Who: Veronica and Alastor
What: ...sigh.
Where: Alastor's apartment.
When: Tonight. Now.
“Alastor?”
Veronica peered into the room where she expected the man would be. It had been a very long day, and all she wanted to do was sit and talk with him until she fell asleep. It was one of her favorite ways to end a night, just being held in his arms as he told her everything was going to be alright. It was strange, how she always believed him. Everything always
did seem alright in those moments, and the thought of having that feeling again brought the smallest of smiles to her face as she spotted him sitting on the edge of his bed. “…there you are.”
The sound of her voice snapped him out of his daze. Blue eyes lifted up to meet hers, and while she was happy to see him, the sight of
her made him a little sad. The fact that her eyes had lost their vibrancy over time, mostly because of stress, made him think back to when he had first met the woman standing in his doorway. It was strange for him to think of how much time had passed since they had first met…and it was all because of Sirius Black. The boy had always been a bit of a thorn in his side, because of all the shit he pulled, but throwing him at Veronica was probably the only idiotic thing the boy did that paid off. Or, that was
his opinion. “I didn’t hear you come in.”
When he looked over at her, her face dropped a bit, and she started to gnaw at the corner of her bottom lip, tucking her hair over her ear. “I should have let you know I was here. I just…didn’t think. I’m sorry.” Her apology only made him sigh, shaking his head as he extended his hand towards her, glad that she knew enough to step forward and take it. “You know how I feel about apologies…especially when they’re unwarranted.” He pulled her forward, and had her stand between his legs. Her fingers laced with his, and she pushed some of his hair away from his forehead. He couldn’t understand how she could look at him without cringing. He had never, and
would never be a shallow man; he never gave a shit about appearances, but…she never even said a word about the fact that only a few weeks ago, part of his face had been mutilated. A good chunk of his nose had been blown off just moments before he had killed a man…and while it wasn’t the first time it had happened, it was the first time Veronica had really been thrown into that world.
His world. It was the first time she had gotten a taste of what it was like, being with him…and he didn’t like it. He didn’t like that the sparkle in her eyes had faded away, and even though she would never say anything, he knew it was because of all that had been happening.
He knew it was because of
him.
“…talk to me. Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours.” She spoke softly, though she was a little bit worried about what he would actually say. Most of the time, he didn’t say anything at all, but every now and then he surprised her. It was difficult, being in love with a man who didn’t communicate very well. It was sort of why she had gone off on Bess… It was hard, for Veronica to put a lot of faith in people. They always wound up disappointing her. They always wound up hurting her, and even if Bess hated her for it, she wanted to make sure the same things didn’t happen to
her. It had taken her such a long time to find someone who looked at her in a way that made her feel loved, and wanted…who actually told her they loved her, and sounded like they
meant it.
His eyes fell to the floor between them, his head hurting even more than it had before. Between his leg and his face, he was falling apart at the seams. “Perhaps it would be best if you took a seat, Veronica.” He looked up at her again, figuring it was best that he act like a
man about this, and not some scared little boy, though the look on her face was almost enough to make him reconsider doing what he was about to do.
Almost.
Veronica knew this wasn’t a very good situation. It took him too long to reply, and what he said was not something she wanted to hear. Long lashes pressed together as she blinked, swallowing before she quietly cleared her throat and took a seat beside him on the bed. Her hand never let go of his as she turned her body towards him. She wordlessly asked him to continue, though it was obvious that she was wary about what he was about to say. He turned to her, his head lowered before he lifted it, once again struggling just to look her in the eyes. When he didn’t say anything, Veronica squeezed his hand.
“…please just…say
something.”
Her words were quiet; barely audible. This was never a good situation to be in…when someone told you to take a seat, they were either about to break very bad, or very good news to you. She doubted it would be the latter. “Did…something happen? Is something wrong?”
His head shook. “No. No, not…yet.”
Since when did he not know what to say? He was Alastor Moody, he didn’t get caught up on silly things like
words. He
always knew what to say. He never cared what other people thought of him…and at this revelation, he thought it better that he not care what she thought of him either. Caring would just…make this harder. It would make things more difficult than it needed to be.
