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▪▫▪ c ε d ([info]docstheword) wrote in [info]valesco,
@ 2011-07-19 23:18:00


Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:caradoc dearborn, emmeline vance

Emmeline!
It had taken Caradoc a very long time to finally come to his senses, but it did eventually happen. There had been multiple stages that had gotten him to this lucid state nearing twenty-four hours later, and he couldn't quite tell which was worse. Not understanding how this had all happened, or understanding too much. Either way, he had found that after his little chat with the Goldsteins, Caradoc had continued to find himself here, pacing in the front foyer area of their house. In his right hand was the blue vile, an item he had been clutching since awakening from his comatose sometime around noon. It--- while catching random glances at it still made his heart jump and his stomach drop, purposely looking down at it helped put his mind on the right track, in perspective, whenever it wandered. It was-- important that things did not progress like the night before when he finally did see Emmeline again. He knew--- he could breathe again, he had been able to think and process, making this news... not exactly easy to swallow, but at least something he could react reasonably to.

But Emmeline had not come home all night. It was quickly becoming dark now, leaving wandering thoughts in the back of his mind whether he should go out and start looking for her. He knew that she would be more than capable in protecting herself, but the thought of his pregnant girlfriend out alone in the city was an extremely unsettling thought to Caradoc.

He stopped, realizing that was never a thought he never thought he would have to think until about twelve hours ago. But that--- he shook his head, as if to push it out of his conscious for the time being. One issue at a time.

Running his head through his hair, Caradoc stopped to check his journal one more time. There was nothing new, and he suddenly became unable to wait here another minute. What was he doing, waiting here like some helpless--- thing? He was--- he was Caradoc Dearborn, he did not wait for things, he took charge, he controlled--- the sound of a key turning a lock filled the hallway, and Caradoc quickly snapped toward it. Caught between wanting to jump toward the door and to wait where he was, he awkwardly stuck his right arm out straight, as if showing off what he was holding in his hand for display.



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[info]advancingly
2011-07-20 11:41 pm UTC (link)
That was not something she'd expected to hear. Emmeline's eyes widened in surprise, and she felt somewhat impressed with him. Caradoc of course has had conversations with Sebastian Goldstein, but for her boyfriend to say that he talked with Sebastian meant something new entirely. What did they talk about? she wondered as she continued to come toward him, her astonished feelings now evident on her face. Emmeline was honestly interested in what Caradoc had to say, even if it had nothing to do with making a decision about the baby.

"What about?" she asked, her hand lifting to take hold of his wrist and bring his idly hanging hand down. Emmeline kept a grip around him, looking Caradoc in the eye to show she was really listening to him now, hopefully giving him some confidence with the idea that she'd always listen to his side of things. Hadn't she shown that with returning to England for a wedding? She wasn't going to do anything without him, she'd made that choice when they'd accidentally run into each other in that train station last year.

She looked hopeful, maybe even a bit happy to know that he had made some sort of effort, and that he didn't seem mad at her or at the situation. Emmeline's other hand involuntarily took hold of the hem of his shirt, a great desire to be close to him beginning to overwhelm her.

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[info]docstheword
2011-07-21 02:44 am UTC (link)
Despite feeling second-hand embarrassment for himself, Caradoc attempted to control the sudden hotness in his ears and face. He didn't--- want to talk about that. As much as Goldstein had in fact helped him, admitting to that now seemed even more difficult to say than the topic at hand. He just couldn't quite admit help and thanks from a Gryffindor.

Caradoc's concerns quickly vanished as Emmeline reached for his hand. Her touch, while at first felt like a shot of electricity through his system, soon after calmed his insides. It was finally like his body and mind had been given some direction, something to come together to focus on. He felt clearer, less jumbled and mixed-up, maybe even speak.

But before he could do that, he had to submit to this overpowering desire pull her closer. As she took hold of the color of his shirt, Caradoc quickly wrapped his arms around her, burying his face into the side of her neck. Taking in deep breaths of her scent seemed to calm him down greatly--- he felt his shoulders relax and his head begin to not pound as harshly as before. He wasn't quite sure how long they stood like that, but they longer they did the better he began to feel.

