JAMES randall POTTER (misterprongs) wrote in valesco,
@ 2008-11-16 19:42:00

Entry tags:

Lily! >>
So...he had no idea where to begin.

He could be wrong. He could definitely be wrong, except James Potter was rarely wrong. Which brings up the issue of wanting to be wrong at this particular moment in time. He was sitting in the...he supposed it was just a sitting area of their living quarters, his fingers twisting around the small vial of a pregnancy test. Madame Pomfrey had looked at him, a scolding look that he couldn't understand seeing as he'd been out of Hogwarts for more than a year and had been married for most of that time, but he supposed the matron along with most of the other staff at the school still saw him and Lily as the bickering duo that filled the halls with loud, angry cursing or ridiculously sappy moments.

Sometimes he still thought of himself that way.

James didn't want to be wrong. Not that he was ready to have a baby, because before when they were trying, he thought they were ready, but when the healers said the chances were slim to nothing, he had begun to think about the positives of it. They were in a war, they were some of Voldemort's favorite targets---it wouldn't be fair to bring a baby into this world. So now, almost a year after their dreams had been shattered and he'd accepted the idea of never being a father, there seemed to be a bit of a glimmer of hope that he wasn't sure he was ready for.

Sighing greatly, James pushed himself up and stuck the vial into his back pocket, pushing the door open to their bedroo. Jamees grinned at his wife and sat down on the bed beside her, annoyingly looking into the pages of the book in her hands.

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missusprongs
2008-11-17 06:45 am UTC (link)

Lily narrowed her eyes at James, setting her book aside on the bed.

"You think she is too." The accusation came deadpan, but not angry. It was just... he was obviously trying to say something, bringing this up--not to mention that the awkwardness radiating off of him was palpable. That still begged the question as to why he would be awkward bringing up something about Alice, or why he was skirting around how he agreed with Frank. So what? Alice was sick, Frank thought she was pregnant.

Alice probably just had the fl---

Oh. Oh.

"You have got to be kidding me." Heavy annoyance and disbelief colored Lily's voice and she crossed her arms over her chest. That was just--this was ridiculous. He wasn't going to bring this up now, not when they were just fine getting on with their lives. He wasn't going to turn the flu into the baby they wanted, because they both knew that was an impossibility. "Christ, James, how can you even have the guts to let yourself suspect that?" It was more than obvious now that Lily was no longer talking about Frank and Alice.

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misterprongs
2008-11-17 06:58 am UTC (link)

James winced greatly, shoulders scrunching in as he listened to her biting words. It had been a very good decision to cross the room, and now he was not feeling guilty for it at all. Though he would probably be ending up on the couch tonight, at least all of his limbs would be intact.

"Well," he finally said, hand going up in a discussion sort of manner. As this tense conversation continued, James was finding himself more and more at ease. That seemed to be the case with him; whenever things got really bad, he worked the best. Good under pressure? Ha.

"Well, think about it," James now was looking straight at his wife, a faint grin slipping onto his face, "They've gone through the same shit as us, you know? They're aurors and--and they're going to be dealing with trouble on a more constant basis than us and...I mean..."

He shrugged, "Frank and I seem to have this thing where we end up in life-altering situations together." Why did he have this feeling that this time was now? Nothing had changed, there wasn't any sort of special circumstance that would make him think that this time there was actually a baby growing inside of Lily, but he was, and maybe it was to will it to be true, but---James liked this sense of hope and optimism. He sure as hell hadn't had a lot of it this past year.

James reached into his pocket and pulled out the potion, wincing once more in case Lily pulled out her wand and cursed him for suggesting.

"I dunno if it could hurt, not anymore."

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missusprongs
2008-11-17 07:16 am UTC (link)

He had gotten a potion. That moron of a husband of hers had actually gotten a potion. To see if she was pregnant. When they already knew they were never going to get pregnant because Voldemort had decided to take that away from them too.

This was unbelievable. He was unbelievable.

"How can you stand to sit here and say to me that you think we're going to have a baby?" she asked, somewhere between confused and angry. Maybe it was just a very strong mix of the two. "I couldn't even---how can you expect so much when you know there's a 99.9% chance that you're just going to get your hopes dashed again? How can you even deal with that?"

Oh, ugh--it was all coming back now. That night after they had gone to St. Mungo's to ask why they hadn't had any luck conceiving, and the sitting alone in their bedroom and helplessly wondering when they were ever going to catch a break. When were they going to be the ones that got to be happy for once? And what else was there left to be taken away before they couldn't take it anymore?

She wanted that baby so bad. She had made herself forget how much she wanted that baby---until now. Now it was back to haunt her, and all because Alice had to have the bloody sniffles.

Damn it all.

The silence between them was tense as Lily gripped the comforter with her hands. And then, she sighed.

"I'm going to knock you off the Astronomy Tower if that doesn't turn positive, Potter."

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misterprongs
2008-11-17 07:37 am UTC (link)

"Oy, can I bring my broomstick?"

