J O Y [ mclaggen ] (almondjoy) wrote in valesco,
@ 2009-03-16 18:08:00

Entry tags:

[Sadface Finn!]
Sometimes it really sucked that Finn was the captain of the United. Like, you'd think it wouldn't affect her, but it did! Like, for example, it was because he was captain that he had even less time at home than the rest of the team. Or how because he was captain there was even more spotlight and publicity shined on them than the rest of the team's families. Or when the United lost a championship after practically waltzing on in and taking two in a row, it was because he was captain that he was taking the loss ten million times harder than anyone else on the team and making it very difficult--very confusing, still, after all the advice--for Joy to know what to do with him.

He'd slept late that morning, like late late, like she had gotten up a good two and a half hours before him when it was usually the other way around (okay well he usually had practice, but whatever IT WAS WEIRD). And once he had finally hauled himself out of bed, he basically just plopped himself down on the couch. With Cormac. Doing nothing.

She would have said this was worse than the shower, except the shower had been wet, so Joy supposed this wasn't worse, but---she'd gotten through the shower thing, somehow, and now he was posing her with another problem and goodness GRACIOUS this man was high maintenance shewasneverlettinghimcallherthatagainHEWASOBVIOUSLYWORSE!

Joy leaned against the archway to the kitchen as she watched him, biting down on her lip hard. Should she call Tibs? Or threaten to call Tibs? Because like, it had been a day now and he seriously couldn't be mad at her for wanting to do something to make him talk to her, could he? ... On second thought, no, she still didn't want to go there. But like!!!

Sigh.

Pushing off the wall, she stepped carefully into the living room until she got to the couch, and plastered a wide smile on as she tilted her head in an attempt to catch his eye. Outside, she looked happy and energetic as normal, but inside she was preparing herself to crash and burn. "You want lunch? I'm going to make some!"

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mcseeker
2009-03-17 01:10 am UTC (link)

For the past two years, the Puddlemere United had been the team to beat. There was no doubt in anyone in the quidditch world's mind, that if they wanted the Cup, they had to get past the United. No one dared say otherwise unless they wanted to stir up controversy. Finn was so used to this talk and this hype and this truth, because it was the truth for such a long time, that he couldn't see it any other way. The Puddlemere United was the team to beat if you wanted to win the Cup.

And the Harpies beat them last night, so what were they now?

He didn't give a shit that it was an all girls team. He'd heard Bell and Boot hollering about it, but Finn wasn't going to try and use that as an excuse. Those Harpies played better quidditch than they did, and he didn't give a shit which locker room they headed into at the end of the game. They had beaten them, they had kept them to a bloody pathetic score, and when it came down to the snitch, they had snatched it right up from under their nose.

From under his nose.

Cormac seemed to sense that he was not to run around and be ridiculous, and had been very good at sitting on Finn's lap, listening to the children's stories of the wireless. Mindless gibberish that had the baby enthralled, but it was much, much better than listening to the news, where he was sure all they'd be talking about was the match last night.

"Sure," he said, dropping his chin down to rest on Cormac's head. Part of him felt really shitty for getting Joy so worked up, but she really wasn't doing anything wrong, and he was feeling like shit, so what was the point in reacting with anything like vigor?

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almondjoy
2009-03-17 02:57 am UTC (link)

She almost frowned---almost, but she didn't because!! He had spoken, even if it was just a single syllable and sounded all lame and sad, and---she had to keep smiling, right? Because her smiling and being happy and all that was normal, and Finn was currently feeling very not normal and so the first step to getting him out of this rut was to help give him some normalcy, right?

See, okay, she could figure this out! Except... she had no idea where to go from acting normal, so maybe not. Ohhhh who was she kidding she was never going to know what to do, all she could ever hope to do was guess and---guess, just guess.

Maybe she should try to get him to get up, that was probably a start. But then again, the how was the problem. If he had Cormac, the little terror that had usually ripped the house to shreds by this time of morning, laying down and listening to the wireless and forsaking all of his toys for it, Finn was not ready to get up. That was serious right there. So Joy thought that it was probably going to be very difficult to find anything that was going to get him to get off the couch and moving around.