God, he wished he could not care…
“I wish there was an easier way for me to say this to you…” He trailed off, and wished he hadn’t. She scooted closer to him, looking at him with large, pleading eyes, shaking her head as she placed her hand on the side of his face. “Than don’t. Just-…don’t…whatever it is, you don’t need to say it now…please…” Leaning forward, she kissed him. His mouth instinctively moved against hers, his eyes shutting tightly as he resented the sinking feeling in his stomach. How could he be such a
fool? How could he let himself get so attached to this woman? In that moment, he
hated Sirius Black. He hated him for bringing her into his life…because it was now
his responsibility to get her out of it. To get
him out of
hers.
He pulled away from her kiss, despite her best efforts to keep him where he was. Noticing how she couldn’t look him in the eyes, her hand dropping down to rest on the mattress as he once again brushed her hair back.
“You know what it is I need to say…don’t you?”
Her eyes shut, and she started to feel the knot form in her throat…but she swallowed around it and looked up at him. She didn’t want to cry. She didn’t want him to see her cry. “…I’ve heard what you need to say more times than I’d like to admit…but I’d-…I’d rather hear you say it, than sit here in silence…I think-…I think I deserve that much from you…” She looked up at him, her eyes brimming with tears that she refused to let fall. Her words hit him hard, and the look she was giving him hit him harder…but she was right.
“I can’t keep holding onto something that is never going to work.” He had never been very good at breaking things gently. “I can’t keep prolonging the inevitable. It wouldn’t be fair…to let you believe that anything more will come from this. You need more than what I can give you…and you’re too good for me. I’ll never be a husband….and I’ll never be a father. I wouldn’t be able to do the things I need to do, knowing so much is on the line.”
Her eyes darted back and forth between his. “…so you’re saying I’m just…a distraction…?”
He swallowed roughly. This was harder than he thought. Maybe it was best to have her hate him…maybe it was best to hurt her now; nothing could compare to the pain she’d feel if he kept this going.
“Yes.”
The single word answer startled her a little bit, and she stared at him with wide eyes. “I-…” Her voice broke, and she swallowed around the ever growing knot in her throat. “…why-…why couldn’t you have decided this b-before you let-…before you let me fall in love with you…?” She couldn’t stop the tear that rolled down her porcelain-like cheek, and didn’t make any effort to wipe it away. This was all so sudden…this was all so unexpected. She had come to him, hoping to feel some comfort, after what had transpired between she and Bess…and now she was just having her heart smashed into pieces small enough to fit through the eye of a needle.
“…because I was selfish. Because I fell in love with
you…and I didn’t want to let go. But after everything that has happened…after everything that’s
been happening, it would be selfish of me to keep you.”
This felt like a slap to the face, and as she blinked, she felt more tears fall…her mouth opened, and she took in a shaky breath, only to purse her lips together when she couldn’t think of anything else to say. Her mouth twisted as she tried to keep her breathing steady. “…I-…I suppose it would be p-pointless for me to-…to ask you reconsider…?”
Without saying another word, Alastor slowly shook his head, staring down at their hands before he lifted them up, pressing the back of her hand to her lips, letting them linger against her smooth skin before he dropped them down to the mattress, and let go. “…I’m truly sorry.” Rising to his feet, he started slowly walking away from her. It didn’t matter that it was his apartment, he just…needed to go. He did, however, stall in the doorway. “…stay as long as you need…but please, I beg that you won’t be here when I return…” He couldn’t handle that, if she stuck around just to try and get him to change his mind. Resuming his walk towards the door, he reached out for the handle and started to turn it.
“…Alastor-…”
He stopped, realizing that she was in that doorway; the one she had been in when she had first arrived. It would probably be the last time he ever saw her.
“Goodbye, Veronica…”
With that, he turned the knob and pulled open the door, shutting it behind him. Deep down, he knew it was the right thing to do…but his heart was making him thing differently.
