WHO: Theo Nott and Holly Troy
WHAT: Death
WHERE: Her old house
WHEN: A day or two after their last thread
When Theo finally came around, it took him far longer than he liked to gather his bearings. The house was eerily silent, and his groan from sitting up seemed to echo off the walls. He had no idea what time it was when he finally made it home or when passed out from the potion his wife had given him. He didn’t even have a clue of how long he had been out.
He ran his fingers over the mostly healed gash on his leg. Holly had done an outstanding job considering the circumstances. He couldn’t even express the relief that he did not wake up in a hospital room. It didn’t take long for his nerves to start screaming at him for sitting up, for moving. Bones were definitely still broken.
“Holly?” Theo called out as he attempted and failed to stand. The silence bothered him, it shouldn’t though, judging by the light coming in the window, she could very well just be at practice. Theodore at school. Eyes falling on the vial just within reach, Theo was reminded once again just how much he loved his wife. Downing the potion he noticed the letters that littered the table. The one from ministry asking where he was, why he had missed work. And the one from his brother. His heart froze as he read the words. He couldn’t blame his brother, it would have been his saving grace had he not shown up near death. “Holly?”
He dropped the letters to the table, standing to his feet. Spotting the clock on the wall, Theo realized that the house should not be empty at this time. He moved as quickly as he could through the house. “Holly?!” It didn’t take him long to realize she was not in the house. Theodore was not in the house. His wife and his son were
gone. He needed to explain, she didn’t even give him a chance.
Where would she go? How could she just leave?
Where would she go? Pressing his hand to his forehead, he forced himself to think through the throbbing he could feel in his bones. He needed to find her. How was he supposed to explain if she
wasn’t here? He made his way to the door, to get out past the wards. Apparating was probably not the smartest idea at the moment, but he needed to find his wife. Turning on the spot he was gone.
Gasping as he did his best to remain standing, he remembered all the horrible dangers they warn about when apparating. At least he didn’t splinch himself on top of everything else. He made the way up the path to the building, he couldn’t recall Holly ever selling her old place, and he just hoped he was wrong. That she didn’t
leave, she had just taken to Theodore to the park. He didn’t wait very long to see if she would return, but panic seized him. The silent empty house made it so he could almost
hear the throbbing from his injuries.
How could she leave? Take Theodore and not even wait for him to wake.
“Holly?” He hoped she wasn’t here as he knocked on the door. He was overreacting. She hadn’t left, he should go back to the house and wait. Have more faith in his wife. He trusted her, she wouldn’t just
leave.
It took a few knocks to wake Holly from her deep sleep. She slowly rose from the pillows, rubbing her eyes as she tried to gather her bearings. Theodore rustled under the blankets beside her and she frowned; no one would know they were here save for the boy’s father. Her husband. Holly slipped out of bed and tucked Theodore in to keep him asleep as he’d had just as long of a night as she had. She’d managed to keep him from seeing his father in bad shape, but he’d woken at the sound of glass shattering when Holly had dropped a potion vial. He’d clambered into her lap as she brewed the potion, fading in and out of sleep throughout the long and tiresome morning. The two were quite a pair.
Holly’s old flat remained in her name, not because she ever thought she’d need it, but it had been her first place since leaving her parents’ and she hadn’t seen a reason to part with it simply because she’d gotten married. Plus, she could always give it to Theodore when he got old enough, or rent it out to one of the younger players. It was in a good, quiet neighborhood, and that was why she was sure it was her husband that was causing the noise.
She slowly made her way to the front door, unsure of what she wanted to do. The things Theo had said last night had startled her to the core, his fear, the intensity of his words. He had been
vulnerable and she had never seen him that way. He had honestly been terrified of losing everything, but her mind whirled at what he could have possibly done. Holly wasn’t dumb; she knew what the pureblood Slytherin men got up to if they weren’t living off of daddy’s riches. She knew the Notts were a notable family in the wizarding world and had not ignored the whispers overheard at ministry events. Her husband was an important man, in ways that his job title didn’t detail.
