Who: Emmeline Vance and Caradoc Dearborn
What: :(
Where: The Order House
When: Tonight, before the battle



There was a raging battle going on somewhere in the countryside, and all Emmeline could do was worry about how she looked. It was stupid and superficial, but as she hid in the hallway of the Order's headquarters, she couldn't think of anything outside of 'is my hair all right?'

She was beyond pathetic, but with the past two weeks having been the absolute worst of her life, Emmeline was figuring that being completely out of her mind was allowed. He was there, she could hear him moving and breathing, but she just couldn't turn the corner. It wasn't as if he was going to jump and attack her (she didn't think at least), it wasn't as if he could say anything meaner or more hurtful than he already had (that she'd--deciphered, but--still), so there really---what was she afraid of?

Maybe that was it--she had no idea what to expect from Caradoc, and usually she could read him like---like a bloody book, stupid Ravenclaws and their---books. Emmeline had always liked to believe (liked, that word felt so stupid, now--) that she knew him so well, but now, she could only even try to attempt to figure out where he was mentally, right now.

A loud shuffle made her jump, and Emmeline finally pushed off the wall to enter the living room and---"You're leaving?" Because--that's what it looked like, and her heart slammed against her chest.

What else was he to do? Simply sit here for the rest of his already finished life and wait until everything had 'washed away,' as Dumbledore had so unrealistically put it? Yeah, no. He was what they wanted, he was willing, so why wasn't he out there, like every fucking one else? It wasn't like he was necessary, or even important anymore to the Order--- Dorcas was. He had ceased to be of any use, except for squatting in a house that had basically become his personal circle of hell, visitors included.

So yes, he was leaving. To fight, to his death--- honestly, it had all washed over into nothing exciting the second time around. The decision had actually been quiet simple, really. The prospect of dying was much more--- Caradoc didn't think he could handle another painfully sympathetic face from Alice Longbottom or one more numb gaze from James Potter without pulling out his wand and just ending all their misery.

If going out there didn't kill him, then staying here would.

But, ha, ha, of course, just as he was getting ready to leave--- Emmeline. She just wasn't going to let him go, was she? Caradoc stayed straight in his crouched over position, back to her. That would help--- to have the option to not look at her face. "You're not suppose to be here," he started harshly, looking down at the ground to his hands. The thought of telling her where he was actually going suddenly made him feel disgusted, so instead, he decided to lie. Why not, he was already going to hell.

There were a lot of things she wasn't supposed to be doing. She wasn't supposed to be fighting a war with a secret society against the greatest dark wizard of their time. She wasn't supposed to be jobless and sitting around writing stories that didn't have any meaning, she wasn't supposed to be the target of some death eater's plot and there she was, over and over again getting into the trouble no one in their life would ever ask for.

Except she really didn't know why she was here, anymore. Now that she was in the same room as Caradoc, that burning desire to see him fizzled into something like trepidation. She could feel that he didn't want her there, that he hadn't even turned around to look at her, but Emmeline's feet stayed rooted to the ground. Her mind had jumped to a thousand responses to his sharp remark, and it would normally take her less than a second to answer him with something as equally pointed. But--Emmeline just looked down, shoulders slumping in the defeat she'd been feeling since he'd snuck into her room at three in the morning to tell her of their imminent demise.

"I needed to see you," she answered a question that wasn't asked. That, she did not care about saying, because all she could give Caradoc was the truth. No fancy words, no twists of the tongue that could get convoluted and stretched into tangents she didn't want to go on. He could get mad at her, and he probably would, but it was the plainest statement she could muster at the moment.

That was not what he wanted to hear. Caradoc took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a few moments as he recollected himself. He could... do this. Just because she was here, now, didn't mean anything had changed. There was nothing left that they could do, nothing that could be done. He wondered briefly if she thought that something could change by her coming here. No, Emmeline was much smarter than that, he was certain.

"It's not safe," he replied quickly, standing up. Caradoc ran his hand through his hair, still looking at the ground while he didn't face her. Should he--- he wanted to, most definitely. But that didn't mean--- with a sigh, Caradoc turned to face her, his eyes automatically going to her face. They most definitely did not have the dark to help hide their faces this time, and at that very moment, he wished he hadn't turned to look at her.