Well, start with the obvious first, right?

"Hey, why don't you help me!" she chirped, and just for good measure and to let him know that he wasn't going to get to just dismiss her to do it herself, Joy sat down on the floor in front of the couch. "I'm sure Cormac would like to help, he's getting really good at helping me cook. Come on, we can all do it together!"

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mcseeker
2009-03-17 10:07 pm UTC (link)

Cormac wiggled and slipped down to the floor to join Joy, and Finn had lost his only defense. It would've been so easy to say that he wanted to sit and relax with the boy, but of course Cormac just had to go and figure out what mummy was doing. What was he supposed to say now? No, because he was too busy sitting and doing nothing because he felt like a complete and total failure?

Yes, that was definitely how the man of the house was supposed to speak.

"Yeah fine," he let out with a sigh, pushing himself up to his feet. He'd go and do whatever, that didn't mean he had to be chipper and happy about it, right? Ugh----Finn hated making excuses for himself, and he normally would rant and rave about someone whining and basically being pitiful the way he was currently behaving, but he couldn't force himself to do anything else. Fuck, that was pathetic.

Finn stood with his knuckles pressing into his waist, looking down at Joy and Cormac, a poorly feigned smile on his face.

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almondjoy
2009-03-17 10:30 pm UTC (link)

"Oh.. oh, okay! Yay!"

There was no masking the surprise in Joy's voice when he agreed. Because there was no way she'd thought just asking him to get up would work, but there he was, standing up and---

---oh, this was not good.

She couldn't stop her face from dropping this time as he turned around and regarded her with that fake, painful smile. This was not good at all, this smile. This hurt to look at, Finn forcing it like that, because even more than all of the silence and the showers and sleeping and everything else, it was the clearest in that single gesture the true depth of how upset he was. Joy didn't move to stand up, and even Cormac, having been excited at hearing 'lunch', stopped pulling on her hair and trying to get her attention in that moment.

This had to stop now, this needed to be taken care of now.

"Sit down, Finn," she pleaded quietly, reaching up and putting a hand around his wrist. "Talk to me, please."

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mcseeker
2009-03-18 02:02 am UTC (link)

"What's there to talk about? I fucking lost," he bit his tongue, having tried to watch his language around Cormac (but the boy was watching his mother's hair swish as if getting ready to strike) but it was proving fruitless. Finn's father had used foul language around them all the time, and he had grown up learning that if a curse word slipped out of his mouth, he would be in deep shit. So--Cormac will figure it out, whether or not he eliminated the words from his vocabulary.

Which sure as fucking hell wasn't going to be any time soon.

"There's nothing I can do about it now, so let's just make lunch and get over it," Finn nudged Cormac's toes with his own foot, gesturing for him to follow. There was nothing to talk about; they had lost, he was pissed off about it, and now he was hungry.

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almondjoy
2009-03-18 03:23 am UTC (link)

"Finn!" It wasn't clear if the exclamation in her voice was a reprimand for the foul language or frustration at his answer. From the wide-eyed look on Joy's face, it could have been either--maybe both. Her hand tightened around his wrist and she pulled towards her, despite the fact that she knew she could never hope to physically move a professional Quidditch player from his spot.

He was so---he was so---how could he say that! She had just watched him drown himself in a shower and mope around for a day, and now he was telling her that there was nothing to talk about. Did he think she was stupid?

Cormac responded to the nudging by looking up at his father, his eyes clearly following Joy's arm as he did so and it seemed for the first time he could tell that something was not right. The boy looked back and forth between them, unseen by his mother, who had determined eyes locked on Finn.

"Cut the crap, seriously. You don't get to block me out."

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mcseeker
2009-03-18 05:41 am UTC (link)

"From what!"

