erin b. kirke (erinkirked) wrote in valesco,
@ 2008-02-24 21:03:00

Entry tags:

Aland!
Erin had tried to keep herself busy, to keep this bad idea from fully formulating and taking effect. Because it could definitely go as bad as the badger case that Priyaranjan had to deal with yesterday, except it didn't involve wild animals. Puff wasn't a wild animal. Neither was Aland.

All right, she was going nuts. Erin knew, she knew that Aland had gone into her flat (was it her fault that she hadn't had time to fix wards? Not that she particularly saw him as a threat, but--that didn't give him the right--). It was seriously becoming an obsession. She couldn't find evidence, and after working in the lab for so long, Erin found that she couldn't do much without evidence or cold hard facts. It did make things easier, but it also made things long and---okay, not easier, but it made them right.

Anyway--she'd been doing a sidejob for the charms committee in Aland's neighborhood when she'd finally grown the nerve, and knocked a few times on the front door of his house and then panicked. Oh fucking Christ, what was she going to do? Scold him? Accuse him? Cause a scene? She hadn't talked to him face to face in months, and now she was going to come and---and what? Oh, oh fuck, fuck fuck, bad idea--

"Aland! Hi," she exclaimed as the door opened. Erin's eyes were wide with shock, never having been good at hiding her surprise or nervousness, "I--was in the neighborhood. Hi! How are you?"

Ohhhh, fuck.

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cheese_nammit
2008-02-25 03:32 am UTC (link)

Aland opened one eye and glanced out the door that led to the foyer from the sun room, where he was at. He debated ignoring it, the knocking, because no one ever knocked. Darren just apparated straight in, generally already yelling or saying something to him. Vivica wasn't out of school and generally his parents owled to 'request his presence' or whatever. Plus, it was naptime. The light in the bay-window was just perfect and would stay there for another hour, just the right temperature to nap shirtless. Sometimes he did it as a cat, but sometimes he liked to just lay there in the sun.

But then again, someone was knocking and that was different. Aland huffed, picking up his shirt and wand, grumbling to himself as he padded over to the door in his barefeet. He pulled his shirt on before opening the door and blinked a few times to make sure he was seeing things right. He scratched his head, his hair was a mess of bedhead, but that didn't matter because Erin was standing on his doorstep. He looked over his shoulder to see if Darren was pulling a joke or something before his brain caught up with him.

"Uh, Erin. Hi, um," Aland said, moving aside because it was quite rude to leave a lady standing on your porch. "Er, yeah. Well, welcome?"

Aland didn't know why he was welcoming her, she'd been here before, it was Vivica's place. But, the question was, what was she doing here now? Of course, it could be about Puff, but there was no way she could trace it to him. He'd used some other guy's wand he'd filched after one of their more 'productive' meetings. No one asked questions, so long as you didn't get caught. And there was no way Erin could've known, even though he was probably the only one in the wards (or so he hoped there wasn't anyone else). He had his reasons for doing it, Darren just didn't understand anything. Aland thought Darren was a stupid tosspot when it came to relationships though, so his opinion didn't matter.

"How's your family? Bree's probably ready to go, yeah? And Milo's crawling or something?"

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erinkirked
2008-02-25 03:51 am UTC (link)

"I--May, she's due in May, late May? So, still...still baking the...bun. It's a girl," Erin had no idea why she was blurting all of this, honestly, she didn't even know if Bree would want her giving all these details to Aland (they had never exactly seen eye to eye for some reason), but there she was. Blabbering on like a fool. "It's a girl, and Milo's getting there, he kind of just rolls around at the moment, but--he'll be crawling soon, I think."

