From: porcelinaofvast	Date: June 3rd, 2011 06:56 pm (UTC)		(Link)

Tatum was content just to hold the older girl, curled into her back and with her face kept close. She could faintly hear the blonde's heartbeat through her back, and it was lulling her into her own relaxation. When Mack turned over to her, the redhead only tensed briefly, as if she expected the other girl to shove her tongue down her throat without a single warning. When she just snuggled in instead, Tatum relaxed all over again, and scooted around a bit to get more comfortable. It was okay, the blanket was still between them. They just needed to hold each other, it wasn't such a bad thing, was it?

She smiled faintly when Mackenzie admitted to missing her, closing her eyes a bit as her chin rested onto the blonde's head. "What are you so scared of?" she whispered, not opening her eyes. It was a genuine question, although she had a feeling she knew the answers. She hadn't asked what Frankie said to her friend, almost didn't want to know. She knew that Frankie could get particularly cruel verbally when you got onto her bad side. It was just one of her few flaws.

"What did she say to you?" she continued, deciding after a very brief consideration that perhaps it would be better to know, to just get it out in the open. Whatever it had been, it had clearly really riled the blonde up. Tatum knew Mack didn't need much incentive to get into a fist fight, and that wasn't the part that had surprised it once the dust settled. It was the vulnerability that the older Sonnier was exposing now. Whatever it was that Frankie had said, it had shaken her friend's foundation, and that was sort of scary to see.

She didn't suppose she could take credit for every tear Mack was crying right now, whatever was going on with her family had to be part of it, but a good portion of the responsibility for the break down did fall into Tatum's lap. She couldn't bother to deny that, and it hurt. She felt guilty in a way that she hadn't felt since Valentine's Day, which she also still sort of blamed herself, even though Frankie had admitted it hadn't been her fault. Why did she hurt every girl that came around her? No wonder she had been single for so long.

The redhead tilted her face a bit, lips pressing briefly against the top of the blonde's head. "I don't want to-- I can't think about that," she murmured. She felt a little stoned, and slightly dizzy. It made the word vomit harder to control. "You're my b-best friend, like I can't.. it's pulling me apart, you know? But I can't just not-- you guys aren't ever going to like, like each other.. and I can't keep everybody happy."

She shifted uncomfortably, loosening her arms a bit and tilted her head back some against the mattress. "I miss when everything was just like, gravy and nobody cared.. like why can't everyone get along? Is that like, a totally hippie stupid thing to ask for? I bet Apple agrees with me.. I just wanna like, smoke and chill. I can't take all this fighting. Especially not between my girls."

	From: notonyourteam	Date: June 3rd, 2011 09:04 pm (UTC)		(Link)

Mackenzie was relieved when she felt Tatum relax and get comfortable in her arms, she was afraid that the redhead would actually tell her to turn back around. She wasn’t sure she could handle that kind of rejection right then, although she supposed she would have had to deal with it for Tatum’s sake. Letting out a small sigh of contentment, she listened to the redhead’s heart beating. It was soothing, even if she could hear the girls heart speed up a little before she spoke. Tatum was always so nervous, even if she had relaxed around the blonde immensely since they first met. Mackenzie sometimes wished that she could just be enough to make the girls anxiety go away, it was a stupid thought she sometimes had in her day dreams.

She bit her lip, what was she so scared of? Sure there was the obvious abandonment issues she struggled with, any kid with a rocky home life probably had those though. Sure she had daddy issues, but Tatum had lost her mother to actual death. Her father was just some dead beat who couldn’t grow up when it came to his family, and while it hurt, Mackenzie should have gotten over it by now right?

“I guess I’m scared of you,” She stated slowly, absentmindedly messing with the back of Tatum’s shirt. She didn’t even notice that she had started drawing tiny circles on the girls back, it was a nervous habit to do something with her hands, and it just seemed like such a natural thing to do. “Not in a bad way!” She reassured the redhead, because she knew that Tatum would probably start obsessing over it the second the words left her mouth. “Like, in a terrifyingly good way. I…You…you make me feel so many different things, it scares the hell out of me. I really care about you, and like, that doesn’t happen for me very often. I don’t let anyone close, not even my own mother. And then there you were, and I decided in about less than a second when I found you that I couldn’t stand to see you that sad.”

Mackenzie took a deep breath, she had no idea to express to Tatum exactly what was going on in her head. She usually shoved these feelings into the back of her mind so she wouldn’t have to deal with them, and now she was trying to voice them to another person. She couldn’t even really tell the things she was trying to say to herself.

“Like, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I don’t exactly hang out with a ton of different people. I’m pretty sure that Kia was my best friend growing up, and that wasn’t exactly like, having a sister for a best friend, you know? She was like, my mom basically. Shit was kinda weird. And then I met Abigail and like, she was the first real friend I had, but that didn‘t work out.” She burrowed her face deeper into Tatum’s shoulder, she wasn’t even sure if she had ever talked to anyone about Abigail before. It felt weird, like it was a completely different life time. “Then I came here, and met you and Hunter and it was like, this is what things are supposed to be like. I finally fit in some in some kind of weird, messed up puzzle that was exactly where I wanted to be. It didn’t matter if the puzzle was like, retarded or what ever, because it felt like home, right?” She wasn’t going to cry again, there was no way in hell. Especially talking about shit like this, these were things she hadn’t even told Kia. She didn’t want anyone to know how much she had felt like a social anomaly before going to CCI.

“I’m scared because you make me feel so incredibly safe, and wanted, and it doesn’t matter what an idiot I am or how much I fuck things up because you’ll always want me anyway. You like me for my flaws and my good qualities and everything in between and it doesn’t matter if I wont sleep with you because like, you still want me around.” She swallowed thickly, taking a deep breath to calm her nerves. “Not that I don’t want to sleep with you, because I do. But for once, it doesn’t matter to me if I get to or not. Because just making you smile is enough. I stopped messing around with other girls recently because I’d rather have the time I spent seducing them to hang out with you.”

	From: notonyourteam	Date: June 3rd, 2011 09:05 pm (UTC)		(Link)

She could hear the little voice that sounded suspiciously like Hunter in her head telling her to stop being such a fag. It really was some cheesy shit out of a Saturday morning special, the player finds the one and then spends the rest of the story line changing their ways to get the girl. She knew that Tatum didn’t really approve of the way she used women and they used her, but she genuinely just enjoyed spending time with the redhead. It had nothing to do with getting with her redheaded friend, it just made her happier in the end.

“I know it sounds really stupid and cheesy, but it‘s true.” she laughed, she was blushing slightly. She felt really silly for being so sentimental, it was just so cliché. She couldn’t help it however, she just felt that way. Frankie, knowingly or unknowingly, had struck this incredibly fragile place for the blonde. She really didn’t want to tell Tatum that Frankie had hurt her so badly with just a few well place words. It meant that she had to admit that she was human, and had feelings just like everyone else.

