Who: Estella & Caden Flint (Marcus Flint too!)
What: He comes home!
Where: Their house
When: Reeecently
Status: Finishing in tags
With all the chaos of her mind, Estella couldn't completely tell you how much she appreciated the quiet of her house. The boys had noticed Caden's obvious lack of presence, which she had blamed on lots of quidditch practice, and they'd
definitely picked up on Estella's more than miserable demeanor. Jacob had asked her numerous times if she was hurt (teary eyes automatically meant hurt, she supposed, to a two-year and a half year old), and Marcus had helped her with chores which was---well, at first she'd thought he'd done something wrong, but he began following her around all afternoon and Estella understood.
"'Wherever they go, and whatever happens to them on the way, in that enchanted place on the top of the forest, a little boy and his Bear will always be playing,'" she finished reading in a soft tone. Estella grinned as they flipped to the last page of the Winnie the Pooh book, and Marcus grabbed the back cover of the book, looking for more pages with a frown. "Did you like it?"
"Yes," Marcus said with a slight 'humph' at the fact that he didn't find more pages to the story, "But I think I need to try some honey."
Estella was about to say that she would pick some up at the grocery next time she went, when the turning of locks and clicks of the doorknob snapped up her attention. No one else had keys, it had to be--she couldn't help the grin, albeit a bit of a wary one, that slid onto her face as Marcus jumped off the couch and toward the front door.
It was actually a little bit pathetic, how many times he had walked back and forth in front of the door to his own house. He stared down at his sneakers as he took each step across the deck, making sure not to make too much noise. There was no need to draw any attention to himself, since he was sure that if they had any neighbors they would be looking at him as though he had eight heads. A hand kept rising to rub at his jaw, and then extend towards the doorknob, the other key aiming the key towards the lock, only to pull back to run through his fingers through his short brunette strands. “Fuck…fuck, fuck
fuck…” He muttered this ever so charming word several times, too quiet to be heard by anyone inside, but louder than a whisper. Eventually, he would take a seat on the bench that was sitting nearby, and let out a heavy sigh, leaning forward to hold his head in his hands. He hadn’t even gotten inside yet, and he was already falling apart.
He looked like a shell of himself, since this whole pregnancy had thrown him through several hoops, and it had taken him quite some time to pull himself together after exploding at his wife when he had first heard the news. She looked so
happy, and the first thing he could think was that she had gotten pregnant on purpose, because
she had wanted more children. It made sense to him, at the time, because he was so mad he could hardly think, but then he remembered just who it was he was accusing of such a thing. This was
Estella. This was his
wife, someone who didn’t even buy new
furniture without checking with Caden at least 5 times to make sure it was alright. This was a…a
baby, this wasn’t a fucking arm chair they were talking about. It was just so…sudden. It wasn’t something he had prepared himself for, as ridiculous as that sounded. He was happy with
them, he was happy with Marcus, and Jacob, and Estella, and…other children hadn’t even crossed his mind. Maybe that was because he blocked that idea out. It was the only thing that made sense.
After a few more minutes of sitting outside, Caden rubbed at his eyes, which were tired because he hadn’t slept properly the last week or so, and then rose to his feet. Turning, he swallowed roughly and placed the key into the lock and twisted, hearing it click open. He hesitated before he turned the doorknob, and opened the door. He couldn’t hide from this forever…
Stepping inside, he locked the door again, and placed his keys down on the ledge near the door, taking a few more steps into the house. He stopped as soon as he reached the living room, feeling his entire body freeze up as he saw Estella sitting there, before his attention turned to the small boy who was running towards him.
