at the utter pain she knew Dedalus was feeling.

This was far too much for an eighteen year old student to have to deal with. No, no, he should just be worried about his tests and his homework and becoming a healer and---and, oh. Oh, he shouldn't have to be worrying about the war. They were all so young, they were all too young or this. Eliza continued to grip onto him, even though the thoughts of the fact that they'd be out into the real world in just three months came to mind. They weren't innocent children anymore, come June they'd be adults and thrust out into the real world where they would have to deal with the war and with the consequences and with death---every day there was going to be something new and terrible to deal with, but---but she'd be there, for him. That thought kept coming back around, the idea that Dedalus was never going to be alone because she'd be there, even if Eliza didn't know how much help she could be.

"You're so brave," she murmured into his ear, refusing to loosen her grip. She'd practically be on top of him if she attempted to pull herself any closer than she already was.

There were no words to describe how it felt to have Eliza’s arms around him at that moment. His breath got caught in his throat as he turned to her, his own arms automatically finding there way around her back, one near her waist as the other was horizontal so his hand was near her shoulder blade, his fingers curling into the fabric of her shirt there, holding her close. He needed to have her there, and he needed to hold onto her, because right now, it was the only thing that was giving him any sort of comfort at all.

His breathing became a little bit shaky, and it wasn’t until she spoke those three words did more tears finally spill out. He was…brave? No, he didn’t feel brave. He didn’t feel that way at all. He felt useless, and powerless, and weak because he couldn’t do anything to help his friend. If he was brave, he wouldn’t be hiding in his room. If he was brave, he would be trying to comfort others, instead of sitting there, crying. He didn’t feel brave. Not right now. Right now, he was scared out of his mind. He couldn’t be a shoulder to lean on, not when he was hardly supporting himself as it was.

This really was far too much for an eighteen year old student to have to deal with. But he had to.