“Frankie…she said a lot of things.” Mackenzie grumbled quietly, she knew that there was going to be no getting around telling Tatum at this point. So she took another deep breath and prepared to peal off yet another layer of emotional trauma for the redhead. “I guess what,” She paused, trying to get over herself and just say it. “Hurt the most, was when she told me that I was pathetic for hanging around you all the time when you only hung out with me because you felt sorry for me.” She clenched her teeth, and unconsciously tightened her hold on the redhead. She had hated how that stupid girl had made her feel like a useless waste of space that people only pitied. She couldn’t stand feeling like that. “Do you know how mad that made me? How much it made me doubt everything that I had become so comfortable with? I wasn’t just scared of loosing you but it made me worry that maybe you did only hang out with me because I was pathetic. Like, maybe tagging around with you like a lost puppy made you think that I was desperate for friends or something. I don’t know, she just hit me where it hurt. She emotionally shut me down, I just couldn’t handle it. People can say what they want, they can call me a slut, or a bitch, and I’ll just laugh in their faces. I don’t know if she knew it or not but Frankie pretty much busted right into my most secret fears and messed with them. That’s why I lost it so bad, I was terrified.”

She trailed off after that, not really knowing what else to say. She had pretty much laid everything out on the line for her friend. That was the most honest she had been with anyone about who she was. She was slightly in shock, there was no way to take any of it back now. Tatum could do with it what she wanted, but Mackenzie trusted Tatum to not make a fool out of her. She felt her anxiety melt away a little when Tatum kissed her head, whether Tatum knew it or not, it was the perfect reassurance for Mackenzie. It was a sign of acceptance, even after everything the blonde had told her.

“Yeah, you silly hippy, gosh!“ She teased in response to Tatum’s question, trying to lighten the mood a bit. She felt kind of bad after Tatum’s confession of how she wished everything could just be gravy. It certainly wasn‘t Tatum‘s fault that her and Frankie were fighting over her. “Tatum, in all honesty, it’s not your job to make us all happy. Frankie and I should be the ones trying to keep you happy if anything. You’re an innocent bystander in all of this. It’s really up to us to pretend to get along for your sake, because if we both care about you so much we shouldn’t demand that you choose. We should both want you to be happy, and leave all the deciding up to you. We’re just both selfish and don’t want to share such a good thing I guess.”

	From: porcelinaofvast	Date: June 3rd, 2011 10:19 pm (UTC)		(Link)

Tatum tried desperately not to shiver when Mackenzie's fingers tickled over her back, tracing patterns and making the redhaired girl inhale sharply just once. "Scared of me?" she echoed, trying to distract herself from the feeling of the blonde drawing those little circles. She considered asking her to stop, but couldn't bring herself to bother. Mack was always doing this kind of stupid stuff to her, when they were laying around watching movies, or just hanging out. They joked around, sat over each other. Physical contact usually wasn't her thing, but with friends was different. With Mackenzie was different. She was just a physical person. It hadn't bothered her before, why was she letting this freak her out so bad?

She listened closely as Mack explained, keeping her chin resting on the blonde's head, and smiling faintly as she went on. So much of what the older girl was saying, Tatum could relate to entirely. She wouldn't lie and say that she didn't spend the first two months of her friendship with Mackenzie wondering when the other kids would jump out, and it would all just be some big joke on her. Like Carrie or Cruel Intentions or some shit. She was pleasantly surprised when it never did happen, but it had definitely crossed her mind. Mackenzie made her feel all kinds of things, everything from affection and loyalty to worry. And lately, stress.

"Shut up," the redhead urged gently, sighing lightly as she gave Mack a weak little squeeze in her arms. "You think I hang out with a ton of people? Other than like, you and Frankie.. I have Sunny and Rowan, and all of the guys but like.. no one knows me like you. I can't like-- I don't know. I was so scared when I got here, and I didn't have Rath, and I always had Rath, and then you were just.. there. I mean like, I.. met other people, I have other friends, but you're my best friend. You like, know too many of my secrets to let you go," Tatum continued, turning her head so her cheek was resting on Mack's head instead. "Why would I want you to like, leave?"

Except that it was only a week ago that she had pushed her away, less than that since she had sworn to never speak to her again. Yet again, she felt incredibly cruel and selfish for that. How did she deserve to be Mack's best friend after everything she had done? She listened as the blonde mentioned her old friend, and Tatum tensed again. Mack almost never mentioned what life had been like at Salem, and Tatum didn't really push her. All she had ever cared about was that Mack had come to CCI. Whatever had went down at her old school was her business, but now she was wondering if it was the time to ask questions.

"What happened to Abigail?" she tried, regretting it almost as soon as she said it. "You don't have to tell me," she quickly added. "I don't know what it didn't work out, but I would-- I just want you around. I won't leave you behind, okay? Cause like.. that's not cool. I'm not like that. I'm not gunna be like that to you, cause like.. you know, like, you make me feel safe too.. and wanted. And we can't like-- we can't do that, this stuff, all of the time," she whispered, giving Mack another little squeeze. Why did it hurt so bad to say that? What was happening to her? This whole week had just skewed and destroyed her perception of her world and the people in it.

She laughed a little when Mack said she would sleep with her, and she knew her heart was pounding, her cheeks lighting up with color despite herself. "I'm sorry that I can't like.. be one of your conquests," she joked softly, pressing another kiss to the blonde's head, just above her ear this time. She had missed her so much. It didn't mean anything, right? She just wanted her best friend back. "I can smile all you want though, just.. be more chill. You need to do some yoga with me and Apple, like.. find your inner peace and shit," the redhead added.

She was honestly flattered that Mack would give up flirting time for her, and she felt her stomach do a little flip. She knew how much the blonde valued her time with the ladies, and the fact that she would give up any time doing that to spend it with her instead.. well, it really said something.

	From: porcelinaofvast	Date: June 3rd, 2011 10:21 pm (UTC)		(Link)

Time was money, especially with the women Mack tried to wine and dine. It was no different than Tatum just flushing an ounce of weed down the toilet or something. She had never seen Mack this caught up about a girl. She didn't approve of the blonde's love-em-and-leave-em approach, but at least that was routine. Mack's emotional side was much more unsettling, and harder to shrug off. The fact that she was the girl made it even more absurd, even harder to ignore.

Harder to ignore how warm the other girl's body was, how soft her hair was, her nimble fingers still tickling her back, or how she smelled like cigarettes covered up with a fine spritz of Old Spice. Tatum was always telling her that she smelled exactly like her grandpa, and the thought made her smile slowly again. "It's not stupid though," Tatum added eventually, wanting to make it clear. She didn't think anything that Mack said was stupid really, unless it truly was stupid. But when her friend was baring her soul to her like that, she didn't find it the slightest bit stupid. Mostly just heartbreaking.

Tatum still wasn't entirely sure she was ready to hear what Frankie had said, but she braced herself anyway, letting Mack tell her side of the story and explain everything. She felt bad for waiting so long before sitting down to listen to it. She had just been in such a blind rage, and then when she and Frankie fought about it, her panic had been unleashed and she was powerless to do anything but overreact. What she had done had been stupid, and although Mackenzie seemed determined to take the blame, Tatum didn't buy it. If she had just stayed away from the two of them, neither of the two girls would be upset right now.

She felt the hold tighten, and she frowned a little. "You're not pathetic," she corrected her quickly, not a moment hesitation on that one. She scooted away from Mackenzie and broke their embrace, just so she could pull back and look at the blonde seriously. Her heart was in her throat, but she tried to speak with confidence and reassure her. She had to be the strong one. "I used to think that same shit.. ironically. I thought like-- I thought one day, you'd just give up. Or Hunter would like, jump out of a classroom with a camera and you'd just.. laugh at me or something. I don't know what you see in hanging out with me.. like, besides the comic books and when I burn episodes of Glee for you," she replied, an embarrassed little smile crossing her face. "You're not pathetic, but I am and I thought like.. you'd be so sick of me by now. I never thought you'd wanna stick with me.. especially after everything, like I was like, your charity case. That's what people think, I think but.. haters gunna hate, right?"