When she heard him call for her, Holly froze. Just a foot away from the door, she felt like fleeing back up the stairs and hiding in bed with Theodore. Nothing had ever rattled her enough to make her feel like running away, but the thoughts brewing about her husband’s whereabouts, his behavior, it had her questioning everything she’d done over the last few years.
But she loved him. Damn it, damn it,
damn it! Holly stepped forward and pressed against the door, shutting her eyes as she mustered up some strength. She was
so tired.
“What are you doing here, Theo?” Holly asked in a strained voice through the door. She didn’t know if she could face him.
The breath rushed out of him at the sound of her voice through the door. Theo leaned in resting his head against the wood of the door, his palm flat against it. The door that remained closed. “What are
you doing here?” The question was more to himself than to the woman on the other side. He doubted that she would have even heard it. Holly was
here. She wasn’t opening the door.
“You left, I had to---” He woke up and she was
gone what was he supposed to do. She was gone with Theodore, and it hadn’t even been two hours but Theo recognized how wrong that felt. What was the point? What was the point of not going to Mungo’s, of everything if he just woke up to find his family gone anyways. Pushing off the door, Theo stood straight tapping at the door gently with his finger tips.
“Holly, please, just let me in. We have to talk about this.” He was exhausted, he ached and he couldn’t even think about how he would feel when the potion wore off if this was how he felt now. The potion that his wife had left for him, easily within reach. Which had to mean something. She mended him, and ensured that he hadn’t died from his injuries and had something to ease the pain. But she still left and that Theo did not understand. He would stand out here until he did. “Please.”
Holly’s expression cracked at his voice and she screwed her eyes shut to try and hold back her tears. Hearing the pain in Theo’s voice absolutely killed her, but what could she do? What
should she do? Her husband was involved in something dangerous and what kind of woman--what kind of
mother would she be if she continued to live in that environment? Theo hadn’t been
attacked, he had not been mugged for the change in his pocket.
There had been a complication.
Don’t floo Mungo’s.
They will ask questions I can’t answer.She pressed up against the door, shaking her head. Holly’s breath shook as she attempted to keep her composure. What was really on the other side of this door? How could she ever look Theo in the eyes again when she knew---it was all so confusing, but the one thing she did know was that Theo Nott was not innocent in this madness. If he was, going to the hospital would not have been an issue. The thought caused her chest to ache.
“I can’t,” she choked out, looking toward the stairwell and hoping her voice didn’t carry. “I don’t---I can’t let you in.”
Theo felt like he was cracking. Chipping from head to toe and bits of him were falling apart and with Holly saying the words
I can’t, that shattered him. “
Holly,” he pleaded through the door, curious as to when he had given her so much power in his life. He had been
so careful in the past. Hamilton Nott of five years ago would never have found himself on the doorstep locked out, pleading to a woman to be let in.
But he was not that man, not anymore. He should be more upset. Upset with himself that he allowed such a thing to happen, but all he could think about was how to fix what he broke. How to get his
wife to let him inside. He had to explain. “Love, you don’t under---I don’t---” He couldn’t remember what he said, not exactly. Just that he begged not to go to Mungo’s. And the letter from his brother, it all made it seem so much worse than it was.
It was just some stupid dark artifacts. Nothing even worth---
Nothing worth this. He leaned against the door, never moving his hand as if that would be a sign of giving up. It was getting difficult to stand. Swallowing thickly, he tried again. “I’m not leaving. I refuse. I belong with you. With you and Theodore. I can explain
everything if you just give me the chance.”
“I can’t!” she let out, surprised that she was able to surge up some strength in her words. Holly pushed back from the door, staring hard at the door knob she refused to turn. Holly pressed her hand to her chest, feeling her heart begin to beat faster and faster. She couldn’t! How could she let him in? How could he be allowed near them when---it felt like there were doors in her mind that were shutting as she neared the thoughts that she refused to acknowledge.