His boy, his son… He hadn’t even realized how much he had missed Marcus until he saw him running at him like that. For the longest time, he didn’t feel
connected to him, like…like he was actually
his…and then Estella came along. Fuck, he really had screwed things up, and this knowledge wasn’t helping his anxiety. Lowering himself down to be eye level with Marcus, he froze up once again when his son gave him a hug, which was returned after he had recovered from being slightly stunned. He held him close, staring down at the floor so that he didn’t have to look at Estella right away. “Hey, kiddo…” Caden’s voice was soft, and it was the first words that either of the other two people in the room had heard him say since he had left. Marcus pulled back and looked at his father, raising his brows. “Where’d you go? Why’d you leave?” Caden cleared his throat, pushing back his hair since it was falling into his face. He needed to get him a haircut… “It’s hard to explain.” “…are you gonna leave again?” Marcus had now started to play with his own hair, pushing it back like his father had done just a few moments ago. Caden finally looked away from Marcus, and made eye contact with Estella, swallowing roughly. “…I don’t plan on it…” He looked back to the 4 year old. “Listen, Marcus…I need to talk to Estella for a little while…” “You mean you want to talk to Mummy?” The sound of that title being spoken by his son was something that gave him an indescribable feeling. The boy looked so…happy…content. He had absolutely no idea what was happening between his father and Estella, and-…
Once again he looked over to Estella, pausing before giving an answer to his son’s question. “…Yeah.” Caden’s voice was once again quiet, barely audible even, before he looked to Marcus. “Be good, and go up to your room, alright? I’ll be there soon.” The boy nodded, and followed instructions, bolting down the hallways to get to his room. Once he left, the two adults were left alone in the silence. Caden was still crouched down, and was staring at the floor, still trying to get his thoughts straight. Eventually, he slowly rose to his full height, avoiding eye contact for as long as he could before looking over to Estella.
Now what was he supposed to do? Where did he start? What did he say? What he wanted to say was 'I'm sorry', but those words didn't feel like they were enough at the moment. There had to be something better...he just didn't know what, and because of this, he didn't say anything. He just stood there, trying to find what words were appropriate.
Maybe he should have waited a little longer...
Estella busied herself with putting the books she and Marcus had been reading into a neat pile on the side table. While her eyes darted around to the couch cushions where books were sticking out from every crevice, she listened very acutely to the conversation between Caden and Marcus. Her eyes were immediately struck with tears at the sound of being called mummy by the boy, and--it hadn't been the first time, Marcus had asked her
permission to call her that and it was
so cute and wonderful and---she was quite sure Caden had never heard it before. Jacob was still confused between 'Caden' and 'Daddy', hearing herself and Marcus call him different things, but she supposed, one day---
---it just made her think that they were never going to get the chance to avoid that confusion with a child, to let them know from the very
beginning that they were his or her mother and father, it was...just not, it was just not going to happen. Estella pressed her knuckles to her nose trying to stop herself from completely falling apart before even saying a
word to Caden. Odette would've told her to kick him back out of the house, she was sure, but she was just glad to see him---well, she hadn't actually
looked at him, it was more of a...peripheral vision sort of thing.
Estella pulled her legs out from underneath her to set her feet on the floor, unsure if she could actually stand with how nervous she was getting. She shouldn't
be nervous, this was her
husband, but the fact that Caden had come home meant that it was only getting closer to when they'd have to lose the baby and---she couldn't---
"I--er--there's...food," she muttered pathetically, adding onto her pathetic demeanor. She couldn't even lift her head to address him properly, sitting hunched forward as if waiting for a bloody scolding. Estella just--she couldn't bring herself to gather the strength to
do this.
He waited for her to stop moving around, standing where he was as he watched her mess around with the books that were scattered everywhere. The silence was nearly
deafening, but when her voice finally broke it, he couldn’t help but wish for the silence back. She sounded so…- He couldn’t even think of a word to describe it. Depressing, was probably the best word, but he wouldn’t ever admit to that. This entire situation was something he wished neither of them had to deal with, and he knew for a fact that it was he who had created this entire mess…but he couldn’t help it. It wasn’t his fault, that his outlook on having a child always ended with someone
dying. It was as thought that process had been programmed into his brain; someone comes into the world, but someone also leaves it. He couldn’t have that happen.
