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r α κ ([info]flower) wrote in [info]valesco,
@ 2012-09-18 23:47:00


Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:octavius pepper, rose knightley

!
She had decided, after a long internal debate, to come to the WWN toward the end of the work day. To avoid getting caught in the misfires of a busy schedule! That would be the best, because lunchtime was meant to be peaceful, and just randomly showing up at any time made her feel uncomfortable. It also didn’t hurt that arriving later created the illusion of seeing less people on her walk up to Octavius’ office. Not that they would be interested enough to actually notice, or even know who she was, but the potential lack of presence was less stress inducing. That was what she told herself.

After enduring a particularly extended and disgruntled stare from his assistant for as long as she could, Rose ducked her head and waited for permission to slip through the office door. When granted, she didn’t even register ‘he was not there’ and ‘would be returning shortly’ until already inside. Oh. She said something else, but Rose's deep desire to not see any other people overrode her curiosity, so she ignored it. She ignored the unprofessional tone as well.

Closing the door behind her, she felt her face immediately begin to burn. Had this been a bad idea? He had sounded angry, in his response to her--- if that was even possible to detect in writing. You couldn’t really tell sometimes, so it could all just be her reading far too much into so few words--- but it was true, she had wanted to see him, desperately so for a bit now, so-- so--- thinking about this was not calming her anxieties. It was just--- she would have to wait.

Not wanting to be intrusive, or get caught touching his things, Rose kept to herself as she waited for Octavius to return. She played with her hair out of nerves, putting it up, and then down, then up again, and then down again until--- she dropped her hands from her hair as the door opened. She felt her face begin to heat up again, and she fidgeted in her spot out of apprehension.

Shouldn't she say something? For someone who had wanted to talk, she suddenly felt very lost for words.



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[info]flower
2012-09-23 05:01 am UTC (link)
Rose pulled her lips back to suppress her obvious distaste of his words. Regardless of how they were intended, they still had a nasty bite.

"I'm not--" Rose started, but cut herself off. She knew she could be stubborn at times, and it occurred more than she wished, but now was not going to be another example of it. Relationships were not always easy, and sometimes she forgot that, that sometimes you had to make sacrifices, and sometimes it was work, which above all meant you didn’t--- do what she did. Most of the time it appeared she was her own worst enemy, which definitely did not help, but at the very least she could say she was blessed with not enough pride to be good at realizing her own mistakes and apologizing for them. Really, she kind of had to be with the amount of poor life choices she seemed to make.

In the end, the point was, even if there were lingering bothersome issues, addressed or unaddressed, she was prepared to let them go, and try to make it work. She at least had to try, didn’t she? Because that was what you did, and if that wasn’t what he wanted then... then that was it.

So, Rose took a deep breath, swallowed down whatever bruised or nervous budding emotions, and momentarily watched Octavius before speaking up.

"Octavius I was wrong, and I shouldn't have put you in the position that I put you in. I shouldn't have said I didn’t think we shouldn't talk anymore, because I don't think that, I don't want that. I made a mistake, I make a lot of mistakes, and I can’t even begin to tell you what I was thinking when I said that because I didn’t--- I don’t want to break up. It’s not--- I handled my emotions poorly, and I would go back if I could, or move forward and away from these stupid things that get between us. It’s not-- and I just couldn't---" Rose pulled her lips back again, losing her momentum. If she hadn’t been so focused, she would have been quite pleased with her lack of tears and normal sounding voice.

"I understand that you're upset, but I care about you too much to let you think I would just give up like that. On us. I guess I just--- got really emotional, and clammed up, I wasn’t thinking....” Her hands began to move slightly, as if indicating something might be trapped in her chest. “I’m sorry, for everything. I understand if your feelings have changed, or if that’s not what you want anymore...” Too rooted in her spot, Rose kept a safe distance on the other side of the desk. "I don't blame you," she finished finally, feeling there was more she could say, but felt it had been too much already.

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[info]dinglealltheway
2012-09-24 01:57 am UTC (link)
The anger vanished in a snap, quicker than the days it had taken to fester nastily inside him. Before she'd even finished her apology, Octavius's hand shot across the desk to grab hers. "Rose," he started, feeling his voice strangle slightly in his throat. "Rose, no, I don't need this from you. All right? I don't—there were two people in that argument, and they're both to blame. So I'm sorry for my own part—" Which was true, but bothered him, because still, he didn't understand how the fight had to come to pass, so how were they going to be able to get past this? It wasn't even a question of being angry with her, it was just a feeling of… helplessness, really. If they had such a huge blow-out over a problem neither of them could really identify, how did they stand a chance of making it in the long run?

"I don't need apologies, Rose. It's just, I think there's something… blocking us. It's not Thomas, it's not—it's not any one thing I can put a name to, but it's there, I can feel it."

His gaze dropped to their hands and his thumb stroked over her wrist. "I care for you. I do, so much. But," his throat closed, and Octavius had to swallow, keep swallowing, to talk past the lump that seemed to have grown there, "it doesn't feel like we can just go back to how things were anymore."

Gently, he let her hand drop and began to draw his own back across the desk he was leaning over, staring at the mess strewn over the top of it. "Rose, I think—I think it might be best if we spent some time apart—"

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[info]flower
2012-09-25 12:47 am UTC (link)
His touch overtook her, and Rose honed in on Octavius’ hand, very much mesmerized by his touch.

“I’m not---” Rose spoke slowly, her brow furrowing. She wasn’t doing it for him, it was simply how she felt. She was the one initially so upset that she couldn’t even talk to him, then eventually initiated a fight in which she cut things off in writing, how was that not... her fault? He had asked what she wanted from him, and she wanted to tell him that she accepted responsibility for what she had done. And most importantly establish that she hadn’t just abandoned the carriage and moved on. "But I do, I feel like it's my fault," she continued softly, feeling almost confused.

At his mention of Thomas, Rose felt her daze snap. Her back straightened a bit in an indignant manner, and her eyes redirected to his face to squint a sharp, calculating stare. While it was most certainly not the emphasis of what he was saying, Octavius bringing up Thomas did not sit well in her stomach, and it definitely clouded the rest of his words in her mind. Feeling bristled, Rose continued to watch him, and listen, needing to take in his face most of all to understand.

Rose stared at Octavius openly, and intently, for a hint at to what to say. Did he really have no clue as to what this unnameable ‘block’ was? She felt she had an idea. But bringing that up would only make him think she was resisting his request for not seeing each other anymore... her brow furrowed further, as she had difficulty understanding how not talking would fix or identify any problems. Unless that was what he wanted? Why couldn’t he just say that?

She stared a bit longer, until it was obvious that nothing appropriate to say would come to her. “I understand,” she said, even though she didn’t, and the doubt in her voice was undeniable. "I'm not upset," Rose continued, even if she was, for reasons not as obvious. "Let me know if you want to talk again." What else could she say, without divulging into deep-rooted thoughts he seemingly did not want to hear?

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