Rhys had lied for his brother without hesitation, which could just be a brotherly thing to do, but to create something so elaborate, to not be concerned that Theo was actually
missing was strange, it---he’d lose
everything. A crooked ministry official did not accept the brutality Theo endured, those crimes were for the weak at heart, no, Theo had---Theo had
survived the attack on him, that meant---that meant he knew how to
fight and----
Holly felt like she was going blind, spots appearing in front of her eyes as her mind raced. Nothing made sense, except everything did. Her hand slipped up to her hair, where her wand held the twist in place. She gripped it tightly and took another step back from the door.
There had been late nights before. There had been admittances that he was not the man he used to be, one that he wasn’t particularly proud of. There were skeletons in closets that were ready to burst free.
“Who are you, really?” she exclaimed. Holly was trembling and she wasn’t sure if it was in fear of him or his answer. “
What are you?”
Theo froze on the other side of the door at her demand, her voice raising. ‘
What are you?’ Didn’t she
know? He had never said it, but didn’t she know, feel it in her bones after their last conversation that had him on edge. He was certain he had spelled it out then, on Valentine’s day, but still she didn’t leave. He had thought was because she knew, she
knew that didn’t change how he felt about her. That it didn’t change what
they were together.
The silence stretched on and eventually, Theo lost his footing and slide down to sit at the base of the door. Did she expect him to admit it to her from out here? To say the words he kept so closely guarded. He stared down at his arms, where the concealment charms had been placed for so long he forgot they existed, though never able to forget the moments it burned red on his skin. She had to have known.
“I am your
husband.” Theo said breaking the eerie quiet that had settled over them. He was her husband and she was his wife,
nothing had changed. He never lied to her. Had she have asked, he was certain… he would have… he wouldn’t have
lied. How did she not
know? How was it not this thing that they just ignored because it
didn’t matter anymore?
With her lack of response, Theo sank even more. He knew it wasn’t what she was looking for. He knew
exactly what she wanted him to confirm. “
Holly, you
know, you have to---” he swallowed closing his eyes, tilting his head to the sky. He hadn’t changed. It was who he was before, it shouldn’t make a difference on their life now. “Don’t-- do not make me say it. Not through this door.”
She was going to be sick.
Holly sucked in shallow breaths, trying to keep herself from falling completely apart. He thought---he thought she---
how could she...why would she have assumed that the dashing gentleman who’d managed to break through her walls was a...was a…
“Death Eater,” Holly breathed, the words bursting out of her, unable to hold in her fears any longer. He was a--he had been a---She shook from head to toe, a
death eater? Theo had been--she had married a---Without realizing it, Holly had backed away from the door and she banged into the corner of a side table, knocking over a vase. It shattered on the floor and the noise snapped Holly out of the terrified stupor she was in.
He was a
death eater! Right outside her door! There was---he was---Holly bolted out of the foyer and towards the stairs so she could grab Theodore and get the hell out of here, but--where could she go? She couldn’t stay
here, she couldn’t go
home! Did they even have a home? How could she go back to---
him?
Theo didn’t hear her say the words, but the sound of the breaking glass confirmed that the realization had settled in. He could hear the footsteps fleeing from the door. She was running.
Again. Theo pulled himself to his feet, trying to turn the knob for the first time. Locked, but he had to think. He knew how to break simple wards. It wasn’t likely that Holly would feel the need to place wards on her old flat that could really keep him out.
It didn’t take him long, but he hesitated at the door anyways. She didn’t want him here, breaking in could make things worse. He had to talk to her though. She couldn’t
leave. Time would only make things worse. Let her think about all the possibilities, when in reality he did practically
nothing while they were seeing each other. She was over reacting. Over reacting and taking his son away from him while she fled. Taking
everything that mattered.
“Holly.” He called as he moved as quickly as he could to follow her. “It’s not-- I told you---” his breaths were labored as he tried to climb the stairs and call after his wife. Tears welled in his eyes. From the pain. Certainly from the pain, not this--- this feeling that was overwhelming him. “You
have to listen to me. You made a
vow. For better--- or --” he coughed stopping on the stairs. “Those words
meant something. They meant
everything. You can not just
leave.”
