Still envious.
He doesn't really share his feelings unless he is angry with me so I don't know what he is thinking. He says it's love but he has never felt it before so what if it's not. What if its just infatuation that he is feeling because someone cares for him for who he is and not the position he has. I'm scared that he will just leave, go to someone else, I won't be needed anymore. I don't know if I could handle it if I lost him, even as a friend. Can something born from hate last forever? I can't even tell him how I feel because he would just laugh and you know, I know what he is like and I will be there no matter what little problem he has. I just wish I knew what he really felt. If he does feel insecure around me. It could be true what he is feeling but I want to know what he feels in return, because isn't that what it is all about? Mutual trust. I want to be there for him and at times, I don't know how to be.
... So now lets talk about blowjobs again.
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