The younger girl lifted a hand, letting it rest across Mackenzie's cheek briefly, giving it a gentle pinch. "She shouldn't have.. said any of that. I think she's like-- jealous? I don't think she knows what it's like to be jealous, she just.. it's like she's shutting down on me," the redhead whispered, trying to explain. She trailed off as well, unsure if she wanted to go on. Would Mack want to hear about them? Would Frankie kill her for talking about her to Mack? Hell, that was beyond the point. If Frankie knew she was in here snuggling up with the blonde, as much as it was between friends for her, she knew the brunette would go off. She'd probably hex her into next month, all parle français.

"She said she doesn't know if she loves me enough to put up with this," she admitted finally, needing to get it out. She hadn't told anyone, just held it up instead, burning away at her. The words had been like a slap across the face, and she knew that had been the only reason she had reacted so horribly, but she still felt terrible. Her girlfriend didn't know if she loved her, and she had offered to give up her best friend to try to fix it. What kind of person was she?

	From: porcelinaofvast	Date: June 3rd, 2011 10:22 pm (UTC)		(Link)

Despite herself, Tatum cracked a smile when Mack called her a hippie. It helped her to hold back the tears that she had been feeling build up, threatening to spill over. She sniffed a little, giving the blonde a light shove, though she barely moved. "It's my job to make you guys happy, I shouldn't like.. take you for granted. You guys are like.. hard to please though.. you less than her, but I know you're just trying to make me happy. You'd be pleased as a pig in shit if I broke up with her tomorrow, no matter what you say," Tatum challenged, her weak smile fading away. "But I can't I just.. I need her so bad. Why doesn't she love me?"

That was it then, as she felt one tear slipping down her cheek. She wiped it away on the nearest pillow, she tried another weak smile. "Sorry, that's stupid. I'm stupid."

	From: notonyourteam	Date: June 3rd, 2011 11:45 pm (UTC)		(Link)

“Because everyone always ends up leaving in the end,” She admitted quietly in response to Tatum’s question to why she’d want the blonde to leave. It killed her to have to admit it to her friend, everyone she ever cared about had abandoned her when the going got tough. Her father, her mother, Abigail, Kia had been the only one to stick with her in the past and she mostly assumed that was because she had to. They were siblings and therefore in Mackenzie’s mind, we required to stick together. Of course, her parents were supposed to do that too but that didn’t work out. “It’s happened way too much for me to try to care about most people. I’m afraid if I really do care about them, I’ll loose them because, well, that’s always what happens to me.” She shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal, she didn’t really feel like she was entitled to use it as an excuse for feeling bad about stuff.

Hearing those words from Tatum made her tear up all over again, she felt so safe in the redhead’s arms and in the sincerity of Tatum’s voice that she knew the redhead wouldn’t abandon her. Although the next few words out of the other girls mouth broke her heart all over again, even though she knew that they were coming the whole time. As intimate as their friendship was, there was just no hiding that there might have been something more than friendship. If Frankie were to ever catch wind of this kind of thing, Mackenzie knew the French girl would loose her head. And Mackenzie wouldn’t blame her, she knew that if Tatum was hers then she wouldn’t want anyone else having this kind of contact with her. But that didn’t stop the blonde from wanting it, or getting it when she needed it.

She was a bit surprised when Tatum pressed her on the subject of Abigail, usually Tatum would just leave it be, but she felt like she might as well tell her. It would be the last piece of the puzzle to fit everything into place for the redhead, she had told her everything else about her insecurities.

“I don’t mind telling you, it’s probably about time I told someone besides Kia.” She had to let it go, really, it had been a few years and she couldn’t keep dwelling on it like she did. “Abigail was like, my first everything. We both played Quidditch on the team at Salem and she kind of took me under her wing. She helped me get confident with my self and taught me how to be outgoing. She was there when I started figuring out my sexuality, and well, she was my first girlfriend.” She was kind of crying again, as much as she had promised herself she wouldn’t. But at least she wasn’t sobbing this time, just a light trickle down her face. “She was the first girl I ever loved, and the first girl I ever slept with. She taught me everything, she was like, the love that I never got at home. She was so sweet and gentle.”

	From: notonyourteam	Date: June 3rd, 2011 11:47 pm (UTC)		(Link)

She sighed, and buried her face deeper into Tatum, slightly surprised that it was possible at that point. She was pressed so tightly to the redhead that she was pretty sure the only way they could be closer was if they were naked. “My mom caught us over break one day, um…going at it in my room. I didn’t know she was coming home early. She like, freaked out and dragged Abi out of there by her hair. It was so fucked up. She called the school and told them I wouldn’t be back from break. I told Abigail later that I would just go live with my dad, he didn’t care either way. Then we could just like, you know, go to school together and not have to worry. But I guess some things are just too much for some people. She broke it off saying that she loved me but there were a lot of things that were just going to tear us apart in the end. She said she knew there would be a girl out there who would stick around to deal with it instead of running away, but that just wasn’t her. I couldn’t really blame her I guess, the whole thing was super messed up. My mom was threatening to tell the school she like, took advantage of me or something.”

Mackenzie wanted to tell Tatum that she didn’t want the redhead to be a conquest but something real, something more. She held her tongue however, she didn’t want to tread into that territory right now. It was too risky, things could still blow up in her face and then they’d be back to square one again. Besides, Tatum had made it pretty clear that she just wanted to be friends, it would be inappropriate for her to continue pushing the subject. The kiss above her ear was nice however, and it did make the ache in her heart lessen slightly.

She made a small noise of protest as the redhead broke their embrace but was immediately awestruck when she looked into the other girls eyes. The love and sincerity that was pouring out of them was almost too much for the blonde, but she wouldn’t break the gaze. She listened to Tatum speak with rapt attention, blushing as the girl reached out and pinched her cheek. She couldn’t believe that Tatum would think that, but she couldn’t exactly blame her. She knew how the girl felt, the uncertainty and insecurity about if people were using you or not.

“Babe, you’re not pathetic either.” The pet name had just slipped out, she wished she could have taken it back. It wasn’t a term that friends in their situation could throw around lightly. But it had happened, and they could only move forward. “I could never get tired of you, you’re like my numero uno! I love, everything about you. I wouldn’t change a single thing. You just, get me and I get you. I’ll happily beat up the haters though, ass holes.” She smiled at the redhead, poking her gently in the abdomen. “You’re perfect just the way you are Tatum Donnelly. I won’t ever get enough of you.”

She felt her blind rage flare up as the girl talked about Frankie, how could she ever say anything like that to the redhead? Mackenzie unconsciously let out a low growl, switching into her protective mode as she saw the tear fall down Tatum’s face. She pulled the girl back to her, snuggling up to the redhead, this time resting her chin on the girls head. She drew the blanket around them and gave Tatum a comforting squeeze.

“One,” She started, squeezing the girl lightly for emphasis again. “I would be the happiest woman alive if you broke up with Frankie tomorrow, but I don’t want you to feel like you should because I said that. I would probably be terribly torn between comforting you, ripping her head off and trying to jump your bones.” She laughed lightly, “Although I’m totally kind of kidding about the last part. Kind of. And two, that is a horrible thing to say to anyone. Especially you, I might have to go punch her face again.” She was only kind of kidding about that one too, she wanted to go find the stupid French girl and wail on her until she took back what she said. She had seen the hurt across Tatum’s face when she admitted it to Mackenzie. No one hurt her redhead like that.

