He sighs. "Obviously that was flawed, yes. I don't know what came over me, just... seemed like the right thing to do. But ok, let's put that aside and answer the question... its complicated. Why do you do all the extra studying? Put in the time reading and preparing for a demanding job that doesn't pay much, and has a lot of difficulties, like attending funerals, comforting people on death's door, helping counsel families through difficulties? You could be happier, right now, going to the mall, partying, going out with friends. And its something I've struggled with, because I always thought fast dates, hanging with the girls in short skirts, driving fast cars and drinking myself stupid made me happy... and they do. Its quick, its easy, it doesn't require anything of me... and I'm good at that. I fall back on easy like a champion. But there's no fulfillment, it'll just lead to more of the same until I do something even dumber than usual and, if I'm lucky, spend my life in prison or kill myself. You're the only person who ever really believed there was any other options for me. Most of the time, I don't believe it, and I love you more than I have words for. You're everything I really, truly want, and I want so badly to be the guy who deserves you - but I have a tough time seeing that guy in me, and I'm not very good at doing the right thing when its hard. You're a lot stronger than I am."
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