It was not uncommon to witness her husband Apparate into the house with a silent, troubled demeanor these days. Not with all of the---absolute clusterfuck of everything terrible that had been hovering around them like a stormcloud for the past several years. It seemed like they had done nothing more than be stalked by Death Eaters or be on the run from Death Eaters or be attacked by Death Eaters for the longest time, but especially within the past several months. There was never a moment where there wasn't something to worry about. But there was something different to the way James had carried himself back into the house this time that told Lily that the reason she was sitting there in front of Dumbledore was no run-of-the-mill security check to make certain of the closed-lipness of the members.
Even then, she wasn't expecting that.
"You can't be serious, Professor!" Eyes wide, she felt her grip on the arms of the chair tighten and without looking could tell that her knuckles had turned a stark white. But it wasn't anger that colored Lily's expression... it was bewilderment, an entire lack of comprehension. "Remus would never--There has to be an explanation for not answering his Patronus, because a claim that he would--" she stopped, unable to say the word in reference to such a dear friend "--the Order is absolutely ridiculous!"
Deathly serious, Dumbledore held a hand up, and as if she were still a naive first year sitting across from her Headmaster, Lily's mouth closed instantly. Reluctantly.
Seeing her sit back, Dumbledore heaved a weary sigh. "I expected this from James, but I plead you to be rational, Lily. My suspicions are valid and it is direly important that one of you consider them." She opened her mouth again to protest, but found herself unable to come up with a retort to prove him wrong.
It was a bad situation. A traitor so close---she still couldn't bring herself to believe that the kind, calm Remus Lupin could ever utter a secret that would hurt anyone in the Order, especially not to Voldemort, but the guilty 'what-if' stung. Maybe not Remus, but what if there was some traitor that knew all there was to know about them? About she and James? About Harry? What if there was a very simple reason for why they kept being found, no matter where they went--that someone whom they had allowed to know even the most confidential aspects of their lives was giving them up?
As guilty as she felt for even listening to the option that Remus was a suspect, she felt more guilty for so quickly retaliating when she thought of her son at home. No matter what, her deepest loyalty had to lay with the defenseless baby that was counting on her to make sure he survived long enough to put an end to this war. Pursing her lips, Lily let out a quiet breath. Her voice wavered, as if the words were physically painful to speak. "I will be vigilant."
Dumbledore nodded and Lily sensed the conversation was over. She stood to leave, but stopped at the door, pausing before turning back, a tightness in her chest. "But I refuse to jump to conclusions. I put my entire faith in all of our friends until the very end. Especially him." If they couldn't trust those like Remus... Sirius, Peter... who was there left to believe in?
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