August 12th, 1978
Who: Estella Derrick and Caden Flint and little girls! Tee!
What: After last night, things are a bit awkward at Estella's dance recital
Where: Estella's dance studio



“And then Melissa was being mean and wouldn’t give back my caps, but then my mummy came and got them back and then I had to dry my hair but mummy did it with her wand and I’m really sorry I missed the first few dances I am so sorry but one of the other swimmers got hurt and we were going for the championship and they needed me.”

“Emma, Emma it’s okay,” Estella said with a reassuring smile as she laced up the girl’s slippers. It had been okay, they’d always been one extra in those dances that had irked Estella greatly, so with Emma’s absence the performances finally looked balanced and symmetric. Everything had gone off quite well, and Estella ushered the girl into the dressing room to get dressed and get prepared for the second half. When the door shut, Estella hurriedly made her way out from backstage and to the empty hallway outside of the auditorium. It had been a long weekend.

She felt so horrendously stupid about the night before. What was she thinking, snogging Caden? It wasn’t as if he’d exactly protested, but it still shouldn’t have happened. She had a son and so did he and---they could just be gallivanting around, snogging random people…not…that they were exactly random anymore, this had to be the third or so time they’d spent time together even…if it wasn’t under the best of circumstances and…oy.

It didn’t matter, anyway. He’d run off, probably realizing what a huge mistake he’d just made. Estella couldn’t blame him, it wasn’t as if she was much of a catch; a nutty mother who seems to have no problem snogging random blokes on office desks. She sat on the ledge of one of the windows in the hallway, left fingers crossing each other. Estella hadn’t put her wedding ring back on after she’d taken it off before the single’s event, she couldn’t.

Caden Flint hadn’t stopped pacing around his apartment since he had woken up that morning. He was horribly hung over, and he probably looked like shit, but he didn’t even care. With his arms crossed over his chest, he stepped from one side of the room to the other, biting at his lip ever so gently as he tried to figure out what he was supposed to do.

He had kissed her.

Was that wrong? Was it wrong for him to have feelings for another woman? No, it probably wasn’t, but because it was the first woman he had been with in any way, shape, or form since Mackenzie, it felt like it was. But, this is why Jolene had forced him to go to that thing, right? To help him ‘move on’? And then, when he was finally starting to, what the fuck happens? He looks at that God damn calendar. It was the 11th. The day before Mackenzie’s birthday.

She would have been 24.

He couldn’t sit around all day thinking about what had happened the night before. It was driving him crazy, and along with feeling guilty about kissing Estella, he felt guilty about the fact that he didn’t even explain to her why he had run off. She probably thought he hated her, and that was the furthest thing from the truth! He hated himself really, for handling the situation like he had. But, it just came as a shock to him when he saw the date. Like, it was a sign or something like that. Then again, he was sloshed at the time, so maybe he was just being paranoid. That was it. It had to be. It was the only way he could appear sane in that situation.

Continuing to pace, he eventually sighed heavily, something finally clicking. She had mentioned her recital. She had a recital today. He had to apologize, or do something to explain what had happened the other night. So, grabbing his wand, he appeared outside of that familiar dance studio. Last time he had been there, he was also apologizing…it seemed like a pattern, didn’t it?

Opening the door, he expected to see the woman at the desk again, but didn’t. Instead he saw a sign that said “RECITAL! OFF UNTIL TOMORROW!” He moved forward and opened another door a little further ahead, seeing a long hallway ahead of him, with a few more branching off. He cursed to himself, not realizing that there was anyone else around until he heard a small gasp of shock coming from beside him. Turning, he saw a little girl who was wearing a tutu. He recognized her from Estella’s class. Maybe she could tell him where he needed to go…hey, it was worth a shot.

“Er, sorry about that.”

“You said a bad word.”

“Yeah, I know. Uh, you’re-…?”

“Cristina!”

“Right. Well, Cristina, I’m looking for your dance instructor. Miss Derrick, I believe?”

“Oooh…um…well…its intermission. And, I don’t know if boys are allowed backstage or not.”