	From: notonyourteam	Date: June 3rd, 2011 11:47 pm (UTC)		(Link)

“Tatum, as much as it kills me to say this, Frankie does love you. Otherwise she wouldn’t be as upset about what I said to her, I wouldn’t have been able to provoke her so easily. Love messes you up like that.” She sighed, nuzzling the redhead. “Trust me, I know.”

“You need her like I need you,” She stated simply, it only hurt her slightly to admit it. “And before you start reassuring me that you need me too, don’t. I know you do Tatum but I know what our relationship is, and I understand. Love isn’t easy, but she does love you okay? And she’s a dumb bitch if she doesn’t. Like, seriously, the stupidest person in the world to not love you. Because like, trust me, what’s not to love?”

	From: porcelinaofvast	Date: June 4th, 2011 04:24 am (UTC)		(Link)

"Hey, I'll never leave you," Tatum insisted quickly, ignoring the twisting in her chest as she said the words. How she had come to making that a lie, if only she had more will power than this. If she had really been dedicated, she could have put the blonde off a lot longer, but she was glad she hadn't. It was hard to hear these things, but it was good to know them. "I'm not like other people, if you hadn't noticed?" she suggested quietly, snuggling in more comfortably as Mack began her story about Abigail.

She wasn't sure what she had been expecting, but that hadn't been it, and by the time that older girl had finished telling it, Tatum's lower lip was trembling like mad. It was clear she wasn't cut out to be the strong one, and this only proved it. Hearing all of that left her with a torrent of new worries, the least of which was not the fact that she lived every day in fear of the same thing. Stories like those were exactly why she had never told her parents so much as a word about her sexuality. Let Sera be the open one, get her girlfriend dragged out of the house by her hair, Tatum wasn't going there.

Tatum would rather live any number of her days in secrecy, if that was what it took to avoid situations like those. She loved her parents desperately, and to be put in a position like that.. she couldn't even imagine. It wasn't exactly warming her opinion of Mackenzie's mother, although she felt immediately bad for having such ill thoughts about a woman who had a husband in the hospital. It was sort of rude. But what she had just heard was also unimaginably cruel.

"T-That's awful," she managed, unsure how else to even express what she was thinking. "She was your f-first," she added quietly, finding that was something else she could relate to. First loves were never an easy thing to work with. "I get that," the redhead sighed. She didn't want to speak against Abigail, a girl she didn't know, didn't even really know a thing about until tonight. But her mind was full of choice words. When had she gotten to protective of everyone? Of Frankie, of Mack.. she just couldn't seem to make up her mind. But then again, that was most of the problem now.

There was no sense in denying it. Looking into her eyes, smiling at her, even in the darkness. She loved Frankie, loved her desperately, but could it be so wild to love Mackenzie? She had always been there for her, and she really did say the nicest things.. when she wasn't being disgusting, she was just perfect. Almost perfect except for the fact that whenever Tatum thought about Frankie, her stomach twisted painfully in guilt again. Frankie said mean things, but she still loved her, still wanted to make it work with her. Didn't she? Just yesterday, she was sure she would have laid down her life for the brunette. Today was the same, but would she do it if it meant she had to get up out of this bed right now? Break this embrace, take away the calming thump of her friend's heart? She honestly wasn't sure.

"I am pathetic," she decided, trying not to give any reaction to the nickname, though it did cause the briefest skip in her pulse. No one would hear them, it was just them, hushed voices in the darkness. They could get away with it, just for tonight. When they needed it. "But you're like, my numero uno, too. I didn't know what to do without you, it was like.. Teagan was being cute and I was going to text you, then I was like.. oh wait, I can't.. and then I went to McD's, and you couldn't come, and I was like-- so fucking bored," she explained, trailing off and biting her lip slightly as Mackenzie lightly prodded her, making her squirm a bit.

"We're just bros for life. We just like.. get shit, right?" she whispered, lifting her eyes again to meet Mack's briefly before looking away. She reached out cautiously, seeking the blonde's nearest hands, tangling their fingers awkwardly together. "You're full of shit though, you'd totally get sick of me.. what if I like, start being really clingy? You hate clingy bitches," she joked.

	From: porcelinaofvast	Date: June 4th, 2011 04:25 am (UTC)		(Link)

When Mack pulled her into the fierce hug, holding her tightly against the blonde's body, Tatum only made a brief squeak of surprise before settling in. She almost protested the blanket, thinking only of how it would look in the morning, but gave up any fight she had left. Like laying outside of the blanket, cheek to cheek, holding hands was any better. If she was going to do the time, she might as well have done the crime. Her eyes closed, face resting under her friend's chin, listening to her heartbeat more steadily now. Each squeeze of her body made her crack a little smile, just a touch wider each time.

She laughed when Mack did, lifting her head long enough to open up and roll her eyes. "Jump my bones? Did you really just say that?" the redhead asked, eyebrows knitted together in mock confusion. When Mack suggested punching Frankie again, Tatum's face immediately switched to panic more, her eyebrows raising and furrowing higher on her forehead. "No!" she protested, squeezing the hand that she held, and reaching out to grab her side with her free hand, as if that would hold her in place if Mackenzie really decided to try to get away from her. "She was just-- I know she does, she must, like we.. it's been so long and I.. I mean, it was my fault I.."

Trailing off from her ramble, the red haired girl bit her lip, face burying under Mack's chin again. "I told her that we kissed. That's why she-- was saying things like that.. I should never h-have said anything, I just wanted to.. be honest, you know? I should have fucking k-known better."

	From: notonyourteam	Date: June 4th, 2011 05:31 am (UTC)		(Link)

“You’re definitely different then everyone else,” She mumbled, smiling softly to herself. The girl was certainly something different, in the best way possible. She didn’t that anyone except for maybe Kia had been able to break past her defenses this much without getting a fist to the face. “You’re amazing Tat, I trust you.” She wanted to say more but she decided just to leave it at that, Tatum knew her well enough to know how much her trust was worth.

She could sense that the redhead had been upset by her story, hell she was still kind of upset about it. It was in the past however, and despite her mother’s blatant disapproval of her sexuality, she still treated Mackenzie as he daughter. Or at least as much as she had before the whole incident. Kate had never really talked about it again, choosing to act like it had never happened. “Are you okay?” she asked quietly, not really sure what part of the story had upset Tatum. “It was really awful at the time, I wont deny that. But it wasn’t the end of the world either. Sure Abi was my first, but that didn’t mean she’d be my only love. I still love Abi dearly, we even talk from time to time, but we’ve both grown up so much since then. We’re different people now, and I’m glad I had my time with her, you know? There are so many things I have to thank her for.”

“Kate….is just Kate,” Mackenzie shrugged, she wasn’t sure why she was defending her mother. She had been awful at the time, she still was to the blonde sometimes. But it wasn’t like Mackenzie had tried to make an effort to help her mother understand, she jut made and effort to get under the woman’s skin. “One day, maybe, we’ll talk about it. And things will get sorted out, but I don’t think that time is now.”

