Who: Savannah and Seth
What: Stalking and deep conversations and...
Where: Savannah's loft
When: Tonight
Savannah couldn't remember the last time she had such terrible writers block. She had been sitting cross legged on her couch for the last hour, chewing on the end of her pen as she drummed her fingertips against her knee. Every now and then she'd scribble something down, but wound up crossing it out moments later because it was absolute rubbish. Getting frustrated, she eventually threw the pen down in order to rake her fingers through her hair, holding her head in her hands while letting out a groan.
Her brain had turned into a pile of mush over the last few weeks. She was trying so hard to not let what had been going on in her personal life effect her work, but when she couldn't even form a coherent sentence because she just wasn't able to
think, it meant she wasn't able to produce an article worthy enough of reading on the air. She told everyone she was fine, but she really wasn't. She had been thinking a lot about Geoff, and all the trouble he had gotten himself into, and what kind of trouble he was going to be in once the wrong people found out where he was hiding. The whole situation was mind blowing - she knew that he liked to gamble, but she never knew how bad it was. He hadn't ever told her, which was why they had gotten into the fight that had ended their relationship. She just hoped he was okay, wherever he was...
If Geoff was the only thing on her mind, that would have been enough, but in addition to her mind flooding with thoughts of her ex-boyfriend, she was also thinking a great deal about her ex-
husband, whom she had been avoiding since they had kissed at the charity event. They were supposed to meet up and talk about it, but when she was on her way out the door, she panicked and wrote him an owl telling him that something had come up. She asked to reschedule, but had been finding excuse after excuse for why she couldn't meet up with him.
It had been her idea to talk face to face, but the more she thought about it the more anxious she became. As far as she was concerned, there would be no outcome of that conversation that would end well. It was a mistake, as far as she was concerned - a momentary lapse in judgement. That's what she kept telling herself, at least. It was the only thing that made any sense after all this time...
Taking her head out of her hands, she reached forward for the glass of wine she had poured for herself, thinking it might help her unwind enough to write. It certainly wasn't helping with her creativity, but her shoulders definitely felt less tense they had when she had walked through the door after work. She certainly hadn't been expecting any guests, so when she heard a knock at the door, her brows furrowed together. Placing her glass down on the coffee table, she unfolded her legs and made her way towards the door. When she pulled it open and saw who it was standing on the other side of the threshold, she felt her stomach flip, her eyes widening.
"Seth…”
She blinked, swallowing thickly, leaning against the door. "What are you doing here...?"
It had been clear that Savannah had been avoiding him, Seth should have known better than to think this would be easy. He should have known the first time she canceled on him that she had changed her mind and that it was going to come down to this. He probably should feel a bit guilty about just showing up on her doorstep like this, but he really felt that there was no other option. He wasn’t just going to pretend it never happened. Not when there was a chance that--
He had already mess this up once, and there was no way he was going to let what was certainly his only second chance slip through his fingers just because he was scared.
“Sorry to just show up unannounced, hope I’m not disturbing you too much.” He apologized lacing his fingers behind his back. “But I was hoping we could talk? Not here if you don’t want to, but maybe I could take you out for dinner?” Seth wouldn’t blame her one bit if she didn’t want to let him into her home. He was probably pushing the boundaries with the slightly stalkerish tactics he had to use just to find out where she lived, but Henry had helped so surely it wasn’t too bad. “Or a cup of tea at least. Can I just have thirty minutes of your day?”
Savannah didn't know which she was more surprised about - the fact that Seth had shown up on her doorstep, or that he was asking to take her for dinner. He had clearly gone to great lengths just to locate her, seeing how she was sure she had never given him her address, and anyone who
did know her whereabouts wouldn't tell Seth of all people. Carys was the only person who knew that anything had happened between her and her ex, but even though her advice had been to talk to him, she just didn't think she was ready. He made things...difficult. Complicated.
He was her kryptonite.
She shifted her weight from one foot to the other as she thought over his request, looking away from him. She knew why he wanted to take her out was so they could talk about the subject she had been so desperately trying to avoid. It was easier to just play it off like it didn't happen than confront it head on. If she had to be honest, she was most afraid of not knowing how she wanted this inevitable conversation to end. She didn't know what she wanted - she didn't know what she
felt.
"...thirty minutes?"