She put a hand to her face, looking more than a bit flustered. This was just--strange. Erin didn't hate Aland, no, not like she'd hated some of her other ex-boyfriends, but things had ended so quickly and she still was having issues getting onto her feet--

--Okay, Erin knew in her heart that breaking up with Aland had been the best thing for her at the time. She thought he was a wonderful person, but she didn't want that life, she didn't--she was scared of being in a relationship for so long, she was scared of dealing with his parents and their expected life style, and she was scared...well, she could ignore it all she wanted, but it wasn't as if the Avery name hadn't popped up in the offices before as one of those names. So...Erin didn't know for sure, but things were supposed to be better this way.

"How's Vivica? I sent stuff through Puddifoot's, for her and the prefects--"

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cheese_nammit
2008-02-25 04:04 am UTC (link)

"Another girl, I think the Jugson line will continue it's legacy in a set of pretty, heartbreaking girls," Aland joked lightly, nodding a little. He tried to push back the sad smile on his face, but Aland was pretty much an open book most of the time and after the anger and all of that, there was nothing left to do but hang out alone or with Darren and it was just one big gaping hole and it was worse than anything. Seeing Erin standing there in front of him was just a red-hot poker in the chest, but there wasn't anything he could do about it.

He nodded a little, "She's good. Fed up with school I think - ready to get away from the other students, if her letters are any indication of how she really feels. I think it's worse, given Will and Annelise and then there's another girl in their year who's getting married too, so. I think it's hard for her to go back to the way she was...before the stupid Carrow prat," Aland shrugged. Most of what he was saying was stuff Vivica had told him, but he knew his sister was still hurting for some reason.

"D'ya want to sit?" Aland motioned over his shoulder to the room he'd just come from and started walking that way, because it was less awkward or whatever than just standing around in his foyer. There were a couple of chairs near the window where he'd been napping, his shoes were next to one and there was a magazine that had fallen to the floor. He stooped to pick it up and waited for Erin before taking the chair across from her. Aland looked up at the sun through the skylights and squinted a little. "What about you? Work is going good, I hear."

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erinkirked
2008-02-25 04:54 am UTC (link)

Erin nodded; she'd definitely felt that same pain her seventh year. She'd already had a job lined up at the charms committee, so her N.E.W.T.s had seemed pointless (of course she'd gotten nine because she had to, but). Vivica had the extra burden of being head girl and having a broken engagement, but...well, Carrow hadn't exactly been someone Erin had liked for Aland's sister. She didn't really know him, but simply looking at him gave her the chills.

"She'll go out and take over the ministry or something," Erin said assuredly, even though she believed Aland thought the same thing. She took the seat, her anger about Puff having dissolved for now. Aland had always been very easy to talk to.

"Work is..." Erin needed to find the right word for it. "It's intense, its definitely not lightened up at all, actually---Avis is getting married soon, so I've got that, and, well." The war was getting worse, Aland had to know that things were getting worse by the day, "It's not good."

And it kind of was killing any optimism she had toward life, but when she saw a wonderful thing like a baby or a wedding, well, Erin knew that all hope couldn't be lost, right?

"How's the bank?"

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cheese_nammit
2008-02-25 05:09 am UTC (link)

"Yeah, she's got that idea in her head, next to setting up a wedding boutique and then there's designing clothes or being a 'Courtship Counselor', whatever that is. I think it's better than having no ideas, though," Aland shrugged, fiddling with his shirt a little, looking anywhere but at Erin. He listened to her talk, nodding at the appropriate points.

Listening to Erin talk was really easy, since she did talk a lot, and he noticed her less-than-usual-bubbliness and knew it was because she was here, talking to him, mostly because there wasn't any other reason he could think of. It killed him too, to know he made her sad or angry or anything. "Um, the bank? It's er, goblin-y. I guess. Fiona had her baby, like, forever ago and I dunno if she's coming back any time soon. Her husband is a muggle, you know?"

Aland shrugged, "There's squeaky Peter, but he's no fun to talk to a lot of the time. I tried to get Darren to get a job there, but he's a twat and likes his girly dancing job."