The tiny brunette looked as though she were seriously contemplating something. For the first time in a while, Caden couldn’t help but smile just a bit at the young girl’s internal debate. “Tell you what, Cristina, if you take me backstage I’ll wait outside until she comes out…that sound okay?”

“Yep!” Reaching out, she took his hand, and led him through the hallways, skipping as she did so. Before long, she nearly skidded to a halt and pointed to the nearby window. “There!” She cried, not exactly quiet. Turning, he gave her a nod of thanks, and let her skip the rest of the way backstage, as he awkwardly approached the older woman who was sitting on the windowsill.

“I didn’t know how to get to the stage…” he explained, gesturing to where the little girl had run off to. “I know you have a lot going on tonight, so I’ll try not to take up much of your time…but I think I owe you some sort of an apology…”

Okay, this wasn’t going to be awkward or weird at all. Nope.

Cristina wasn’t exactly the quietest girls in the class, far from it actually, so Estella had seen them coming down the hall and had given herself enough time to calm her nerves and figure out what she was going to do. Oh…who was she kidding, Caden could have taken two years to walk down the hall and she still would be fidgeting and wishing she could just disappear. Which she could, but disapparating at the sight of a person could only lead to bad things. Right. Well. She smiled at him as he approached, and hated herself for thinking about how handsome he was, because that lead to recalling how well he’d kissed her and how good it’d felt and…

…if she put everything aside, could you really blame her? She was a young woman who hadn’t been, in any sense of the word, sexually active in over a year. Over a year because the last few months of her pregnancy she’d been quite unbearable and huge and just---she couldn’t remember the last time she and Jake made love, and while that saddened her to no end, it had definitely built up a lot of…energy that still hadn’t exactly been used and…she was human, okay? Caden got her all hot and bothered and while her body was quite okay with this, her mind was going into an absolute frenzy.

“You don’t have to apologize,” Estella muttered, even if that was her automatic response to people apologizing to her. She never felt like she deserved it, that it was always her fault. Her eyes drifted to her lap then back up to Caden, with a slight shrug of her shoulders. “We…both weren’t exactly in the right state of mind.”

“As true as that may be, it doesn’t really excuse the fact that I just…left.”

Because, I’m a fucking wanker.

“So, yeah, I think I do need to apologize…” But there was more than that. He stood there for a few moments, glad that he was at least 5 feet away from her, where he couldn’t smell her shampoo, or the sweet scent of whatever soap it was she used. God, why couldn’t he get her out of his head?

Okay, maybe that was obvious. The reasons he kept thinking about her like he did were the same reasons she kept on thinking about him. But, it wasn’t just about…that. He wasn’t like that. Sure, that was a definite thought that came to his head when he was around her, but that wasn’t the only thing he could think about. He found himself thinking of the small crinkle in her nose whenever she chose to smile, and the way she always seemed a little nervous around him, like a shy school girl with a crush. And this was after 4 days. 4 days that he spent with her, and they weren’t even consecutive.

“But I also think I owe you an explanation, which…might take a little while longer.” He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, silence falling between them as he stared at the floor. Eventually, he made eye contact with her again. “Do you think we could walk? I need to move around…do something. I feel like an idiot just standing here.” He needed to ease his nerves, is what he really needed to do.

“I’ll make sure you’re back before they start again.”

She stood and nodded without saying anything, because if she did Estella was quite sure that it would come out as gibberish. She’d never been a very smooth talker, but at least she could keep herself quiet when she knew she might ruin a situation. Ruin a situation, ha, right. Her mind was still swirling with what she could’ve possibly done to send Caden running last night. She wasn’t that bad of a snogger, right? Oh, Merlin’s pants, maybe she was and he’d never want to see her again---

---and see, that was the thing. If she was just looking for sex, she wouldn’t exactly care if he owled her the next day, she shouldn’t! It could have been a one time thing to get the motors running and they’d be on their way, but Estella had gone home feeling absolutely miserable at the idea of ruining…anything she might’ve had with Caden. She didn’t know him very well, but she liked him. He was different, he knew what she’d been through and wasn’t pitying her, it was---it was refreshing and the idea of having killed that something she might’ve found was devastating.