She looked back up at him, almost as though she was waiting for him to confirm that those were terms he could stick to. They had just started to get back on friendly terms, so if they were going to talk about this like he kept insisting, than she needed to know that this conversation was going to be to the point. She didn't want it to drag on for an eternity. Still, she wasn't stupid enough to think that thirty minutes was enough time for them to figure out the complex web of emotions that was their relationship. It just sounded idealistic.
She heaved a sigh as she came to her decision, almost reluctantly opening the door a bit more, making room for him.
"Just come inside."
Once he had stepped over the threshold, she shut the door behind him, turning around in order to face him. She had no intentions of having him come any further into her home, but she wasn't about to have this conversation with him while he was standing in the hall. She wasn't dressed for going out, wearing an oversize sweater that hung off one of her shoulders and a pair of drawstring sweatpants. Her arms crossed over her chest, since she wasn't quite sure to do with her hands as she looked up at him.
"How did you find me?" She had to ask, before they went any further. Curiosity was killing her, and it gave her a reason to stall.
Seth step through the door, unable to stop himself from looking around. She had a nice home. He was happy to know that she had done well for herself, not that he had any doubt but it was good to know that he hadn’t ruined too much for her in the long run of things. “I had a bit of help, couldn’t have managed it on my own. Didn’t want your friends to know I was looking for you. Doubt they would have helped even if I did ask.” He admitted shrugging a shoulder as he pulled his gaze from the picture of her and Sam hanging on the wall turning his attention to Savannah.
Who was just as distracting in her lounge wear as she was dressed up at the Charity Gala. “Savannah,” he breathed unsure of where he should start. He did know that he should get straight to it though, no point of continuing to avoid the topic at hand. “I know I have no right to ask anything of you. But--”
He wrung his hands, all the words he spent the past week trying to figure out leaving him now that he was standing in front of her. “I could tell you I’ve changed, that I’m not the person I was when everything fell apart, but what good would that do? After
everything, all the promises I’ve broken, what good are my
words to you? I certainly wouldn’t believe me if I were you. I just-- All I am asking for is a chance to prove it to you. Let me show you the person I am now, because that kiss, it wasn’t nothing. I can’t stop thinking about it”
Seth to a breath and tried to gauge Savannah’s reaction. He was laying everything out on the line, holding nothing back. “Tell me right here and now, you think it was a mistake. That you wish I had never kissed you and I’ll walk out the door and never bother you again. But if you have even the slightest inkling that it might of been right, then give me a chance. I know I don’t deserve it, but I’m asking anyways.”
His answer, or lack of answer to her question caused her forehead to crease with confusion. Seth had a lot of resources, being a professional athlete, so really there were
many ways he could have found her if he really wanted to - and clearly he
had wanted to, because he was standing in her foyer. The thought of him going through so much trouble just to make sure her friends didn't find out about it was also something that didn't go unnoticed. It was strange to think that it had only been a few months since they had rekindled their friendship, because now he was tracking her down in order to talk to her about a kiss that she thought had just been a fluke - something that had happened because they were both a little buzzed, and alone; now he was telling her that he couldn't stop thinking about it, and that he wanted another
chance.
A few moments of silence went by before she spoke.
"That's not fair..." She looked away from him for a moment in order to collect her thoughts. Now it was
her turn to try and figure out what she wanted to say. One of her hands lifted up in order to rake back her hair, denim blue eyes lifting to meet the crystal hues staring back at her.
"Do you have any idea what you do to me? Do you really want to know what I think?" She lifted her brows, but decided to continue on before he could change his mind and decide that maybe it wasn't such a good idea to track her down.
"You make me
crazy, Seth. You legitimately make me feel like I'm losing my mind, and I turn into someone I'm not; this neurotic mess who doesn't know up from down. When it comes to you, nothing makes
sense. I don't know what I should think, or how I should feel, because if you really want to know the truth, I should hate you. And you know what, for the longest time I did. Or that's what i kept telling myself, because it was easier to
hate you than accept the fact that I never actually fell out of love with you..."
The admission made her look away from him again. They had never talked about any of this before, but now that he was putting everything out on the table, she needed to say everything she should have said a long time ago.