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erinkirked
2008-02-25 09:48 pm UTC (link)

Erin used all her might not to roll her eyes at the mention of Darren. She had never understood, and probably never would, why Aland would want to spend time with that sleaze. Because that's what he was. He supposedly didn't sleep with his escorts, but Erin could just tell that he was up to no good--the drug kind of no-good, which was something she didn't want near her or anybody she knew.

"Well, you know, that's good. Keep work and pleasure apart," because really, Erin couldn't see Darren doing anything besides being annoying, but she shouldn't mention something like that. She pulled one leg underneath her and held back a sigh; they could go on with this small talk for ages, but it wasn't what they needed.

"Er, Aland..." she started, finally looking straight at him, "You know I trust you, but--I need to know if you're the one that took Puff, anything else doesn't make any sense."

She really, really hoped it wasn't.

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cheese_nammit
2008-02-25 10:20 pm UTC (link)

"I suppose," Aland shrugged, "he needs to grow up and that's saying something coming from me," he motioned to the house which was technically his sisters and his living in it. Darren was okay, most of the time and generally helped keep Aland from getting into too much trouble on his own, but when it came to Devon the guy was a complete fuck.

The question about Puff took Aland completely off guard and he turned his head from where he'd been staring out the window to look at Erin with a shocked look on her face. No! She couldn't've figured it out! There was no way! She was just guessing - but Erin was smart and if his look didn't give him away, his next response did, "Uh."

Aland shifted in his seat and looked down into his lap. "Yeah," he said quietly, but then glanced up at her before she could get too angry with him, "I didn't do it to be mean or whatever you're probably figuring. I just...missed him. And I didn't want you to have to see me or whatever, because well you shouldn't have to. I didn't mean to keep him that long, we were having fun and then I noticed the time and then you knew and I couldn't just bring him back like that so we went and played in the mud and then I brought him home, I didn't mean to hurt you or anything, I just... missed my dog."

He sighed and ran a hand over his face, "I know he's not really my dog, but I was lonely and missed you too and I thought I'd come see him but then you didn't close the wards and I thought I could get him back before you noticed and I don't know. I'm stupid."

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erinkirked
2008-02-26 02:29 am UTC (link)

She was supposed to be angry. She was supposed to be yelling at him for coming into her flat without permission, and she was supposed to be screaming that he'd invaded her privacy and taken her dog. But just listening to him made all of that dissolve and Erin nodded, looking down.

"You're not stupid," she muttered, twisting her fingers, "I should've---I mean, he is your dog, too, I mean, you've been around all his life," Erin didn't think she could mention how Puff had obviously been depressed by Aland's lack of presence in the flat. "I should've thought about him."

Ugh, it was like she'd messed up a divorce and parental visitation rights. Man, Aland must hate her--Erin knew she would've been bitter if it had been reversed, oy, how could she not have thought of it that way.

"I never--I mean, you could've...asked. I would've...I mean, I don't hate you, or anything. Not even close."

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cheese_nammit
2008-02-26 03:45 am UTC (link)

"Yeah, I am, otherwise why would I go and do something like that? Even Darren said I was being stupid. I just didn't want to have to force you to see me," Aland said to his knees, picking at an invisible thread like a petulant child being redressed for an idiotic action.

He shrugged, because he didn't really believe that she didn't hate him, there was some kind of...something behind her not wanting to be with him. "I didn't mean to make you worry. I thought that if I asked you'd thought I was just trying to be around you again, which, well, I'm not not trying to do that but that wouldn't have been the reason then. You were just so sad when I was around I don't want you sad and so if I'm not around then you're not sad."

Which was exactly the opposite for him, but it was Erin who got to make the decisions, right? You couldn't force someone to be with you and if you did it wasn't real and Aland had thought what they had was real but everything got really confusing and hard to figure out when there was all this emotion-y stuff involved. "It's better anyway yeah, you're happy and you love your job and stuff. That's what matters."

