Who: Thomas McCormack & Rose Knightley
What: omg they can really be precious sometimes
Where: Mungo's!
When: maybe a week or so after their thread with Kendall?


Rose had been thinking, lately, doing a lot of thinking, and perhaps that wasn’t the smartest of things to do when it made her stomach twist and her heart ache, but how could she not? What had happened to Thomas was… it almost felt like a different life, a separate Thomas from the one she knew. And that didn’t make very much sense, but it was how she felt, so Rose struggled to connect the two.

She had taken to simply staring, and much more than usual. People watching, watching Thomas, watching his family, watching baby Alice… in an attempt to piece together everything that sat so uncomfortably. She had thought it would help made sense about all of this and it just… it helped, she supposed, but deep down she knew only expelling the truth from her friend would rest her uneasy soul. Propping her elbows on her hips, Rose continued to stare at Thomas’ daughter through her protective charms, taking advantage of the lull time between meals. Her hands had wandered up toward her face in a pensive manner as her mind circled, always coming back to one question.

They told each other everything, so why hadn’t Thomas told her about this?

Her stomach sunk further every time as the same immediate reason sprang to mind.

And… it made her sad. Thomas was her very best friend. What they had hid from each other wasn’t something… it wasn’t supposed to---

The presence of another interrupted her thoughts, and it was a feeble smile that Rose produced for Thomas. But, even relative peace between them in these difficult times couldn’t mask the hint of staleness in the air, Rose knew why. After a few moments, she spoke up.

“Thomas,” she began suddenly, her heart and nerves already bumbling before her brain. But, this charade had gone on long enough, hadn’t it? While it hadn’t been much of a bother to her, it did feel like their secrets were now chipping away at their friendship. Rose redirected her gaze down to their feet, hands playing with the fringe of her cloak.

“Did you hide her because you were upset I didn’t tell you about Axe?”

Thomas’ gaze rose from his hands and his brow furrowed, “Why would you think that?”

Her question startled him in a few different ways. Thomas knew that eventually there would be questions about why he’d kept this whole situation a secret, and he’d been preparing to answer them with thought out and practiced answers. Those had gone out the window when Julia had died and left him wondering why he’d gone through any of this at all. His eyes drifted back to the little girl struggling to survive, and the guilt sank even deeper into his chest.

He was a pitiful excuse of a friend, a person, a…father. It was still very strange to be referred to in that manner, no matter how many times the healers and his family addressed him in that way. Thomas had felt more of a connection to the baby when she was inside of Julia, and now that she was here, it was as if a dementor had sucked any happy thoughts he’d felt. Alice, to him, felt like a heavy, heavy weight on his shoulders that he wasn’t sure he’d be able to manage and the guilt that feeling brought him...Thomas shook his head, looking down at his hands again.

“It wasn’t about that,” he said. He had begun to think that Rose was never going to tell him about Brookstanton, and the fact that she thought that he’d been punishing her for it...Thomas sat back in his chair, “I’m not upset about that. I didn’t--I just wanted it for myself, I wanted something for myself. And...and that was selfish.”

Thomas let out a breath. Everything he touched went to hell, he should’ve enjoyed it while he could.

“I’m not upset.”

Her question hadn’t seemed that self-absorbed muddling around in her thoughts, but now that it was out in the world, it sounded that way, didn’t it? And immediately Rose felt guilty for it even thinking it, because now, in all of this, she had somehow managed to make it about herself? That hadn’t been… her question hadn’t meant to stem from that kind of place, she had just thought… secrets. This was why she was never good at secrets, why they just really needed to stop…

Rose’s hands dropped the edges of her sleeves, and something of a sad smile formed on her her lips.

“It’s not selfish,” she spoke quietly, turning now just enough to face him. “It’s protecting something important to you before something else upsets it and---” Rose brought her hands together, then outward in a combusting motion. She knew that feeling, and its ramifications, all too well. Closing her eyes briefly, Rose continued on before the moment passed.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked like that. I know you wouldn’t… I know it’s not…” Rose trailed off, finding the sight before her encompassing. Thomas looked exhausted, haggard, self-loathing oozing from nearly every pore, and what was she doing? Pestering him about something that really wasn’t, all things considered, even remotely important and--- tears, not for the first time, formed in her eyes, and her sad smile deepened into a frown.

“I’m sorry!” she burst, and promptly jumped to throw her arms around Thomas’ neck for a tight hug. Propping her chin over his shoulder, Rose crouched awkwardly, and she supposed it hurt her back a little bit, but that didn’t matter much.

Thomas shut his eyes, arms wrapping around Rose tightly. This was not how he’d wanted anything to go. He kept replaying the last few months over and over in his head. His primary concern had been about the baby, and he had thought...when the season was over, when he could really focus, things would fall into place. Rose and Kendall would yell at him for keeping this secret, but then fawn over Julia, demand to work on the nursery, and just fall into place like they always did. They always got back into place. Even with this Brookstanton secret! Thomas had known for months, Kendall for even longer, and after their initial annoyance and confusion it sort of...settled. Rose seemed to be doing well, she seemed happy, so...why would he want to ruin that?

“Don’t be sorry,” he croaked, moving carefully to stand and not lose his grip around her. There wasn’t anything Rose Knightley could do outside of killing someone he cared about (and even then--) that could permanently upset him. They’d gone through so much over the years that it felt silly to even have to apologize. “There’s no reason to be sorry.”

Even though Thomas’ chest hurt with the guilt he felt over everything, he couldn’t let Rose think that he had any ill feelings. He didn’t. Even before he was keeping his own secrets, he hadn’t been upset. It made sense, the second you started talking about things, the second they were public, they went to hell. So why would Rose want to ruin something that was apparently going well? He had very little optimism in him to begin with, and Thomas struggled to find it for his friend.

“Everything’s going to be fine,” he said, unsure if he was saying it to calm Rose down or if he actually believed it. Over her shoulder he looked down at the sleeping baby and his breath caught in his throat. He really needed to believe it.