"I thought you were the one..." Her eyes lifted so she could look at him again. "I thought I was going to spend the rest of my
life with you...but we got a divorce because that was what
you wanted. You telling me that you had fallen out of love with me, and through a
journal no less, was-..." She cut herself off, her mouth closing before she swallowed thickly around the growing lump in her throat, trying to think of what she wanted to say next.
"It was crippling." Her eyes searched his, her arms folding over her chest again, almost as though she was trying to protect herself.
"I can't be hurt again, Seth. I wouldn't be able to recover from it, and I don't know how to be sure that you're not going to change your mind about how you feel in a week..."
Seth’s heart clenched as Savannah spoke. It hurt. This right here hurt more than anything else. More than all of the fights he had with Mira combined, more than the Magpies’ mutiny. And he deserved it, every word she spoke was true and yet at the same time he had no idea. Seth had no idea just how much he had hurt her because he was a coward that ran away without looking back.
But in all of that, she still didn’t say it was a mistake. She never asked him to leave. She
never fell out of love with him. Seth latched onto the little glimmer of hope he had and forced himself to stay when the fear of rejection, of looking like a fool had his feet itching to go.
“I know,” he choked out the words barely above a whisper. “I could have a lifetime and never be able to make it up to you. But that doesn’t change the fact I want to try.” He took a tentative step forward and pulled her hands into his, dipping his head down to search her eyes. “I never fell out of love with you, Savannah. I was an idiot and a coward who couldn’t handle things when they got difficult. I made a rash decision and spent the last three years searching for something I already had and then threw away. It took too long for me to realise.”
Seth pulled his gaze from her and looked down at their hands, his thumbs running up and down the sides of hers. “I don’t expect you to trust me, not yet but I’m not going to change my mind in a week. Or a month, or in a year or ever. I love you, and I’m almost positive now that had never changed.”
Savannah’s eyes blinked as he said words she never imagined he would speak to her. After everything had happened between them, she spent so much -
so much time thinking about what had made him decide he didn’t love her anymore. It didn’t matter where she placed the blame, because nothing ever gave her closure. Thinking that maybe it was something
she had done had made it difficult for her to be in another relationship for a very long time. Between Logan cheating on her all those years ago, and what Seth had done to her, she was convinced she was doomed to spend an eternity alone.
Then Geoff came along, and he once again made her feel as though she was cursed - like no matter what she did, every relationship she had was going to end with her being heartbroken. She really couldn’t handle another blow to her pride. She looked down at their hands, through her eyes were looking into his when he said those three words.
I love you.There was some part of her that wondered if maybe he had a bad habit of just throwing those words around...but it was hard to ignore the look on his face as he said them. She
knew that look; she remembered every butterfly that had been fluttering in her stomach the first time he had looked at her like that. It was hard to doubt him when he looked so earnest, but she still couldn’t forget all the other things he had made her feel.
“What would be different this time? I need you to convince me that giving you another chance wouldn’t be a terrible mistake...because you’re right about not deserving one…”
“Everything.” Seth said instantly. His hand reached up and cupped her face as he looked at her. Unable to keep himself from it anymore, he leaned in kissing her softly. What else could he say. He could repeat over and over again his apologies and promises but actions spoke so much louder than words. “
Everything would be different. I’ve learned from my mistakes, I’ll come here everyday just to prove it to you.”
He stood there, lips inches from hers waiting for her to push him away, to tell him to go. Or maybe, just maybe if he was extremely lucky, kiss him back. “Anything you want Savannah. I’d get you the moon.”
Savannah's hands lifted to press against his chest as he leaned in to kiss her, almost as though she were prepared to push him away. She didn't, though. They just rested there as he looked down at her, trying so desperately to convince her he was a changed man. This was certainly not something he would have done 3 years ago. It was hard to believe that this person standing in front of her was the same man who had broken her heart into so many pieces.
Her line of vision shifted from his eyes to his mouth, her fingers curling into the front of his shirt.
"For the record...you're still an idiot..."
And that was all she could say before her body overpowered her brain, lifting herself up enough for her lips to meet his, her eyes shutting tightly as she kissed him. This might have been the stupidest thing she had ever done, but there was no getting around how
amazing it felt to be kissing him again. He wasn't the only one who hadn't been able to stop thinking about that night at the Gala. She let out a light hum against his mouth, pulling him closer to her by tugging on his shirt.
