••• o j β (cockaigne) wrote in valesco,
@ 2012-08-18 00:14:00

Entry tags:

Noah!
While Odette had meant 'immediately' in her owl, it'd taken some time to collect herself enough to be able to apparate home. Home. Well, technically Noah's home, since it was his parents' and therefore--- that didn't matter. Why was she thinking about that? Considering... she rubbed her hands into her face as she lethargically went up the porch steps, finding that no amount of applied force could seemingly snap her from this daze. It was considerably late in the night too, leaning toward an hour she had not seen since her extreme socializing years, and she felt---

Disgusting. Utterly and completely--- gross, like her skin was crawling off her body with each numb motion. The fact that her recent aversion to hygienic habits might have something to do with it did not occur to her, and instead she listlessly stood on the porch, unsure what to do next. Going inside might wake up the children, and as much as she longed to see them... it wouldn't be right. And it wouldn't--- Odette wouldn't feel welcome without Noah's acceptance first. So---

Noah. Noah. Her heart ached when she thought of him, for reasons more than one. Odette couldn't begin to explain the complex emotions that had been sustaining her for the past few weeks, as it also seemed they changed at whim. She didn't--- know what to think, all she knew was how she felt, and it was all very confusing and emotional--- now she wanted to cry, again. She hated crying. Only weak wizards cried, and she felt them coming already.

Unable to move any further, Odette wrapped her arms around herself. She could feel her face heating up and her eyes swelling, but it felt too much like an uncontrollably body function to stop them just yet. So instead, she turned to expose her back to the front door in an attempt to control herself. She was such a mess.

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supernoah
2012-08-22 06:14 pm UTC (link)

“Papa sad?”

Anna’s wide brown eyes stared from over the top of her crib as Noah stood in her doorway. Her crying in the morning was never with tears; it was her way of announcing to the household that she was awake and ready to start the day. Noah stared back, frustrated that he wasn’t able to hide his exhaustion, frustration, and yes, sadness from his daughter. He crossed his arms and let out a breath before shaking his head and entering the room. He told Anna that Papa was just tired, and that she should go back to sleep too. He picked her up and rocked her for a bit, and it turned out to be one of those rare mornings where Anna fell right back to sleep. Noah created a canopy with one of her blankets draped over the top of her crib and that was when he heard the movement downstairs. Every nerve in his body was telling him to stay upstairs, don’t go, but Noah pushed himself out of the baby’s room and down the stairs.

What was Odette trying to do to him? First she tells him that she’s basically questioning their entire relationship, and now she kept repeating that she loved him, she loved him, but what good do that do?

“You can’t say that,” Noah muttered as he approached her. His eyes were swollen, and he was unable to keep the pained smirk off of his face. He had to be the strong one, because his wife was seemingly losing her mind because of her contradicting emotions. Noah could feel miserable and angry about her feelings, but that didn’t stop her from having them. She wouldn’t be thinking these things if there wasn’t some merit behind it, and he had to deal with the pain if they wanted to get past this.

Noah grabbed Odette’s upper arms to get her to focus, but he was shaking and the hold was weak.

“I love you too, but if you’re not where you want to be--” That was it, wasn’t it? Odette had never planned to have a family, and she felt like it had been thrust upon her in the three short years that they’ve known each other. In a way he understood, but the thoughts that they’d moved too fast hadn’t been eating away at him like they seemingly had been with Odette. Noah had found himself lucky that his life had become what it had in such a short amount of time.

Maybe it was the war. Maybe knowing that you could die just for walking down the street helped shelter and hide the logic a relationship should have. He didn’t know, but what he did know was that whatever had been fine before with Odette was suddenly not fine. This issue with Kate had burst open a dam of emotions that maybe she hadn’t even realized had been bottled up. Noah did not like that he was coming up for an explanation for his wife’s emotional breakdown, but he loved her. As much as her words were hurting him, he loved her and wanted to, needed to, help her.

“We’ll get through this.” He wasn’t going to let her think this meant they were over, it was far from over. Noah pressed his forehead hard against hers. “However long it takes.”

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