There was no reply given to her comment about the food, except for a light sigh and a shake of his head, hesitating before stepping towards her. For the second time since he had been back in the house, he lowered himself down so that he was in front of her, but wasn’t towering over her, looking down at her. He didn’t know how long she was going to not look at him, and he didn’t really blame her. He had had a lot of time to think about things from her point of view, and it just…it ruined him, to know how happy she was about this baby, how excited she was, while he couldn’t share that happiness, or that excitement…not right away, anyway. But how long would that take? How long would he not be able to look at this as a
good thing?
“…Stell…” Her name came out as practically a whisper, those teal eyes of his trying to lock onto her own, even though she was currently avoiding looking at him. Reaching out, he placed his hand over hers on the couch, and picked it up, looking down at it as his fingers slid through her own, his thumb sliding along the back of her hand. It was her left hand, and his eyes were focused on the wedding and engagement ring that he had given her a couple of months ago. He had meant every vow he said that day, in the church. In sickness and in health, for better and for worse…through
everything he’d stay with Estella. He loved her so much that it was difficult for him to find ways to express that to her without sounding like a bumbling fool. He told her as often as he could, and showed her, but he wasn’t really sure if that was enough…and then this had to happen, and he had to be an asshole and automatically place all of the blame on Estella. After a few more moments of just holding her hand, he lifted it to his mouth and placed a kiss on her knuckles, letting his lips linger against her smooth, soft skin before pulling it back, placing his other hand over it before letting out a heavy sigh, shaking his head. “…I didn’t-…” He cut himself short, finally looking up to meet her eyes. “…I’m sorry…”
He was right, that didn’t even come close to making any of this better, and as soon as the words, as sincere as they were, left his mouth, he wanted to just go back in time and replace them with those ‘better words’ that he still couldn’t think of. Looking down to the floor, he continued holding onto her hand. “I’m sorry…I wish-…I wish there was something more I could say, something…other than those words, which seem so God damn empty, and not nearly…
enough…” He met her eyes again. “I know-…I know you didn’t-…” He swallowed and tilted his head down, bringing their hands to press against his forehead as he shut his eyes, speaking quietly. “Damn it…”
It was becoming increasingly harder to remain calm and relaxed. Estella knew from her first pregnancy that her heart affected the baby's own heart rate (though she had no idea if he or she even
had a heart beat, yet), so for the past week or however long it had been, she'd been very,
very good at just---
speaking in a frantic manner, and not actually allowing herself to get more hysterical than that. Surely this was quite impressive to everyone that knew Estella, but
now. Oh---oh
now all that supposed 'strength' she was showing during this hard time was
completely dissolving. Dissolving into the tears in her eyes, dissolving into her shaking shoulders, it was all
gone and out the window.
Feeling his hand on hers, his lips, tightening her own grip on his fingers, Estella couldn't possibly try to control her emotions. After all this time of putting on a somewhat good face for the boys, for her students, for her friends, Caden coming in and without saying
anything before he apologized for everything, it far too much for her to handle. She was nodding before he'd finished, and by the time he was done apologizing for a supposedly poor apology, she was crying profusely. Estella waited barely a second after he finished speaking before lurching forward and wrapping her arms tightly around his neck.
God, she was so happy to see him, and to hear that he
didn't believe she'd done this on purpose was so ridiculously overwhelming that she couldn't
breathe.
"I---I---I--it
was an--an---
accident and--and---" she tried to convey, words getting mumbled and jumbled together in his shoulder. Estella was nearly falling to the ground now, in her attempt to pull Caden as close as possible. It felt like she'd frozen herself in time, forcing herself not to deal with his absence, and now all of the pain at having to sleep on her own, waking up to an empty side of the bed was now rushing at her at full force. Her breaths were sharp and fast as she tried to capture enough air to get everything across, but it was proving difficult, "I'm---I'm---
so glad you're----you're
home."
