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danielle r. rookwood ([info]curador) wrote in [info]valesco,
Slowly, as he berated her, Danielle began to piece together why she'd done the things she had. She'd understood immediately why she had not contacted Donovan, and now she was getting a clear, solid answer as to why she hadn't owled or anything of the sort during her five years in Colombia. He didn't want her to say anything, he said, and now that she was forming a clear response in her head she felt more and more terrible. About the entire situation and about finally understanding and accepting why she'd cut herself off from her life in England. Danielle hated being unable to voice her side of discussions, arguments, but she hated being in the fights even more.

Did she want him to forgive her? Danielle had come back to England believing that she would be fine not speaking to Donovan ever again, or that if they did run into each other, she could be an adult and have a civil conversation and move on. She had tried that, but it was clear that the pain she had put him through was still very strong and she hadn't been expecting that. What had she been thinking? Danielle was surprised he wasn't married, she was surprised that he didn't have a child already or---she had thought he would have had the happy life she'd pictured for him in Colombia. Who knew, though? She'd barely spoken to him, and the few words he'd sent to her had been filled with venom.

But she didn't believe that he could possibly be in a relationship of any importance if he still managed to be this angry with her.

"It's---" why was she still talking? Her mouth shut for a moment as she remembered that he had no desire to hear her side of the story, but she couldn't help herself. Not when he was acting so passionately, "It's terrifying to think about how mad the person you love is--at you," she said with a shaky voice, "I was--terrified of having you hate me, and I--couldn't bear with it so--I didn't---"

Danielle pushed her hands to her face to wipe away any tears; she shouldn't be crying, she was the one that had left and ended everything they had without a word. She didn't want to try and play the victim because she knew this was her fault, Donovan had done nothing wrong, he'd only been the boy she'd loved for so very long,

"Please don't hate me, you could--never speak to me again but please don't hate me." Danielle sucked in a breath straightened her shoulders, ready for him to dismiss her request and meek explanation.


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