From: porcelinaofvast	Date: May 26th, 2011 04:37 am (UTC)		(Link)

Tatum didn't think she was going to be able to stop crying, but within a few moments, she had relaxed easily into Mackenzie's embrace. Still sobbing, she kept her face pressed tight to the blonde's shoulder, looking up only when forced, closing her eyes tightly as her forehead was kissed. It was a lot to take it, and it was a lot to think about. Things wouldn't be easy from here on out, with things so out in the open between them, and then Frankie factored in as well. Sort of like an elephant under a tablecloth, were they just supposed to act like this never happened? She knew she couldn't, and it only made her cry harder.

She listened to what Mack said to her, nodding her head just the slightest bit in agreement when she was questioned about that day in the library. She remembered it well, the weird look she had given the blonde, that nonchalant smile from behind sunglasses that she got in return. They had laughed, but it had meant a lot to her. No one had ever said anything like that to her before. It was sort of weird, but sort of awesome. She hadn't really thought about it in years, but now it felt like yesterday. The first year they had been friends had been the best. It was only a few years ago, but it felt like decades. What she wouldn't have given to be a carefree and clueless freshman again.

When Mack pulled away from her and stood, going to get her things, Tatum watched her closely with a slightly trembling lip. She wanted to be strong, just let it go, but it wasn't easy. This whole fight had been a ridiculous idea, and she cursed herself for ever getting it into her head that it was a good one. It had been terrible, she hadn't proved a point, hadn't defended Frankie, hadn't even landed a half-decent punch. It was all a waste, and on top of that, now there was this unspeakable moment of weakness between them and the awkwardness she could already feel settling in the air.

She knew she would stay with Frankie, wanted to be with her, loved her desperately. As long as Frankie would have her, she would be there. But how long could she keep this from her? Keep acting like she didn't know everything now? How long before she would have to tell her that she had kissed Mack? She wanted nothing more than to run to her own room and hide until graduation. She didn't think she could deal with the pressure of it all coming down on her head.

She wanted Mack to stop, especially when she saw her choking up again, and she began to do the same. Her lips were trembling, and she bit hard onto the bottom one, trying to stop it, and trying to calm herself. Her hands, balled into fists in her lap, struggled to stay stationary.

"Do you remember that movie I made you watch? After Brittany Murphy died? I said it was one of the best things she ever did?" she asked casually, although her voice was thick from crying, and she sniffling afterward. She asked as if Mack hadn't announced she was going to walk away; she was pretending she didn't hear it. If she didn't acknowledge her, Mack couldn't just leave her here. "Do you remember my favorite part?"

It was desperation again, her brain trying to think up something, anything, to keep them talking this out. She didn't care if Mack really remembered, wasn't sure she even would; she had probably made the older girl watch a thousand movies during their friendship. And this one hadn't been a particularly special viewing. But it was one of Tatum's favorites, and the quote had always stuck with her.

"Sometimes we.. love people so much that we have to be numb to it. Because if we actually felt how much we love them, it would kill us. That doesn't make you a bad person. It just means your heart is too big," she recited the line carefully, sniffling again. "That's me and you. And me and her. If you knew how much I actually.. Mack, I can't even explain it. Y-You're both everything to me and I don't know what to do," she managed, inhaling sharply in an attempt to stave off more tears.

"I wish I could be numb to it, cause then it wouldn't b-be so.. fucking hard."

	From: notonyourteam	Date: May 26th, 2011 05:11 am (UTC)		(Link)

Mackenzie wished that Tatum had just let her walk away, she was extremely close to losing it. She wished that she could just turn around at that point and walk away from the redhead. It was the least painful thing to do, run away. Maybe that was her father’s thinking when he left them. Maybe her mother was right, she was too much like her father sometimes. But she stayed rooted to the spot, nodding numbly when Tatum asked her about the movie. Of course she remembered that movie, she remembered almost every single thing that her and Tatum had ever done together. She had tons of stupid picture’s pinned around her desk of her and the redhead.

Her defenses were starting to nag at the back of her mind, telling her to lash out at the redhead, to keep her at arms length. What the hell had she been thinking? Telling Tatum her deepest, darkest secret. It hadn’t really made anything better, it hadn’t changed anything, it just made things awkward between the two of them. It changed everything.

There would always be a her, there would always be Frankie, Mackenzie felt stupid thinking that there wouldn’t be. That maybe, just maybe, things could change. Frankie was right about her being pathetic, waiting around for someone she couldn’t have. She couldn’t even look at the redhead at the moment, instead studying the grass under her shoes. She needed to walk away, she needed Hunter.

“You know what to do Tatum,” She said, her voice rough from all the crying. Not that it had stopped, she wondered if she could ever get it to stop now that it had started. She had kept it all welled up inside her for so long. “And you know what you’re going to do. And that’s alright, okay? Really, don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine, we‘ll all be fine.” She knew she wouldn’t be, but she had to get the redhead to believe that she would. Tatum would kill herself over worrying about her and she didn’t want to be a burden on the redhead.

She walked over to the miserable redhead and cupped the girls cheek once again. “Hey, you should cheer up Tater Tot,” she said, forcing a smile onto her face. She ran her thumb over the smooth skin of the girls cheek, wiping some of the tears away. She had to be strong for both of them, she had sworn to protect the redhead, even if it was from herself. “You’re so pretty when you smile.” She kissed the girl’s cheek and straightened up, it was time to walk away now. She wouldn’t be able to hold it together much longer.

She ruffled the mess of red hair and turned away from the redhead, making her way across the Quidditch pitch slowly. Her legs felt like lead as she walked and she really wanted nothing more than to turn around and race right back to Tatum. She hoped that the girl knew she wasn’t abandoning her, she just couldn’t handle it anymore today. She needed a break, needed to get away for a while. She needed to figure out what the hell she was going to do, and she couldn’t do that with Tatum sitting right in front of her.