Mackenzie let out a small laugh as Tatum rambled on about how much they had missed out on in the last few days. Cute cat pictures and runs to Mickey Dee’s? They were the insignificant things she loved about the girl, they were just so purely them. “I’m just entertainment for you?” She asked in mock disbelief. She knew what Tatum meant, she had been tearing her nails out at Hunter’s all week. While she did have a good time with the blonde, she just wasn’t Tatum.

As Tatum tangled their fingers together and declared their bro status, Mack could almost hear Hunter’s voice in her head again, saying something crude about Mack being jerked around. Things like this always made her unsure about how the redhead actually felt. There were times when she was almost positive that Tatum felt the same, that she understood how much Mack truly loved her. Then there were times like these, when she so firmly and blatantly cock blocked the blonde. She was driving herself crazy trying to read the girl, Hunter always asked her why she didn’t just make a move. The reason was that she could never figure out if she should or not.

“I so wouldn’t get tired of you,” she shot back, squeezing Tatum’s hand. She knew she always pissed and moaned about clingy bitches, but once again, Tatum was the only exception to her firm rule about the clingy ones. She actually liked it when Tatum did it, it made her feel important. “I haven’t yet have I? I was serious when I said I didn’t know what to do without you this past week. I just sat there on Hunter’s floor and listened to my Ipod, barely moved at all.

“Yeah, jump your bones. Have you looked in a mirror lately Tot? You’re sexy as hell,” She just smiled, trying to resist the urge to wink coyly at the redhead. Instead she just kept her expression as neutral as possible, her smile turning into a small frown as Tatum grabbed her side. Maybe she should get anger management or something. “I was kidding Tat, don’t worry.” She squeezed the girls hand and planted a light kiss on her forehead. “I won’t lay a finger on that girl ever again, unless given express permission from you of course.”

	From: notonyourteam	Date: June 4th, 2011 05:33 am (UTC)		(Link)

She just pulled the redhead a little closer to her and played with the ends of her hair. Tatum was a good person, trying to be honest with her girl like that. Mack had always been hones if the situation called for it but she couldn’t say she had never lied to get a girl in bed. Sometimes she wondered if maybe it was totally wrong of her to want to be with Tatum. She felt like the girl deserved better sometimes. “That was really honorable of you to do Tatum. You’re probably the best person at this school because of that.”

She really wanted to ask Tatum about the kiss, but she didn’t know how. What exactly was she supposed to ask anyway? How did it feel? Did I have garlic breath? How was she supposed to even breach the topic? Unless of course, she kissed her again.

	From: porcelinaofvast	Date: June 4th, 2011 12:56 pm (UTC)		(Link)

"You can always trust me," Tatum assured her quietly, wanting to just leave it at that. Whatever momentarily lapse she had experienced in judgement, it was over now. She couldn't leave Mackenzie, she had tried and it was far too hard. There just wasn't any way that she could pull it off. The blonde's emotional admissions weren't helping either. Her heart felt like it had a constant skip in it, jumping in her chest every time Mack said something particularly sweet, or even brushed up against her.

She managed a little sniffle, reaching up one hand to rub her eyes absently, cracking a weak little smile. "I'm fine, it just-- it's kind of stupid, but that's like, you pretty much just looked inside of me right now and f-found this thing, I'm l-like.. most scared of. T-That's exactly the kind of shit I'm so s-scared of. I can't even look my own parents in the e-eye anymore, and I just.. I don't know. Frankie thinks I should tell them. I think she was mad that I d-didn't and now she like.. doesn't e-even care, she's just so over it, and I like wasted m-my chance to tell them cause I was just scared," Tatum explained, trailing off to wipe her eyes again as they were already swelling up with tears all over again.

"L-Like parents are supposed to love you unconditionally, right? But like, they can only t-take so much. I'm a-already a shitty student beside Sera, so n-n-now I'll be stupid and gay!" she managed, squeezing Mackenzie's hand tightly as she spoke. She tilted her head back a bit, hoping the tears would just go away, wouldn't actually slide down her face. She never really talked to anyone, outside of Sera, about the fears she had so associated with their parents. Loving and generally accepting as they were, they were pretty traditional and serious people. There was no way Tatum could even imagine how to word her coming out, let alone actually go through with it.

What did she say? What did she do? And even once she figured all of that technical bullshit out, even if it was perfect, what if they flipped? She didn't think she could handle seeing Frankie, or any other girl she cared about, dragged out of her house. She was pretty sure it would kill her; Mack was even stronger than she had realized to have dealt with that. Tatum was sure she would just shut down, possibly die alone for fear of ever dating again.

"She still t-talks to you though. Right? She doesn't t-totally.. hate you, I mean. I think my dad would. I think h-he'd definitely hate me," she muttered, her face pressing into Mack's sweater, burying against it softly. She was getting a few tears on it, but she didn't think the blonde would mind. The sweater smelled even more like Old Spice, and that amused her, making her crack a smile despite herself. Even with emotional topics on the table, she was so glad to be back with her best friend, talking to her, being beside her, just being around her. "You're very entertaining. I won't like.. be bored anymore. I still like.. have that whole series box-set of Buffy that Rath got me for our birthday. We never watched that yet," she suggested, still managing a little smile. "Sarah Michelle Gellar really gets her sexy on in that show, like.. goddamn."

	From: porcelinaofvast	Date: June 4th, 2011 12:57 pm (UTC)		(Link)

When Mackenzie spoke again, it broke the humorous mood Tatum had been trying to bring them back to, and she felt that tense feeling in her chest again, the butterflies in her stomach. She almost wanted to punch herself in the gut to make them stop. "S-Sexy? Uhm, I don't.. is that a new synonym for painfully awkward?" she asked. Had Mack really been the same as her? Locked away in the same place, just moping around? She had never seen Mackenzie caught up over a girl, and still the idea seemed to foreign to her. She didn't get why. She had no doubt the blonde would get tired of her bullshit eventually, but it was nice of her to try not to. Everyone did eventually. Frankie did, and Mack was just a matter of time.

"I'm glad you won't t-though.. beat her up, I mean.. cause like, I don't know if I could t-take you down like that again," the redhead admitted, cheeks flushing a bit in the darkness as she lifted her head to look at Mack. "That was a total fluke, you let me get you down," she added, corners of her mouth twitching slightly as Mack toyed with the ends of her hair. She tilted her head a bit, cheek brushing up against the older girl's fingers. "I'm not a good person. If I was a good person, then I wouldn't like.. have had anything to come clean about," she murmured.

"Definitely not the best person in the school," the redhead confirmed. If she was a good person, a good girlfriend, she wouldn't even be back in this position. She wouldn't be so close to the blonde, trying to keep as close to her as she could get. She swallowed thickly, tucking her head away under Mackenzie's chin again, and burying her face close against her shoulder, listening for that heart beat again. "If I w-was honest and good, then you w-wouldn't be here," she admitted, swallowing again and tipping her head a bit, pressing her lips against the side of Mack's neck, feeling the pulse there. It made her own pulse race like crazy. "D-Don't go though, okay?"

	From: notonyourteam	Date: June 4th, 2011 05:12 pm (UTC)		(Link)

Mackenzie frowned as Tatum spoke about her biggest fear, it killed her to think about the little redhead obsessing over such a terrible thing. She had been worried when she had started dating Abigail that Kate wouldn’t approve, but she mostly kept if from her mother so she wouldn’t have to deal with the meltdown. Adam had found out much in the same way, except they had only made to heavy petting on his couch when he walked through the door. Her father had just laughed and told them to get a room before walking back towards his office. All in all though, she knew how much the redhead’s parents meant to her, and how much the girl could loose.