James let out the breath he'd been holding and quickly came over to sit beside Lily, still wincing in fear of getting smacked as he handed over the vial. He was willing to take on the onslaught of charms and cursing and punches he was going to receive if she wasn't pregnant, but James knew it would drive him insane if he didn't bring it up. Because! Because, what if? What if! What if they wasted time thinking that they couldn't get pregnant, and then they go and do something stupid like try to save the world and something happens?

Ohhhh, no. No, no. James was not going to let anything happen to their miraculous might-not-even-be-conceived baby.

He looked at Lily, face close and eyes ducked low to catch her gaze, "You know I wouldn't do this if I didn't honestly think there was a chance." James grinned a mischievous grin and kissed her quickly before she could refuse (which was rather likely, at the moment), "I've got a feeling, Evans."

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missusprongs
2008-11-17 08:14 am UTC (link)

"Don't you know you're only making it worse for yourself by saying things like that?" Lily asked, resigned.

Maybe---maybe if she convinced herself this was going to be negative, it wouldn't hurt so much when it actually was. Mind over matter, or something like that.

Except when James talked like that, it made her believe that he was right. When he sounded so optimistic and sure, Lily could hardly help but to believe that he knew what he was talking about, even though she knew so much better than to trust him on this.

Seriously. He was getting pushed off the tower hard when this was over. She would need to take this out on someone.

Reaching out, she snatched the potion from his hand before she could think better of it, and walked into the bathroom, making sure to lock the door tightly. She was not going to freak out and not do this. That's the last thing she needed, was to freak out and not do this. Or well---maybe it was the first, she couldn't really think too straight right now.

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misterprongs
2008-11-17 08:24 am UTC (link)

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hell.

James watched the door as it shut, he watched it as it stood static and still, and he watched it as his mind began to swirl with ideas and radical thoughts.

What if she really was pregnant? Would they be able to handle it? The Prewetts had a baby in the middle of the war, they hadn't seemed too worried, though James knew they were. They handled it with grace. Lots of people were having babies. Babies everywhere, every other post in the journals was about babies, or finding out the sex of babies, or babies being born, or babies spitting up.

Okay, so he really hadn't stopped thinking about babies.

James really wanted to be a father. It was more than just being able to, it was the opportunity to raise a child and be that major influence in their life. As he grew up he realized that all the little things his parents did for him shaped who he was today, and he hadn't noticed until he had decided he wanted to be a father too. He wanted to give this world a child that would be good and smart and be fucking awesome at quidditch (and a Gryffindor, but that's for later--)

The clicking of the door snapped James out of his thoughts, and...yeah, no, he hadn't breathed since Lily disappeared back there.

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missusprongs
2008-11-17 08:45 am UTC (link)

She had almost dropped it.

She had almost dropped it.

The fragile vial in her hands, which was fizzing blue, which wasn't sitting stagnant and calm--WHICH WAS FIZZING BLUE--had almost been dropped and shattered on the stone bathroom floor. And then as she unlocked the door with a shaky hand, she almost dropped it again and oh my GOD she was going to be the worst mother in the world, she would drop her baby every five minutes if this was any indicator and--

She was going to be a mother. Holy shit.

This wasn't even possible. This wasn't supposed to be possible. They weren't supposed to get this, they never got the happy endings like this. She had to be seeing things because this couldn't be happening... Only Lily knew she wasn't seeing things at all. She'd taken so many of these tests during the months when they had still thought they could conceive, not even getting her hopes up near the end that it'd do anything but sit there all clear and still--she knew she wasn't seeing things. This was--

Oh hell, she was crying now, wasn't she? No, she couldn't cry, she had to say something--cute or---silly to James---or maybe tell him it was negative, just to get back at him for before. But now her words were stuck in her throat and as she stepped out of the bathroom, all she could do was hold up the stupid vial. And then, a split second later, she actually did drop it, the glass crashing to the floor at her feet and the liquid staining the rug a light blue.

Had he even seen it? Christ, christ, such a bad future mother she was going to make, really---my god, she was going to be a mother!

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misterprongs
2008-11-17 08:57 am UTC (link)

He was nearly blinded by the blue sparks that only lasted a second. James bounded up and off the bed toward Lily, knocking down a chair and kicking a shoe really far across the room, and he just need to touch her because that vial had turned blue and that meant that it was a boy and that meant that the Potters were going to have a baby.

The hollering James let out as he wrapped his arms around his wife sounded---he couldn't even---describe what kind of noise he was making. Hysterical happiness, relief, joy, confusion as to how this had happened (well he knew but he didn't know) and just---

No words, no words and James suddenly loosened his tight grip on Lily because baby. Baby, in her! Couldn't squish the baby, or--or--oh fuck, he knew better than that, but it was still remarkable and thrilling and great, just--great, just great and it was great and---and--

James pushed his palm against her abdomen and kissed Lily hard, and maybe he was crying too, but everything in the room was spinning with madness and joy, so he couldn't be sure if those were her tears on his cheeks or his own.

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