She’d faltered when she heard him enter, wondering---thinking--should she try and
stop him from getting to Theodore? The boy was her only concern now, because if Theo could get himself into such trouble, he could easily bring it home! What was--how could he---Holly pressed herself against the wall beside the top of the staircase, listening to her husband’s pleas.
For better or for worse. Throwing their vows at her as if he hadn’t sinned? Her face twisted and her anger at the man calling her name finally burst through her fear. He was
not allowed to use that against her! Holly pushed herself off the wall and stepped into view at the top of the staircase, teeth clenched as she glared down at him.
“Don’t you
dare!” Holly shrieked, jabbing her wand at him, green sparks flying out the end. She wanted to hex him out the front door. “Don’t you dare throw our vows---
you! You are! You are a
death eater!”
Her words bounced off the walls of the stairwell, and they were deafening. Holly had never felt so many things at once, so much anger, fear, confusion---
disappointment. Tears struck her eyes but she kept her wand pointed stiffly at Theo.
“Was I a part of some game?” she let out lowly, unable to filter her thoughts any longer. All this time, all this time. “Get the halfblood quidditch bitch to fall in love with you, to marry you, to almost----” Holly shook her head, taking a step back. “Don’t talk to me about
vows, this is not the ‘
worse’ I promised to stick by you with!”
Theo held up his hands as she pointed her wand at him. The very last thing he wanted was to get into a duel with her. “I was a death eater when you married me. I have not chan---” his words died in his throat as she continued, flinching as he heard her refer to herself as a bitch. Holly was a
halfblood? He hadn’t even known. He had never thought to even look into it while they were courting, or ever. It--
It didn’t matter.
And that realization hit him a lot harder than the revelation itself. How did it
not matter? How did he not check? Theo had never once questioned his choices. He had once been a proud death eater. Followed orders without hesitation and here, this woman had him questioning everything. He sunk down on the stairs, because he just couldn’t anymore. He couldn't stand. He could barely
think anymore.
“I was a--- I didn’t--- It---” Theo pressed his hands to his face. “I am the
same man you married. No. I am
better than that man. This was not, it was never a game. This, us, it means more than anything else I’ve ever done. I meant every word of my vows. As for you being a half-blood, that--” His head rocked back into the wall, and he stared up the stairs at his wife. “I didn’t even know. And now that I do, it doesn’t change anything.” Just like her finding out something about him shouldn’t have her running out the door. “Our
marriage is
not a game.” It was insulting to think.
He could feel his chest rise and fall with his breaths. “Our Vows--” he shifted, using the handrail to pull himself to his feet. Theo was going to be standing when he said this. He was going to face his wife not wanting to give her any reason to not believe him. Theo took a step up on the stairs. “I have
never lied to you, Holly. You never asked, it wasn’t something I thought to volunteer.” He winced as he pulled himself up another step. “I never thought to volunteer it because the vows I made to you mean more than the ones I made to anyone else.”
Was he really that deluded? Had he lost so much blood that his words tumbled out of his mouth without any thought? He hadn’t spent their savings on a bet, he hadn’t cheated on her, he hadn’t---he was a
death eater! There was no going back on that, there was no changing the past! How could he live with himself?
How could
she?
The war that they’d all just barely survived was caused by
him and those who followed the same cause. How could he stand there and think that just because he didn’t
tell her, and she’d married him, that it was okay? He was--he was a
murderer! Even if Theo had never actually gotten his hands bloody, which Holly highly doubted, he was part of the cause! He’d supported You-Know-Who in the most serious of ways.
“You’re mad,” she said, shaking her head and backing away and toward the end of the hallway. She had to get Theodore out of here.