“Babe, it’s not stupid,” She reassured the redhead, hugging her tightly. There was that damn word again, just slipping out of her mouth. She was pretty sure that was why she had made up so many different little nicknames for the redhead. If she had a cutesy but friendly nickname to blurt out in its place, then she wouldn’t let things like that slip. Of course, now that everything had happened it was just impossible to censor herself anymore. “And you’re not stupid either. But you’re totally gay, and there’s nothing wrong with that.”

“Sorry,” She mumbled quietly. “Anyway, it’s like, a legit fear, okay? I never really had a great relationship with my mom so it wasn’t as big a deal for me, it was just another reason to hate her. But I know how awesome and loving your parents are. I know how much you would die if they ever did anything like that to you.” She pulled the redhead a little closer, rubbing her back comfortingly. “You don’t have to tell them until you’re ready. Like, even if they do find out before then, you’re never alone, got it? You can always come to my place, Kate will barely notice and Kia adores you. She’d love to have someone who actually cares to ramble about being a mediwitch to.”

“If your dad like, ever hates you because of who you are, then I’ll go talk to him.” She said firmly, squeezing Tatum lightly. She wouldn’t let Tatum end up losing her parents, especially not because of who she loved. She was sure that Mr. Donnelly would come around, even if he was upset to begin with. “I’m sure with some convincing he would come around if he wasn’t okay with it right from the start. He’s a good guy, your dad. I mean, even Kate came around eventually. Not that she ever said it to my face, but she stopped making cutting comments a while ago and just gives me looks sometimes. Quite an improvement, although I suspect that Kia might have said something.”

She just laughed and nodded in agreement when Tatum started going off about Buffy. It would be one of those things that she would watch just because Tatum got so excited about it but probably get really into it in the end. That always happened when they ended up watching the nerdy things that Tatum enjoyed, Mack wasn’t sure which part she enjoyed more about watching them. The actual show, or seeing Tatum revert into the nerdy little freshman she had made friends with. The same one who would play World of Warcraft for three days straight and not leave her desk. Even if Tatum thought she was awkward, there was just something about the girl that Mackenzie found sexy, WoW and all. She couldn’t really explain it to the redhead though, especially not without making her feel awkward, so she decided to let the subject drop.

	From: notonyourteam	Date: June 4th, 2011 05:12 pm (UTC)		(Link)

“Well, I did let you hit me,” she admitted, although she was sure that Tatum already knew that. “I didn’t expect you to get me down like that though. Good job, by the way. That was a smart move.” She grinned at Tatum, she had been so proud when the girl had knocked her over like that. “And you have a wicked left hook Tat, I think I’m still a little bruised from it. I don‘t think I want to get beat up by you again any time soon, learned my lesson.”

She was going to tell Tatum that at least she was honest about what she needed to come clean about, and that still made her a pretty good person. Or at least someone with good intent. It was true though, she wouldn’t have been able to be this intimate with the redhead if she was truly one hundred percent with Frankie. Mackenzie wanted to ask why she had let her do this then, why did Tatum continue to allow her to called her “babe” and hold her like this? Why did she let her kiss her on the forehead and return the favor? Why did she then say they were bros, after tangling their fingers together? It just didn’t add up for the blonde, she was confused as hell. There were just too many mixed signals.

That was when she felt the kiss on her neck, and her brain stopped asking so many questions. She bit her lip, feeling the redhead’s lips on her bare neck, she was trying really hard not to let Tatum know how much that little thing had effected her. A small whimper escaped her lips, and she hoped to god that Tatum hadn’t heard it. She was sure that the redhead did however, it was dead silent in the room. Her heart was pounding out of her chest, and her self control was hanging by a thread.

“Tatum,” She warned, swallowing roughly. She was trying to formulate the words to tell the redhead that she couldn’t do that, because then she would have to kiss her and she didn’t think she’d be able to stop this time. But what if Tatum really did want her to kiss her? Could she honestly look back at this moment and not regret making a move on the redhead? Hunter kept telling her just to go take what was hers or forget about it.

She had to know for sure if there was anything in this for her redheaded friend, she could forget about it and move on if there wasn’t, but if there was? She shifted back so she could look at the redhead, cupping her cheek with her hand. This was becoming all too familiar, at least this time Tatum hadn’t hit her. Yet.

Rubbing her thumb across Tatum’s cheek, she looked into her eyes searching desperately for an answer to all of her questions. “I’m going to kiss you now, okay?” She said quietly, scooting so she was a little bit closer to the redhead. She pulled Tatum’s face to hers and pressed her lips to the other girls, praying that Tatum wouldn’t push her away. She wasn’t sure if she could handle it if she did.

	From: porcelinaofvast	Date: June 4th, 2011 06:30 pm (UTC)		(Link)

Tatum barely even flinched when Mack called her babe again, just exhaling heavily against the blonde's neck, eyes still closed. The hug felt nice, and she was limp to it, just wanting to be held and comforted. She didn't know how their roles had switched back to normal again, but this felt much more natural. She was supposed to be the weak one, and Mack would keep her strong. The redhead had been a fool to think it could be any other way. "Okay, I guess I-I'm like.. not that stupid. But the gay thing isn't exactly like, fireworks and confetti in my family," she muttered sullenly.

The hand rubbing over her back calmed her down significantly, and she relaxed even more into the arms around her body. "You'd smuggle me into your house?" she asked curiously, chin resting onto the blonde's shoulder as she spoke. Mack's house was an extravagant jump from the modest home that her own family lived in. It might be nice to wake and bake poolside. If her parents kicked her out, at least her whole existence wouldn't have to be pathetic. There would still be weed and the gated community in upstate New York to look forward to. And Kia was a generally a nicer sister than Sera had ever been on any given day. "I guess that wouldn't be so bad," she relented. It was still scary to think about coming out to her parents, but it was good to know she wouldn't be entirely homeless or something. Shit like that happened all of the time to people.

She knew if push came to shove, Mack really would fight for her. She'd bring her home even if Kate did say 'no' to it, and Tatum knew she would get her way, probably with Kia's help. Mack really would probably go and try to reason with her father, if it ever came to that. It brought that ache into her chest again, the indecision tearing at her all over again. This was her best friend, and she didn't know why she was getting so sappy, except that she knew exactly why. That was the part that was the worst. She might have constantly shrugged off Mackenzie's advances as if they were poison, but there was no sense in denying her attachment to the girl. More so, her attraction to her.

The idea that Mack could feel anything for her, the way she claimed, still seemed like fiction. How could something like that be true? Girls like Mack didn't fall for people, and they certainly didn't fall for plain-jane little redheads with no social skills. Tatum had always admired Mackenzie, maybe even tried to learn by a few of her examples. Her affection for sunglasses had come from the girl at least. But before Frankie, she had admired Mackenzie in an entirely different way. That first year, that freshman year, she would have dropped dead to get the time of day from Mack.

Date after date, she was the friend, listening and scrunching up her face in all of the right parts of the story. Telling the other girl she was gross became habit during this time. Never, back then, could she ever imagine them where they were now. When they had grown up? When had Mack decided she was this amazing saint of a person? Most of all, when did she stop noticing all of the amazing things about her own best friend? How did she let things get so messed up? Things were a mess, and knowing what she wanted seemed like a lengthy task.