“We’ve got about twenty minutes,” Estella said as they started walking, and she pushed open the door leading to the back of the studio; a garden area that the girls tended to themselves (with help, of course). It helped with the atmosphere, they liked to say. “So no worries.”

He nodded as well and followed her out into the garden, very thankful that they had gone outside. It gave him a chance to breathe.

“Alright…that should be more than enough time.” Without realizing it he had already started to walk around the garden, his hands rubbing together as he thought of how to put his words. Nothing was said again, until he decided to take a seat on a nearby ledge, his hands still rubbing together. There was no bump against his right hand where there used to be when he moved is along his left hand, being that he was no longer wearing that golden band. He had taken it off last night after getting a million questions about it, and hadn’t put it back on since. He made a vowel noise, before he cleared his throat. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed but, uh…July and August aren’t exactly my best months…” He shifted in his spot and stared at the floor, not saying anything at all for a few more moments, as he rubbed his left ring finger with his right thumb, not even noticing he was doing it. It just felt so empty without something there.

“I…” This one letter broke the silence, and even though it only lasted a second, it seemed to hang in the air until he spoke again. “I lost my wife…the day my son was born…” he explained, quietly, still staring at the floor. “I can’t go into detail about how it happened, but it was just…” he shook his head, sighing heavily at how frustrating it was to try and talk about it.

“I’m asked questions about it all the time. It’s like, even if I try to move on…even if I try to for-…fuck, not forget…” he rubbed his brow and then rested his hands at his sides, gripping at the ledge as he tried to get his words right. “It’s not easy…to be reminded. It’s hard enough without all that.” Feeling that this wasn’t a very good explanation about last night, he went on. “Mackenzie…my wife, or, ex wife, I don’t even know anymore…she died almost exactly a month before her birthday…July 13th, Marcus’ birthday.” He raised his eyes to meet her. “Her birthday would have been today. August 12th.” He let the information sink in before he went on. “I didn’t even realize what day it was until I glanced at the calendar that was behind you, on the wall.” Again silence came between them, and he stared at the floor. “So, that’s why I left. At the time, it was all I could think of to do…because like you said, we both weren’t exactly in the right state of mind.”

“I really wish we weren’t so similar,” Estella muttered, looking down at her hands, a grim smile on her face. To be honest, she’d known his wife had died that day; at least, after she’d grown a bit interested in Caden. She’d had no problem in pulling up information (he really was famous, Merlin, where had she been?) and was immediately guilt-ridden and shocked at how alike their stories were. Their sons never had both parents in their lives, they lost them before they could even appreciate it---how strange it was that they managed to meet up…well…no, Estella had heard of these survivor stories before, they happened when tragedies struck, but they had honestly been a stroke of luck. Or bad luck. Or. Just. Coincidence.

She put her hands to her face to catch her breath before turning to Caden with a sad smile. “Jake died in the Diagon Alley attack last year, we’re not sure how, my brother identified his body in the morgue.”

Estella was surprised at how easily that had come out, even if her chest was feeling incredibly constricted. Caden had just shared his story, now she’d share hers. She took another breath before looking out to the gardens, kicking her feet idly.

“I had Jacob at…it was 6:54 in the morning; I remember because Jake thought it was so funny…you know…six, five, four,” Estella waved a dismissive hand with a soft laugh, recalling her husband’s goofy laugh at silly things like that. “And…lunchtime rolled around, and I couldn’t stand to eat, so I told him he should just go and get something, you know…not hospital food.”

Her eyes were watered and her voice was shaky, but Estella was determined to finish because she wasn’t feeling particularly sad about it---of course she was sad about losing Jake, but this was his story and she should be able to tell it when she wanted, and---oh, she was making no sense. “So---a couple of hours roll by and I’m alone in my room, not even with Jacob because he had some breathing problems and---that night, I find out about the attack, my brother tells me that Jake’s missing and…”

Caden could figure out the rest. Estella shook her head and looked down for a moment before wiping at her eyes. She’d have to retouch her makeup. “I really wish we weren’t so similar.”