She looked---- absolutely horrible. Her eyes, her face, her body--- Caradoc felt his chest twist agonizingly as he took her in, knowing fully well that this was because of him. Him! This was what he had been trying to avoid, trying to push her away from, but--- no, it hadn't worked. In a moment of weakness, he felt his face form into miserable mess. This was wrong. This was uncalled for, it wasn't--- this wasn't fair.

Caradoc took another deep breath, feeling his chest heave greatly. "It's not safe," he repeated, this time in a lower tone.

She hadn't seen his face in days. Emmeline knew that she had longed to see him, to look at him, but nothing could have prepared her for the overwhelming sense of---she smiled, a small, twitch of a smile, but just seeing his face---

"I know," she breathed, clutching her hands nervously in front of her. She shouldn't be nervous, there was no reason to be nervous. What Emmeline wanted to do, to say, to---she wanted to---she just---her mind was completely and utterly fried, there was nothing she could attempt to muster, the only thing her mind was capable of doing was moving her feet toward Caradoc. Her eyes were locked on the ground, this ridiculous nervous feeling keeping her from looking him in the eye, but---but it was---she was gone, she was beyond gone.

Maybe it was the lack of sleep, maybe it was her mind finally registering the full severity of everything, but she sure as hell couldn't do anything else in this very moment.

Emmeline stopped moving when her eyes caught sight of his shoes, and even then they weren't close. Her body yearned to be close, she wanted so badly to be close, but that her mind got loud about. She didn't know if she could be close, anymore, if he wanted her to be or if---she just didn't know a damn thing anymore, and while it used to drive her mad, being out of the loop or confused--right now Emmeline was rather glad she couldn't think. Finally she tilted her gaze up at Caradoc, looking at him again causing another smile to slip onto her face for a moment, "But--I needed to see you."

He felt his body tense up, and consciously Caradoc balled his hands together tightly. He did not want her near him, she shouldn't be. He didn't want there to be--- she was making this harder than it needed to be. He was already restraining himself, why was she trying to torture him with coming closer, letting there be the opportunity for him to touch her, or get a whiff of her scent, or---- anything. Determined to keep his demeanor, Caradoc stood very still and refused to move an inch. She was tempting him--- very much so to just--- no, no. For once, he was going to do the right thing.


"Well---" Why was she smiling at him? How could she even smile. He faltered for a second, taken off guard. She was here to torture him. Caradoc felt his hands flex open slightly, and his upper chest begin to ache even more. He supposed that was it. Taking another deep breath, he tried again to take his gaze off her face, but found it just as difficult to pull away. It was like his eyes were locked on her, but he willed nothing more than to just look away.

There wasn't anything to say--- what did she want from him? His mouth opened slowly, and not for the first time in the past week, Caradoc was hard pressed for an answer. Somehow, he figured his quick-witted phrase days had come to an end. "Here you have it," he finally stated lamely, shoulders shrugging it what would appear in a lazily manner.

Here he was---there you have it. Emmeline blinked slowly up at Caradoc as she slowly turned over his words. That was---it. What did she come here for? Beyond wanting to see him, which really did feel good, inexplicably good. Her mouth opened to try and find the words that she felt like she had prepared, a long, winding speech explaining anything and everything, but in all reality she hadn't a thing in her mind.

What could she say to him?

She could say---that he looked terrible, she could ask him what had happened, she could say that Frank was being a terror but she escaped his overprotective clutches; that would make him smirk, once upon a time. She could say that she hadn't heard any news from the battle, she could make up a lie and say that things were going well. She could---she could tell him that he made her chest ache more than any torture she'd ever endured, she could tell him that the past six days were the worst one-hundred and forty-four hours of her life, she could---

She could tell him she was sorry, that she was so sorry about getting him into this situation, and that in an instant she would do whatever was necessary to get him out of it. Emmeline felt her chest begin to rise and fall in a heavier, more than panicked fashion as her mind continued to race. She could go, would that make things better? Would they still want to kill Caradoc if they had her? Yes--yes, it was far too late for that sacrifice. Oh, oh God, she should have done that before, she wasn't thinking! She hadn't thought about---they always got out of trouble, how could she just have sat back and let things get this far? She could've---she could've just---if she had just stepped forward first then Caradoc wouldn't be facing his death at every shadow, around every corner!