Tatum was pulled out of her reverie when Mack admitted to throwing the fight, as if Tatum didn't already realize that. She cracked a wide smile and gave the front of the blonde girl's hoodie a little yank. "You fucking jerk off," she chided, although the praise felt nice. It wasn't like a move she pulled in a fist fight was something she got complimented on often. "I fuckin' showed you.. but I learn from the best, right?" she joked, reaching her hand up to brush across the cheek she had gone after in the fight. She hadn't noticed a bruise in the darkness, but if there was even a hint of one in the morning, she would heal it. Whether Mackenzie wanted her to or not, it was as irrelevent as ever.

	From: porcelinaofvast	Date: June 4th, 2011 06:31 pm (UTC)		(Link)

She tensed her own body in response when the whimper escaped Mack, seeming to echo across the darkness between them. It made Tatum's breath catch in her throat, and it took a few moments before the younger girl to manage a shaky exhale. "Uhm," she began, barely a whisper. She could hear Mack's heart again, louder than ever, like it was trying to jump right out of her chest. She was pretty sure her own heart was doing the same thing. It had been a simple gesture, almost friendly, but there was no denying the intensity of their movement. They had both felt it, and Tatum's stomach felt tied in a thousand knots as a result.

Her head shot up when Mackenzie spoke her name, her eyes probably as wide as saucers as she did. She was trying to stay calm, but there was no denying the feelings now, there was a charge building between them and she didn't think they could stop it. Her hand, still held by Mack's, gave the other girl another squeeze. She wanted to reply, but words were quite beyond her.

All at once, Mack was propping herself up, shifting around the bed, pulling the blanket half off of them. She felt the hand on her cheek, and squinted that eye a little in response, a weak smile crossing her lips as she looked up at the older girl. The thumb drifted across her skin, and she found herself tipping her head against the blonde's hand, looking seriously at her despite the little smile. Mack was looking at her so closely, looking for something, but Tatum had no clue what to offer her. When Mack finally spoke, Tatum was closing her eyes and trying to breathe deeply.

"Kay," she blurted, without really thinking of it. She felt weak, used, and exhausted. There was really not much fight left in her over this. They were going to kiss, and she should have known it was going to happen before Mack even got here, before they even climbed onto Bekka's bed. She had let it get this far, and she couldn't hurt another girl. She had hurt Frankie, she had hurt Mack before, and now Mack was laying herself out all over again, and she couldn't hurt her a second time. She also couldn't deny that she didn't want to fight it. Mack's lips were on her before she had much of a chance to give it a second consideration, but there was.. surprisingly nothing wrong with it.

Other than the obvious moral ramifications, or the guilt she was sure that would drag her stomach down for the next part of forever, it was actually really nice. She lifted a hand, lazily resting it onto Mack's shoulder, squeezing it as she was kissed, and she found herself kissing back, leaning in hungrily. When was the last time Frankie had just kissed her? Just held her? It was wrong, but she needed it, sinking further into Mackenzie's arms around her.

The blonde's lips were soft, the bottom one just a little rough, probably busted by Hunter recently or something. That wouldn't surprise Tatum a bit. She kissed it lightly, sucking at it, and her hand moving of it's own accord, sliding down off of the older girl's shoulder. There was a moment of hesitation, which seemed to last forever for Tatum, before the hand kept going, grazing just lightly over Mackenzie's breast through the over-sized hoodie. She didn't feel like she was wearing a bra, and Tatum felt her stomach plummet down into her legs, making her shudder. What the fuck was she doing?

	From: notonyourteam	Date: June 4th, 2011 07:41 pm (UTC)		(Link)

“Well it’s not light Kate burst out the rainbow flags or anything,” She laughed, continuing to rub the girls back in comfort. Being a teenager was rough, but having to worry about the possibility of being disowned because of your sexuality made being a teenager even harder. Mack had just decided to deal with it by being an asshole about it to her mother, as was her defense with many things. She knew that Kate might protest to Tatum staying, but she honestly didn’t care. Kate would allow it in the end because Mackenzie would do it anyway, and Kia would probably run damage control for her like she always did. “Of course I’d smuggle you into my house, Kate has already practically adopted Hunter, she might be a right bitch most of the time, but she cares about stuff. You’d have to stay in my room though,” she joked lightly. “Jakie is moving into the guest room and Hunter already claimed the other guest room. Bitch has half of her shit in there, I’m afraid to even look.”

She shifted slightly, getting a little more comfortable and pulling the redhead even closer. It killed her to have to be honest with the redhead, she knew that it would be that bad. Getting kicked out of your home because of your sexuality, there would never be a silver lining for that. She knew that Tatum would be broken if she had to come live with her, even if it would be pretty cool to live together like that. “It’d be bad Tat, I’m not gonna lie to you, but you’ll never be homeless when I’m around. Whatever happens I’ll be right there next to you to help you deal with it, even if you need to pull a Hunter and beat out your frustration on me. You always have me, no matter what.”

“Hey, hey! Easy tiger,” She joked, laughing as Tatum tugged at her sweatshirt. While she had let Tatum off easy by not even trying to defend herself, it still said a lot to her that Tatum would even take her on like that. It was a ballsy move, and Mack could respect that a lot. “Yeah yeah, you showed me kid. Damn right you learned from the best, although I don’t know if I want to teach you anymore. I might end up getting my ass kicked pretty bad if that was what you did after just one lesson.”

She finally remembered to breath when she realized that Tatum had not only completely agreed to the kiss but was actually kissing her back. She could feel the girl relaxing into her and she couldn’t help but smile slightly. There couldn’t have been a happier person at CCI in that moment of time, she could feel her heart almost bursting. Tatum, fucking Tatum Donnelly was kissing her back, was sucking on her bottom lip. She threaded her fingers through the girls red hair and brought her closer, pressing her body into the redheads. It was like heaven, she was pretty sure that she could do something like this all day. She wasn’t sure why Tatum would think she would ever get tired of her if she kissed like this. She ran her tongue along the girls lower lip, wanting to make the kiss deeper.

She didn’t notice when Tatum’s hand started sliding down her shoulder, but she couldn’t suppress a small moan that made it’s way past her lips against the redhead’s mouth. She was extremely glad that she had decided not to wear a bra, she hadn’t thought I would mater but wanted to be comfortable. This was a much better pay off than comfort though, she though, untangling her hand from the redhead’s hair. She grabbed the other girl’s hip and pushed her onto her back gently, rolling so that she was on top of her. She was trying really hard to keep herself in check, it was hard to keep control with Tatum sucking on her lower lip like that. She wanted the redhead so desperately, it was killing her to hold back.

	From: porcelinaofvast	Date: June 4th, 2011 08:29 pm (UTC)		(Link)

Tatum's brain was screaming with protest, panicking and stammering reasons for just how wrong this was. Not even that it was Mack on the other end of the kiss, although that was strange enough, but that she was doing this to Frankie. She had promised the world to the brunette, swore she'd never hurt her, told her she loved her. She meant all of it, but how was she supposed to stop herself? Was she really such a bad person?

She had a feeling that she would think so once the haze of the moment cleared around them.

The redhead let out a little whimper of her own as Mack's tongue touched her, and the younger girl parted her lips obediently, her own tongue pressing forward cautiously. The blonde tasted like cinnamon, the same as the gum she always stole from Tatum. It almost made it better, and the shorter girl tried to hold in another whimper as Mack shifted them around. She flopped onto her back easily, looking up at the older girl with half-lidded eyes for a moment.

