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OWL TO ALFRED.
Alf,

Let me just start off by saying that as soon as I saw the picture, I was speechless, as was the rest of my family (until my Da burst out laughing, in the nicest way possible of course). Baby blue is definitely your color. I did swoon, after the initial shock wore off. That is a very swoon-worthy outfit you have there. MAKE IT COUNT, ALFREDO, MAKE IT COUNT.

Well they better be gorgeous. Your mum had a right to be worried. Paris was pretty in all, but the country's in shambles, what with the war and all. People trying to sell everything they can for a small loaf of bread. It's sad, mate. Makes me want to do something about it.

BUT YOU BETTER HAVE CRIED. I did. Touring the eiffel tower, I thought of you. I thought, 'Oh, how I wish my dear friend Alfred were here right now with me, seeing the lovely sights.' and a single tear rolled down my cheek. Because I am a thoughtful friend, you know. AND I CARE, UNLIKE YOU, OBVIOUSLY.

Sincerely,
Olive E. Hornby

P.S. I used my full name because I am mad at you!