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erinkirked
2008-02-26 04:17 am UTC (link)

"No, you're not---stop calling yourself that, I've always said--" Erin stopped herself. Who was she to scold him, anymore? Aland wasn't stupid. He was a lot like Erin, not able to gather his thoughts, it didn't make him stupid. "You're not stupid."

She said this sternly, almost daring him to challenge her. He wasn't stupid, he was a bloody animagus, that took a lot of brains and talent, and even if they left all of this hating each other, Erin didn't think she'd ever believe that he was an idiot or anything like it.

Erin looked away again, so pitiful that they couldn't even look at each other, and let a breath out through her nose.

"I'm not happy, Aland, stop...stop...just stop," she kept her voice even. He just needed to--to stop feeling bad for himself and stop thinking she hated him and just--stop. They could be friends, she wanted them to be friends.

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cheese_nammit
2008-02-26 04:27 am UTC (link)

"Stop what?" he asked looking up, frustrated as all get out. "I'm not doing anything, I haven't owled, I don't talk to you on the journals, I'm not doing nothing to bother you. I can't not do anything more, I'm sorry I took your dog it was just a moment of, well I don't know what but it was a moment of something and I already said I wouldn't do it again."

Aland didn't cry; he got angry and he yelled and he threw things and hexed people, he didn't cry - so why did he feel like he wanted to right then? He wasn't going to in front of Erin though. "I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing, Erin. I can't hate you because you were right, I'm no good for you, I can't talk to you because it hurts both of us and I don't care about me, but I didn't ever want to hurt you. I don't, I don't know what I did or not did, and I'm sorry for not being who you want me to be."

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erinkirked
2008-02-26 04:48 am UTC (link)

"But why not?" she exclaimed before she could even think to stop herself, and Erin felt a flurry of anger hit, "You break up with someone and---and after a few days, weeks, you talk, you can talk, I miss talking to you, Aland, you're one of the best friends I ever had and---and the closest I can get to talk to you is you---you kidnapping the dog! I mean---"

Erin ran a quick hand through her hair, astonished that he really believed all the things he was saying. Had she ever? How--she hadn't acted meanly to him, she wouldn't have nastily spoken to him, ever, so where was he getting that she hated him? Did he think that all of his ex-girlfriends hated him? Did he think that's how life went?

"I fucked up, I shouldn't have done it the way I did, but holy fuck, Aland! I don't hate you! I can't hate you! I have tried to hate you, but I fucking can't." Erin didn't want to open a new can of worms, but did anyone know how hard it was---working with the aurors, having two for brothers; people talked about the Averys, they talked and all Erin could do was say 'Oh, no, Aland's not like that, I wouldn't think so, no' when all the---she trusted him, but how could she completely ignore---

"I'm not too good for you, get--get the fuck over yourself if you think that's---it's not, it's not that!" Holy shit, they should've had this discussion months ago, "It's---I'm not ready for any of that, any of this--I can't, and you--you are wonderful and sweet and kind," please, please be honestly kind, "And I can't, I can't settle down and give you what you want because that's---it's not what I'm meant to do and fuck if I know what it is I'm supposed to do, but--I just know---"

Erin shook her head, biting her lip hard as she tried to hold back her tears, "You're my friend, Aland, and I've missed you, and I don't want you to think---I--hate you, because---because I really, really don't."

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cheese_nammit
2008-02-26 06:45 pm UTC (link)

"That's not..." Aland shook his head, "You break up with someone and unless you run in the same circles and stuff yeah, you don't talk. It's just. The way things go," he said quietly, shrugging. He'd only really committed to like one other person and she'd thought him a duffer and then went and got pregnant from someone else. So of course there was hating. There had to be hating, its how it went on the wireless soap operas.

Aland frowned not knowing why she was getting so angry now and why it wasn't about the dog. "Who asked you to settle down? You're the one who asked me to move in, Erin. I don't know what you're talking about, I didn't ask anything of you, did I? I thought we were just... whatever. I didn't want anything but you."

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