There wasn't even a moment to spare before Mack was on top of her, and then Tatum was back at it, her teeth fastening around Mack's lower lip briefly, before pressing into another kiss, more desperate this time. She wanted to say something, knew they needed to stop before they went too far into this, but it was what they needed. Mackenzie needed her, and she needed Mackenzie. It was just one night. Tomorrow, she'd have her best friend back, no matter what.

Tonight, this just made her feel safe, feel better. All of the shit going on around them didn't matter for the moment.

	From: notonyourteam	Date: June 4th, 2011 09:11 pm (UTC)		(Link)

Mackenzie hummed happily as she slid her tongue into the redhead’s mouth, Tatum tasted like weed, and mint, and she loved it. It was one of those things that were extremely comforting, because it was so uniquely Tatum. She tried to ignore the small whimper that the girl had made as she let her tongue dance across the redhead’s. If she let herself get too worked up, there was no way that they weren’t going to go all the way tonight. Deep down, she knew that it would probably kill Tatum to have that happen. Tatum might not have been a virgin but she had (to Mack’s knowledge) only slept with Frankie. Being her second in this situation would ruin everything, even if Tatum didn’t resist her.

Pressing back against the girl once they had settled into their new position, she kissed Tatum back just as hungrily. Every time the redheaded girl attached to her lip like that she felt a little bit more self control slip away, she was pretty sure Tatum was crazy to think that she wasn’t sexy. She slipped a hand under Tatum’s shirt, dragging her finger nails lightly across the younger girls abdomen as she broke their kiss and started kissing down the redhead’s a jaw line to her neck.

Right now everything was perfect, her brain had switched to autopilot. Craig, Kate, the whole messed up situation of her life didn’t matter as she sucked lightly on Tatum’s pulse point. She was careful not to leave a mark, as desperately as she wanted to. It would have made her so happy to make the redhead as her own, but right now wasn’t the right time for that. She kissed up towards the girl’s ear, her fingers drawing lazy circles on her stomach.

‘I love you Tatum Donnelly,” She whispered, her breath tickling the redhead’s ear. She kissed the girl right underneath her ear lobe before lifting her head slightly to look into the girl’s brown eyes. “I’m sorry, but I can’t help it. I just do.” She kissed the girl again, trying to put every emotion into that one simple gesture, her hand sliding underneath the small of the girls back and pulling her against her.

	From: porcelinaofvast	Date: June 4th, 2011 09:30 pm (UTC)		(Link)

Tatum closed her eyes tightly, a low groan escaping her as Mackenzie's nails scraped their way across the skin on her stomach and chest, making the weak muscles there tense up rigidly none the less. It hitched her breath, her hips arching up off of the bed in an automatic response. She felt bad as soon as she had done it, felt worse about how delightful the friction from her shorts against her was.

She licked her lips, they felt a little swollen as she chewed furiously on the edge when Mack's lips worked their way down her neck. So that was why she had been making noises like that earlier. It sent shivers down the redhead's entire body, starting right at the back of her neck, bolting down to her feet. She reminded herself, for not the first or even second time, that this needed to stop.

Another whimper slipped past her lips as Mack began to suck at her neck, and she lifted one hand to gently bat the blonde away. There couldn't be marks, no evidence. She couldn't wear a scarf in the start of Louisiana's summer. "Don't," she warned, though there was no conviction behind it. She felt her move against her ear, the breathing of the older girl making Tatum's heart flutter furiously.

When Mackenzie told her that she loved it, Tatum was dragged back down from the high of everything, reality setting in. Her best friend loved her, truly loved her, and she was leading the girl on. She knew, when this was over, she would go back to Frankie tomorrow. She could joke as she would, but she wasn't ready to break up. If Frankie wanted her, she wanted her back. Who was she to even drag Mack into this? And then for her friend to have such feelings..

She looked back into the other girl's eyes, but her own eyes welled up with tears all over again. "I don't know," she managed, before she was caught in another kiss, and she leaned into it again, arching with Mackenzie's hand. Her arms wrapped desperately around the blonde, clinging to her, half terrified to even let her go. She needed her so bad, but she needed Frankie too, and yet again she realized that someone was going to get badly hurt from this. It was all her fault.

"I h-hate this, I w-w-want this," she whispered, sniffling, kissing Mack lightly again. "I don't even k-know, fuck," she continued, eyes closing to keep any tears from falling. Her arms stayed tight, just holding on.

	From: notonyourteam	Date: June 4th, 2011 11:12 pm (UTC)		(Link)

Mackenzie knew that she wasn’t going to hear it back from the redhead, and that was okay with her. Love was a big word, and she knew that Tatum’s heart still belonged partially to Frankie. It made her sad but at the same time, the redhead was still kissing her back. She still wanted this and for now, that was enough for Mackenzie. She wasn’t totally out of this game yet, and Tatum Donnelly was kissing her. She had to battle the urge to jump up and do a little victory dance, it would totally ruin the moment. Although it would be adorable to see Tatum sit there and look at her with the disbelieving look she knew the girl would give her.

She kissed the girl softly again, she knew that Tatum was so very torn up about this. It killed her to see how upset the girl was, but at the same time, what Hunter had told her a few nights ago had rang true. She had two options, she could step in at push to get what she wanted or she could duck out of the game. As much as she hated to admit it, Hunter was right, Tatum would pick her if she wanted her enough. Otherwise, she might as well move on.

“I want you,” she admitted quietly, kissing away a stray tear that had leaked from the redhead’s eyes. She rested her head against the redhead’s forehead, trailing a finger around the girl’s waist. She started tracing patterns on the skin of her hip, right above where her shorts were. She slid her leg between Tatum’s and kissed her slowly, this was something to be dealt with delicately. There wasn’t anyway to rush into something like this. She knew it was so wrong, but it felt so right. Tatum could stop her at anytime and she wouldn’t get mad.

	From: porcelinaofvast	Date: June 5th, 2011 12:49 am (UTC)		(Link)

Tatum could have sworn her heart stopped entirely when Mackenzie said she wanted her. She actually meant her, and although she knew it was true, the realization still blew her mind, despite everything else. Frankie aside, family drama aside, Mack wanted her, of all of the girls in Sonnier. In the school even. It was just ridiculous, but it was clear that the blonde wasn't lying. What did she have to gain by lying? Tatum herself would be lying if she tried to say she didn't want her back.

She couldn't find a way to voice it, and just scrunched her face a little as Mack kissed her beside her eye. She opened up, peering at the older girl as their foreheads came together. "Is this even real life?" she murmured, shivering all over as Mack's finger began to tickle just above her shorts. Did she realize how something like that would totally destroy any chance she had of resisting all of this? It was a bad idea, but she couldn't turn back now.

Feeling Mackenzie's leg between hers, the redhead let out another soft moan against the kiss, her hips giving one useless grind against the blonde. It definitely felt real. If she didn't call this off soon, she didn't know how far this was going to go. She had a feeling it was in her hands, and that somehow made her more comfortable, even if guilt was still building deep inside her.

Lifting both hands up, she put one on either side of Mack's face, continuing the kiss between them. "J-Just for tonight, okay?" she managed to whisper, breaking the kiss to get it out, placing a furious series of smaller kisses over the blonde girl's face. "Cause w-we just.. need it, okay? Just for t-tonight," she insisted again, looking at Mack seriously, and surprisingly even herself by giving another arch of her hips against the girl on top of her.