He wasn't--he wasn't angry. This was a weird and uncomfortable feeling he had, there wasn't anger towards anyone or anything (except towards himself, but even that wasn't burning like it usually did). Finn couldn't figure out what he wanted to do, what he should do, or what would make him feel better. When shit got bad, he got angry, that's how he was, but he felt so---so----bloody----

There wasn't anything he could say! What could he say? That he felt---he felt---Men don't talk about this kind of stuff, they just---did---

"What do you want me to say! Block you from---I've got nothing to say, Joy, it's---over!" Finn pressed his mouth tight, feeling the words hit him again. He felt so stupid for being upset, he knew that hundreds and thousands of people went to bed last night and woke up this morning fine because it was just a bloody game---fuck, even some of his teammates were probably fine and dandy, but this was his life. Quidditch was his life and to be the reason that his team wasn't playing in the cup in two weeks---

He felt fucking useless, "There's nothing to say."

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almondjoy
2009-03-18 02:12 pm UTC (link)

She stood up so fast that she didn't remember doing it once she was staring him in the face, Cormac making a disgruntled protests behind her at losing his seat. "Why do you have to be like that!?" she exclaimed, sounding---not angry either, but certainly like she was about to pull her hair out. And considering her hair took like, a lot of money to get done like this, that was super frustration right there.

"You've been walking around like a bloody ghost---what, because you didn't catch a snitch!? Like everything's over and there's nothing left to live for because you didn't make it into the finals one year?"

Joy shook her head, but she wanted to shake him, she wanted to physically shake him out of this because he was being--this was ridiculous! This was not how the captain of a team was supposed to act, right? "The only way you're going to be a loser is if you let this get to you like this, instead of deciding that you're going to come back next year and kick arse and take back what's yours!"

She let go of him and backed up a step, realizing she really had been quite close to his face during that little speech. "If you can't do that, then you get to say it's over--and in that case, you're not half the man, or player, or captain anyone thought you were."

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mcseeker
2009-03-21 06:40 pm UTC (link)

Now he was angry.

So---so apparently he wasn't allowed to show anything but complete and utter maturity, he wasn't allowed to fucking sulk for a day and be miserable because the whole past year and been a fucking waste. Because he didn't catch a snitch? Did she really think that was it? Because he'd lost a game? What---what did she think athletes did? This was his fucking life and he had hundreds, thousands of fans following his every move, his every turn and action, and he had failed them.

He'd disappointed all of the Puddlemere United's fan base, and he was supposed to just suck it up and be happy? Like nothing was lost? All his bloody life he'd been second best to everything, to his brother, to the other kids in his class, he'd had it drilled into his head by his father that if you weren't the best, it wasn't bloody worth it at all, so---so fuck that, he was allowed to be----angry.

But--he had enough sense not to scream and yell in front of the baby. Finn knew he and Joy were infamous for their rows, and he did feel like letting out his frustrations, but you know--Cormac was their saving grace once again, and he just smiled tightly, forcibly.

"Let's go make a lunch, Cormac, no more sulking," Finn said cheerfully, though his eyes were telling a very different story. He bent down and picked up his son, hefting him up high with one arm as he started toward the kitchen. "God forbid you're allowed to be upset about a major disappointment in your life."

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almondjoy
2009-03-23 05:16 am UTC (link)

The second Finn's back was turned, Joy's eyes rolled back in her head and her lips formed silent words something like 'HOLY FUCK!', matching frustrated arm motions and all. But it was silent, for the same reason that Finn hadn't gone off on her just now. While frequent, their fights never happened in front of Cormac. All of the yelling and door-slamming and venting happened either while he was far away with a babysitter, or else across the house and sound asleep. If there was one single thing in the world they could agree on, it was that their son didn't need to grow up listening to their constant rows.

Which still didn't mean that they were mature enough to work things out like calm, rational adults. Just that they would always try to be loud and immature in private.

"Yeah, god forbid!" she chirped sarcastically, the tight smile evident in her voice. "God forbid you've got someone who cares enough to not let you dwell on it and tell you you're not half the loser you think you are!"

She wasn't sticking around for this, for these fake-happy bites back at each other. At least he was mad now, not just sitting there wasting away or whatever--however, if he was going to be pissy with her the rest of the day for telling him the truth, then she didn't need to stay. "You boys have fun with that lunch. I've got an appointment with the florist later, I'll get something out," she called as she turned down towards the bedroom. Men.

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