Oh--- words. "Stuff," Caradoc finally mumbled, resting his head on her shoulder. Emmeline was-- important to him, very important, but he continued to struggle in ways to express that. For a person that was so well with words, he had always found conveying deeper emotions to never be easy. They just--- she--- he didn't want--- Caradoc licked his chops, grappling for a few moments.

"I didn't--- I just--- You know---" he stumbled with his tongue. "--- it---I'm---" sorry "I--- am--- okay." It was by far the worst cop out he had ever achieved, and Caradoc suddenly felt very guilty about it.

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[info]advancingly
2011-07-21 10:05 pm UTC (link)
Emmeline held onto him tightly, trying desperately to fight back the urge to cry. It was proving very hard to maintain her composure and Emmeline wasn't sure how much longer she'd be able to do it. Now that she knew that she had a surge of extra hormones rushing through her, her will and perseverance to remain the level-headed one in this relationship had begun to feel like two tiny people in her head, trying to keep the abundance of holes in the dam that was keeping her emotions in check. Emmeline let out a shuddering breath and kissed the side of his head.

As well as Emmeline could understand Caradoc's mumbling of words, and as much as she wanted to just stand there in their embrace for as long as they could, she knew that this situation they were in wasn't something they could dismiss with a snog. She really wanted to snog him now, but that kind of distraction was for when decisions were made and agreed upon. But, that didn't mean she had to loosen her grip on Caradoc. Emmeline let out a shuddering breath, and her eyes looked up for some support.

"It's---" It was proving to be the most difficult conversation she'd ever had in her life. It was the most important decision she'd--they'd have to make and she was sure Caradoc would be able to feel her heart pounding from her chest to his. Emmeline's hand curled into the hair at the back of his head, and she shut her eyes tightly, "I want you, Caradoc."

And that meant she didn't want to lose him, and would give up everything again just to be with him. Her decision would be whatever Caradoc wanted to do, and Emmeline accepted that without anger or resentment.

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[info]docstheword
2011-07-23 02:06 am UTC (link)
But what did that really mean?

Caradoc moved so that his chin could rest on the back of her shoulder, giving himself the most amount of space he could to think carefully about what to speak next. He would have to give her a real answer now, and that made him feel even more uncomfortable, if that was possible. Why couldn't she just make a final decision and be done with it? At least then he could bitch and moan all he wanted--- this way was just--- made his brain want to melt.

If he was going to be completely honest, Caradoc would admit in a heartbeat that he didn't want children, never had and most likely never would. He had never felt the burning desire like many others to have little-- spawns running around. It just hadn't... been something to debate about. And it had truly felt like he had been sparing his future offspring from all ridiculousness, depression and insanity that came along with being in a Dearborn by deciding against it so long ago. With the horrible parents he'd had, and the abysmal family death rate, it had all seemed for the best.

But. A boy--- a heir. Call it the pureblood in him, but there would always be something important about a firstborn boy. Caradoc would be lying if he said he wouldn't like the now effectively dead Dearborn blood to carry on, another pureblood trait he could thank to his parents. But that was not reason enough to a child into the world who's death rate was substantially higher right at birth thanks to his mistakes.

But--- Caradoc continued to go back and forth for a while, realizing he should not have put off this internal conversation for as long as he did. Emmeline wanted this, he knew that no matter how hard she tried to convince otherwise, and it would be wrong of him to take something like a child away from her. Their child. He couldn't get rid of his firstborn boy. And--- it would make her happy. He liked it when she was happy. Miserable Emmeline was bad news for everyone all around.

So... they would deal with all the necessary precautions and issues as they came along. They were good at that. Great. So now he just had to tell her that....