“
No.” Theo refused. He refused to accept that this was it. That in a day, in a moment everything was over. But what options did he have left? Making her forget? The guilt he would feel everytime he looked at her would crush him. He lost his footing on the stairs and slipped down to his knees sending an excruciating pain up his leg to his spine. Maybe he was mad, mad to think he could be this man.
He had never felt so defeated, but there was no way he was losing everything. “Not mad.” he rasped through the pain. “Just a man trying to change.” Regaining his footing, he went down a step, not wanting to make Holly feel threatened. “I love you, Holly. I’d do anything for you, if you want to go. If you don’t even want to discuss this, just leave and never look back. Alright. I won’t stop you.”
Theo meant it. If Holly wanted to leave, there was nothing he could think of doing to make her stay that he wouldn’t end up regretting. “If you want to go, go. But I won’t let you take Theodore with you. I won’t lose you
and my son.” It pained him to say it. It felt like a bribe, but Theo could not watch them both walk out the door. Not when he was his heir. His only son. Not after he came so far to love him. “Theodore stays with me, if you decide to leave.”
Holly almost tripped over her feet as she whirled back toward Theo. “No!”
But she knew it was pointless. When they’d gotten married the process of actually adopting Theodore had been something they kept putting off because of busy schedules and had eventually faded into the background because they were doing just fine. Content. They were
happy. It was stupid, they should have made time for it because
what if. What if.
Today was their ‘what if.’
She felt her heart shattering. With all the panic and fear these past few days had consisted of, the pain in her chest was never as severe as it was now. If Theo did not want her to take Theodore, he could easily stop her, she was sure. Injured or not, there wasn’t any physical contest. And--and if she tried to get some rights, his solicitor brother would shut her down in seconds. If he loved her so much, how could he have so easily done something to destroy their lives? If he loved her, that is. That was the real question.
Holly’s shoulders slumped and she shook her head in complete and utter misery. “You bastard.”
She couldn’t look at him. Her eyes shot to the door of the bedroom where Theodore was sleeping, her baby, her boy. Holly had fallen in love with Theodore first, long before she’d accepted her feelings for Theo. How could she leave him with this monster he called a father? What choice did she have? Stay because of the boy and live in fear of her husband for the rest of her life? Or---or hope that he did actually love Theodore as much as he said he did.
How could he do this to them? Holly turned back to Theo, glaring through her tears.
“Get out of my house,” she snapped, lifting her hand to point toward the stairs. “I’ll bring him back to the manor, but he can’t see you like
this.
Get out of
my house. I have to say goodbye.”
Theo turned and made his way back down the stairs, there was nothing left to say. Nothing left he could do.
You bastard. The words rang in his ears. He knew exactly what he was doing, and he could try and convince himself that he was fighting for his son, but that was a lie. It was a last ditch effort to get Holly to stay. He knew it. Holly knew it.
And he couldn’t do it.
Stopping at the bottom of the stairs, he looked back up to his wife. She was a better mother than he could ever,
ever attempt at being a father. Theodore would be better off with her. But he couldn’t let go. He couldn’t watch his family disappear before his eyes. “You are right. He can’t see me like this. And the house, its a mess.” He almost choked on his words, turning away from Holly. Theo had no idea such a pain could live in your chest. Theo
always knew what the next course of action should be. He was a fixer. He was suppose to be good at knowing which sacrifices made things
right. But in this moment he couldn’t decide which was worse. What would lead him down the road of making things better.
“Just--- I--- I need to clean things up. Don’t--- Just---” He couldn’t think. “After the weekend. Take a few days, a week, then, when you bring him back to the we can sit down and discuss this.” If only Holly could just
forget. Could he live with himself, if he made her forget? Could he raise a wand against his wife. Theo touched his wand, til now forgotten. Could he live with himself if he
didn’t? He sighed reaching the front door, abandoning his wand he reached for the knob. “I don’t expect you to believe me, but I do want what is best for Theodore. And for you. That means, eventually, we are going to have to have a conversation.” With one last glance to the top of the stairs, Theo turned and walked out the door.