"I---" she choked out, completely floored at how she had put herself into such a mental frenzy without moving a centimeter closer to him. Emmeline looked away, a sharp pain striking her chest. How---how could she have been so stupid?

"Stop. Stop thinking."

Despite his better interest, of course he said something. Caradoc was always going to be able to tell when Emmeline was letting herself get too carried away with her thoughts. It was honestly too easy to tell at this point. Her face would freeze, her eyes would lock as if some epiphany had just spread across her, and her mouth would hang open just slightly, as if only wanting to let in a trickles worth of air. One of Emmeline's many classic looks that he was used to, because most of the time they had been directed toward him. Plus, he had always taken a keen interest in her emotional expressions, half of the time they were beyond hilarious.

The realization of that thought suddenly made his body sink, because--- that wasn't going to happen anymore. Unless by some freak turn of events, where he.... but, let's say, even then--- things wouldn't be the same. They wouldn't be, it would be too hard because of how intense everything had become now, so. An uncontrollable frown formed on his lips, and as hard as he tried Caradoc could not wipe his face bank again.

His left hand began to float feebly toward her, but just as soon as it had begun to move, it stopped. No--- nooo. No, no---- "It's not your fault," Caradoc stated clearly, suddenly realizing that this statement was the most important thing he could ever say to her. She needed to know that, she needed to understand that he didn't blame her. For this, for--- everything. And at that moment, it became perfectly clear to him that with everything, everything he had been dealt with... Caradoc honestly wouldn't have had it any other way. Funny.

"No regrets." The most ironic of smiles played on his lips as he finally let himself reach for her, his hand lightly brushing itself against her cheek. Ahhh.

His touch sent away any hesitation she had in her body. Emmeline couldn't stop herself from pushing forward and into his chest. She hoped and silently begged that he didn't push her away, but her mind couldn't even stop to focus on that fear. Emmeline's eyes shut as tightly as possible, fists clenched by her side because even though she hadn't stopped herself from pressing into Caradoc, a terrible voice was telling her she couldn't hold on. She couldn't hold on to him anymore and this was all she was she was going to be able to get for---the rest of her life. This was it. This was it. She could try to fool herself that they'd be able to make it one more day, just a few more hours until the death eaters got him, or got--her. Emmeline knew that she wanted to pretend that they could try to make it out of this alive, but---it was a shit time for her logic to start working again.

Her face turned and she pushed her forehead hard into his chest, shaking her head at how utterly insane this all was. Two years ago she could never have imagined being this deep into the war, and now it was consuming every aspect of her life. Emmeline tried to think---if she hadn't joined the Order she would probably be living in France with her parents, having given in to their wishes and taken a husband. Probably would have a child, and she'd be a master at throwing tea parties and the like.

No, no. This fate was much better than any of that. No regrets, he was right.

"I can't come up with anything remotely impressive to say," she let out, opening her eyes, only to wipe away at her tears.

Caradoc struggled internally, unsure whether he should allow her press herself this close to him for much longer, or at all. He supposed.... what did it matter anyway? She seemed to understand what was really being said, so maybe he was permitted--- they were permitted, to reward themselves for just a few more moments. Lulled by that fact, he did not hesitate to wrap his arms around her and relinquish what little was left. She felt hot against him, but in the most pleasant way imaginable. That feeling alone almost made him forget where he had been about to go before she appeared. Almost.

Well---

It didn't matter how long they stood there for, it always wouldn't be enough. So gently, like dealing with fine china, he loosened his arms and slowly began to shift away from her. "I have to go," he said quietly, reaching up to Emmeline's face to wipe her tears away with his thumbs, and sweep her hair away from her face. Finding no other reason to linger for an extra last touch, Caradoc's hands fell back into place at his sides. His smile fell, and it took him much effort to finally look away from her.

There was no doubt seeing her now would affect him severely at the battle but... he didn't care. It didn't matter. Curtly and without a wandering glance, Caradoc turned away from her quickly. In the same motion, he pulled out his invisibility cloak and drew it over his head. Taking a deep breath, he walked away without looking back.