Digging down deep within for new strength, Caradoc took Emmeline's shoulders into his hands so he could prop her correctly in front of him. Eye contact was important. She probably wouldn't believe him if it wasn't maintained. Taking a deep breath, he promised himself he wouldn't breath again until he had finished.

"I want--- I am--- okay with having this--- baby. Yes. I am--- nervous--- but.... I think--- Hehastohaveanormalname." Immediately after Caradoc finished he gasped for air, his face hot from lack of oxygen and the internal pain of saying what he had just said.

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[info]advancingly
2011-07-23 10:10 pm UTC (link)
Oh, she'd never loved him more than she did right now. Emmeline knew, she knew how much of a struggle it was for Caradoc to say those words to her, to agree to such a tremendous thing, and she'd given him the chance to say no and to end the discussion forever. But once again, like so man times before, Emmeline knew that he'd chosen her, and she just wanted to kiss him forever for it. Somehow, somehow, Emmeline kept her emotions in check and simply nodded quickly, letting out a laugh as she put the back of her hand to her forehead to calm herself.

"A boring one, even," she said with a nod, her eyes wide as the realization was still slowly sinking in that they were doing this. They were doing this. This! This, having a baby! It was something Emmeline had wanted for her life but had accepted as something she'd never get the chance to do, so it was overwhelming to think that her life was not going to go down the track she'd thought it was. But, that was silly of her, wasn't it? When had her life ever gone the straight and normal path? She should have expected a jolt like this, now that she thought about it.

Emmeline just didn't now how much longer she'd be able to contain herself. Her chest was heavy emotion and her head was racing with trying to accept everything, so it was proving difficult to remain composed and calm, for Caradoc's sake. Who knew if one emotional, hormonal cry would send him reeling again? She knew it was inevitable, and that she would probably at times join him in a---baby caused stupor, but she would try her best to keep him somewhat sane for the next nine months.

Oy.

She pushed toward him again to press against his chest, and managing to stay against him Emmeline dug through her purse and pulled out the picture they'd given her at the hospital. Emmeline stared down at it for a moment, finding the light movements of the image somewhat astounding; that was going on inside of her.

"It's kind of---hard to make anything out, but---" Emmeline drew a circle with her finger around what the healer had said was the baby, "--that's him."

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[info]docstheword
2011-07-26 06:31 pm UTC (link)
Caradoc instinctively wrapped his arms back around Emmeline as she pressed herself into him. Despite feeling woozy, he found himself determined to carry on toward normality. That conversation would be one of the hardest parts, and they had gotten through it, right? Right. He would grow accustomed to this new... change in their life, as would she, and it would get better. This newfound maturity was not to be mistaken, however. He'd still be completely terrified and paranoid the entire time, from birth until this child killed him, but Emmeline didn't have to know that. So. Feeling almost too proud of himself, he practically missed Emmeline producing the small picture from her purse.

There was more? Merlin was she trying to kill him? He wasn't sure he could handle much more. The last twenty-four hours had been more than enough character building for him and equally as emotionally exhausting. He needed his quiet time now. Being mature was hard work. Just a little bit more--- pushing himself, Caradoc took a large gulp as he slowly made the gesture to look at what was in her hands. Half of him wanted to pretend to see it, remember where she put it and go back to look at it later, but that was as equally large as an effort. So, doing everything possible except baring his teeth, Caradoc gingerly released one hand from her to pick the picture up with two fingers.

"Oh," Caradoc stated quietly, barely blinking. That was.... very life like. He supposed? He hadn't given much attention to the ones Matilda and Mackenzie had shoved into his face a while back, but it looked intimidatingly official enough. It was good enough, despite him having little real idea of what he was actually looking at or for.

He was sweating again.

Swallowing hard, and now seemingly unable to detach his grip from this picture as if it was seared to his fingers, Caradoc stood staring at it for a while. Eventually, he spoke to Emmeline in a hushed voice, but continued to look at the picture. "Can I go lay down now?" Later, he would relive the embarrassment again and again for how childish it sounded, but that did not dawn on him now.

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