Dedalus Diggle (violetto_phat) wrote in valesco,
@ 2009-06-24 17:50:00

Entry tags:

Eliza
Having been sitting in an empty room the entire time, Dedalus closed his journal after he confirmed that he would go to Eliza, instead of her coming to him. He leaned over, resting his head in his hands as he let out a long breath, trying to compose himself. This wasn’t going to be easy, what he was about to do; walk into a closet to talk to his girlfriend about whether or not they were ready to have a kid or not. He didn’t want to think about the consequences that could come from whatever option they chose, or whatever decision they came to…but he knew there would definitely be repercussions either way. People spent months, years even, planning for a baby…didn’t they? People were always trying to get pregnant, they went off their birth control and were constantly trying to create a child…but these two, these…kids, were able to get pregnant without even meaning to. How was that right? Why did things always work out like that?

Rising to his feet, he hid away his journal in the room. It was where he came to think sometimes, so he knew no one would be going in there, and no patient would be admitted into it. Opening the door, he stepped out into the hallway, his hands slipping into his pockets as he made his way through the hallways. Everything was different, now that he was an official healer…but the journey through those halls were still the same. It still took forever to get where he needed to go…especially when he was going towards something he was a little bit afraid of; that conversation that Eliza had been so scared of having herself.

Stopping in front of what seemed to be an ordinary closet, Dedalus quietly sighed before he reached out to turn the doorknob, using his other hand to knock gently. “…Eliza?” He murmured quietly, pulling the door open to see her sitting there pathetically with her journal. He knew where she was not because he had read her mind, but because someone had noticed her slipping in there every now and then, and thought he had a right to know that his girlfriend was hiding around in a broom closet. His side leaned against the door, and he just watched her for a moment before stepping forward, closing the door behind him.

“…I feel like we’re back in Hogwarts…”

He gave the most pathetic attempt at smirking, before looking down at the floor between them. He was trying to lighten the mood…maybe focus on something else, but it wasn’t working. His hand rose up to rub at the back of his neck, gnawing at the corner of his bottom lip.

Now what?

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elizaddled
2009-06-24 11:28 pm UTC (link)

"Could we just snog, then?"

Eliza failed at sending him a real smile, and her lips faltered into a frown a moment later as she looked toward the floor. This was pathetic, she was pathetic. It had been nearly a week since she'd broken the news to Dedalus and they still had no answers! She had thought that asking him what to do through the journals would make it easier, but all it did was cause them to skirt around the real issue and go back and forth and back and forth in a way that they had perfected during their nearly two year long relationship.

Two years. In September, it would be two years. Eliza felt like she'd never had a time without being with Dedalus, it felt like it had gone past with a blink of an eye. But--if they decided to keep the baby, in two years he or she wouldn't even be a year old, they probably wouldn't be able to walk; that was nothing! Two years felt like an eternity when you were waiting for a child to grow up, just imagine the seventeen years until the baby was an adult, and just---seventeen years was nothing compared to the eternity they would spend, being his or her parents.

Eliza pressed her knuckles to her mouth, trying to calm her breaths. That was what was driving her mad, she knew. She could handle watching her nephew, she could babysit Kevin when Ingrid needed a night off, but was she really strong enough to take care of a child for the rest of her life? Did she want to give her life up for a baby? That was being slightly dramatic, but--her entire life, from the moment she decided (if she decided) to keep the baby, would be entirely for him. Or her.

She really needed to find out the sex.

Or---or maybe she shouldn't, because she didn't know if she was strong enough and---Eliza looked up at Dedalus, lips twisted as she forced herself not to cry. It was coming down to one thing, really, and Eliza needed Dedalus' response before she could possibly figure out her own answer.

"Could you--could you do it? Could you---we made this baby and---could you," Eliza couldn't get the words out. Kill it? Get rid of it? Her thoughts on abortion had never been strong, but maybe the trembling of her hands were answering her own question. "Could you act like it---never existed?"

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violetto_phat
2009-06-24 11:52 pm UTC (link)

Her suggestion of just snogging in the broom closet was more tempting than she might’ve realized. He would give anything, to just have things go back to normal; to have things go back to a time where they could just kiss in a closet, instead of being there to talk about what they were about to talk about. This wasn’t easy for either of them…but this was probably taking a bigger toll on Eliza. This was, in the end, something she would have to endure for 9 months, and then she would have to give birth, and then…they’d have a kid. They’d be parents.

How did people remain so calm about this, when it wasn’t expected? When it just…happened, like this?

Watching her twist her mouth to the side, he knew there was a lot going on in her head. That was to be expected. It had taken a lot of willpower, to not listen in and figure out just what she was thinking…and to be quite honest, he was a bit afraid of what he would hear, if he even tried. What if her thoughts were more confusing than his were? He couldn’t handle any more confusion…his head would surely explode if he tried to take on her own internal debates as his own.

When she began to speak, Dedalus looked down at her, swallowing roughly at her words. This was so hard for her…he knew her well enough to know that she wasn’t handling this very well. The fact that she was in a broom closet was proof enough, but her not being able to talk to him was just…it was bad news, especially when you considered the topic of conversation. There was a moment’s hesitation before he stepped forward towards her, lowering himself down in front of her, reaching out to grab the hand that she had been using to cover her mouth. Even in the dark closet, the emotion behind his eyes was undeniable, making it clear that he was just as concerned as she was. He ran his thumb over the back of her hand, once again swallowing roughly around the knot that was forming in his throat. “…I’d never-…I wouldn’t be able to act like it never existed…that’d be impossible…and we shouldn’t have to pretend like this didn’t happen…no matter what we decide to do…” He looked down, and then looked back to her. “…I don’t know what to do…I just…want to help you, and do right by you…but I don’t know how…”

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elizaddled
2009-06-25 12:16 am UTC (link)

Eliza wasn't sure why she kept having these life-altering experiences. Most people gradually grew into their adult selves; things that went by from day to day, year to year, helped shape them along and become the people they were meant to be. For her, it felt like any sort of fate that was handed to her was just one big slap in the face. She'd had no idea her parents were getting divorced until they did, her mother became abusive and then killed herself one random summer afternoon, her brother got a girl pregnant and was married----and then she died, and---

---and then everything with the Order, ever since she found out about the Order, it felt like her whole life was frozen in this one spot, just terrified and waiting for what was going to strike next. What were they going to do now, if they had a baby in the middle of all of this? People were doing it, people were happy, but was it really worth all the fear? She was tired of being scared, what kind of stress would she be under if she had a baby to protect during this seemingly endless war?

Eliza blinked at the thought, her mouth turning into a flat line as she was struck with what had to be an epiphany. This was her baby, their baby. They'd somehow gotten pregnant in the middle of all of this mess, how could they not take on the responsibility? It was another person to protect, another person to be happy for when they made it out alive, and holy crap. She wanted to keep the baby.

Oh, oh holy crap.

Her lips twitched into a smile, a pathetic one, but it was a smile. This was their baby, their baby. Eliza for the first time felt her heart flutter at the thought, and as she stared back at Dedalus she could feel all of her love for him pounding in her chest. She'd created life with Dedalus when the rest of the world was dying and fighting for theirs.

Eliza's grip on Dedalus' hand tightened, holy crap, holy crap, "I think---I think I love this baby as much as I love you," she let out a choking sort of laugh, trying to fight back her tears. Her smile became wider, "And that's a---a whole lot, Mister. Head Boy."

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