WHO: Joy Diserafino, Cormac McLaggen, & Christopher Diserafino
WHAT: Nine months is a long time to hold back your anger.
WHEN: December '78
WHERE: McLaggen driveway

"Yes, put out your arm--give mummy your arm and we'll put it in the slee--there!" Joy grinned and leaned forward, brushing her nose against the tiny baby's. She felt a certain immeasurable rush of joy (ha ha... shut up) when Cormac smiled back. Pulling him completely into his coat (it was so tiny, my gosh), she pushed the hood up over his head and laid him down in his stroller, snug in his favorite green blanket.

She wouldn't have thought that it'd be a good idea to take him out in this cold, but his pediatrician had said that it was healthy to get him out of the house (and get herself out of the house) every once in a while, even if it was only for five or ten minutes. So Joy had been making a habit of taking Cormac on little walks during the day, right after she fed him at noon. Then it was so convenient because pushing him around in the stroller seemed to lull him to sleep quite nicely and then she had a quiet afternoon and he was always up right in time for when Finn came home and he could eat again and they got lots of family time and then he went to sleep again and didn't wake up again until about two or three a.m. and--oy, just listen to her!

Joy would've never believed herself just months ago, but Merlin, she sounded like a real mum. Like, the kind that knew all those crazy little things about her kid that made normal people stare, like the kind that was, well, that was getting good at this. Of course, taking care of a baby was going to be a lot different than taking care of a toddler, or a ten-year-old, or a teenag--aha, well... She'd worry about that when it came. Right now, she just had three and a half week old baby and she was good with three and a half week old babies so far, so... so yes! She was getting good. Great, even.

She was proud.

She was... seeing things.

The wheels of the pram halted on the concrete halfway down the walk, its pusher standing in stunned silence staring over past the other side of the wrought-iron fence that encircled the property. No no no, there was no way that she was really seeing this, because there was a person standing on the other side of the gate staring nervously at the little buzzer and that person looked a whole lot like a man that Joy knew well, like---like her father. She blinked confusedly, aware of the sudden spike in her heart rate as she inched the pram forward just a couple feet more, tilting her head and regarding Christopher Diserafino with bewilderment.

The closer she got, the further and further her hope dropped at it being some fine imposter. No, the handsome face, (slightly more age lined than she remembered, but the same altogether), the sandy brown hair slicked back professionally, right down to the cut of his suit... There was no denying that it was really him. Christopher Diserafino was standing at her (well, Finn's, but) front gate and extending his finger awkwardly towards the call button--

"Daddy?"

Christopher must have jumped a mile in the air, which caused her to jump, which caused the pram to jolt, which caused Cormac to start crying, and Joy rushed over to the other side and lifted the baby out, hitting the wheel lock with her foot. She turned back to her father in all his stunned and embarrassed glory, bouncing her son and whispering soothingly in his ear to stop the crying. She waited for a moment for him to say something, but Christopher seemed unable to form words. Joy followed his eyes down to the now unhooded lightly red-haired head of Cormac, whom he was giving a look of astonishment far surpassing the one he'd given her at her appearance.

"What're you doing here, Daddy?" Joy bent her head to catch his gaze and he shook his head as if waking from a daydream, responding to his daughter's insistent tone. Now from up close she could really see his features--everything just as she recalled, as if nearly a year's time (holy shit) hadn't changed him at all. Except for the presence of those creases on the sides of his eyes and in his forehead... He'd always had a young face (he was young still, not quite yet forty-two), but she had memorized it much younger. Had he really accquired all those worry lines within the span of nine months?

Aha, right. Yeah, all things considered, he probably had.

"What am I---oh, I just... I thought..." He cleared his throat and shifted his weight uncomfortably. Joy wondered for a moment... if she hadn't caught him there, would he have actually rung the buzzer, or would he have walked away? He didn't look like a man who was ready to come see their new mother of a daughter for the first time in nine months--then again, how did you really prepare for that? "You look... good, Joy."

She nodded and averted her gaze, not knowing what to say or do short of running over and kissing him and she wasn't about to let herself do that because fuck, she had to remind herself that he didn't deserve her affection. He didn't deserve shit from her, not after what he'd done, not after he'd fucking, cut her off like he had, right when she'd needed him the most. Joy felt a relieving rush of anger and courage and she tightened her hold on Cormac as she came up to meet his eyes again in reimbued strength. He didn't even deserve her to acknowledge his presence, not after all that--she'd never do that to Cormac, no matter how stupid he got or what kind of trouble he got into and she didn't need to respect the kind of person who would.

"Are you going to stop wasting my time, Dad, or is there something of actual importance that you'd like to say?" she bit harshly, even though somewhere in the bottom of her heart, she was screaming at herself to bite her tongue. That she should invite him in, get rid of the anger and forgive him. Fuck that, he'd kicked her out on her arse, and she could leave him out on his right back. "Maybe you could stop blocking the walkway, I'd like to get Cormac out and back inside before he catches a cold."

There was a glimmer in her father's eye that was not-so-well hidden pain at her tone, but he continued to stand there, regarding his daughter with as neutral a face as he could muster up. "I just thought that I would see... see how you're doing."

Oh, that was it. That was it! Whatever rationality she held was blown right away and she just--there was no other term for it--she burst. "See how I'm doing? See how I'm fucking doing!?" she yelled, loudly and furiously enough to drown out Cormac's continued cries. "Who the fuck do you think you are, coming up here, acting like you give half a shit about how I'm doing! You have no right to know how I'm doing and you haven't had the right since you wrote me off nine months ago! And don't get me started about how insulting it is for you to act like you care after that, oh I should---seriously, if you really want to know, I think it's pretty fucking obvious that I'm doing fine, swell, fantastic, even! Look at this, Dad--" she motioned behind her at the house "--I've got a place to live, I've got a job, I've got Finn, a guy who actually gives half a shit about me and our son, and you know what I've got most of all? I've got a family, a real family that cares about me, that supports me, that's there for me. So you can take your money and your fake 'I'm sorry's and shitty fathering skills somewhere else, because I don't need them anymore. I don't need you anymore, and Cormac certainly doesn't need a grandfather like you ever, so get out before I hex you out myself!"

She didn't have to ask him twice, because even before her last word finished echoing off the house behind them he had turned around and begun briskly walking off. Joy was left there in the driveway, breathing heavily and watching him go. She bounced Cormac slightly as he wailed at a new found volume, although it seemed he was now inconsolable. Frustrated, angry, but out of all energy, she kicked the wheel lock on the pram and turned around as her father disappeared into his car and drove off, retreating back into the house with a slam of the front door.

She suddenly didn't feel like having a walk anymore.