His stomach tied into knots as he watched her struggle with her husband’s story. Part of him wanted to rise to his feet, wrap his arms around her and tell her everything would be okay, but really, what good would that do her? He didn’t know that ‘everything would be okay’ and he sure as hell hated when other people said that to him. So, he remained seated on the opposite side of the garden, letting her speak until she had nothing more to say.

A silence fell between them again, though this time it wasn’t awkward. It was just…peaceful. lt felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of his shoulders, as he spoke for the first time to anyone about Mackenzie. He didn’t even speak to Jolene about her, because…well, she was there. She knew the story. There was nothing to tell. Half the wizarding world had already been filled in on what had happened that day by papers, and tabloids, so he hadn’t ever had to speak a word about it. Maybe that was a mistake. He had been holding it in for so long, that now that it was out in the open, he felt…relieved.

“I didn’t cry…" Okay, random, but he continued on. "When I found out that she was-…” he stopped and sighed heavily, "I didn't cry." His brows furrowed and he shook his head. “I didn’t even cry at her funeral.” He sounded as though he was disappointed with himself. Because, really, who did that?

“I dunno if it helps much,” Estella said, shoulders slumped as she stared across the garden at Caden. He looked awful torn about it, but she personally hated crying. It didn’t make her feel any better, she usually felt worse after the fact, and it just made people feel sorry for you. That was the worst bit of it. Estella stared at Caden with much interest, and somehow knew that deep down, if it had been her that died and not Jake, she would not have wanted him to end up like she had. The thought was startling, but the idea of Jake being as depressed as she had been this past year made her heart ache more than the thought of him being gone. Because, happiness was what you wanted for your significant other, right?

Jake was happy somewhere. He got to see Jacob whenever he pleased, he could watch down on them all the time, and Estella was one that believed that those who have passed actually do play a part in the lives of the living. At least, she liked to think that Jake had some sort of role in her and Jacob’s lives, even though he wasn’t physically there.

She’d be happy for him, he had always been such a happy person, and Estella knew it would have broken his heart to see her like this. She pushed herself up and slowly crossed over to stand in front of Caden, smiling solemnly, pushing some hair that had fallen out of her bun out of her face.

“Would you maybe want to get drinks sometime? We haven’t actually had the chance to sit down for what normal people would consider a da---meeting.”

He didn’t even realize that she had been staring at him for so long, being that he only looked up at her again when he noticed her moving out of the corner of his eye. He remained seated, though he did straighten up so that they would be almost eye level with each other. Her question made him go silent for a second, but when he did speak he didn’t even realize it.

“Sure.” He said, and then proceeded to stammer with a better response. “I mean, yeah. Yes.” He said with a nod to make sure she knew that that was his final answer.

Estella felt her face flush as she smiled, a real honest smile and she clapped her hands together as if just completing a deal. Was this a date? Oh, Merlin, what had she done? Not that it was a bad thing, no, no, far from it---actually, you could look at it as a make up from the previous night, where they’d completely broken all the rules of a date and—yes. She was going to look at it as a date, a date that was supposed to fix the little mess they’d made the night before.

“Well! Okay then!” she let out a nervous giggle because, oh, it had been years since she’d gone on a date, and Caden had been, for a lack of a better definition, her guilty pleasure for the past few weeks, so… “I...will owl you. With good times, you know. Babysitters and all.”

It seemed like the proper way to say goodbye, leave it light hearted and…oh. They were close. Estella had involuntarily moved forward to kiss him goodbye, haaaa, ohh…okay, first kiss without being completely pissed and intoxicated, oh, okay---ah, he was so handsome, she could barely stand it and---

“MS. DERRICK WE’RE STARTING!” a squeaky voice called from the other end of the garden. Estella jumped away from Caden and glared; kids!

“JULIE GO GET ON STAGE!” Estella watched the girl jump and disappear through the door again. She turned with an annoyed expression back toward Caden, and before she could lose her nerve (Estella Derrick, nerve?) she ducked down and kissed him soundly before waving goodbye and hurrying back to the stage.

A date!