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To: Jenny (jenniferparry@cci.edu) From: Sera (seraphimdonnellyrousseau@cci.edu) Date: December 12, 2010, 9:36 PM Subject: Re:Sorry
Hey,
You have nothing to be sorry about, seriously all that matters that you're okay. How are you doing by the way? You gave us all quite a scare. I'm glad you're getting some rest at leas though, even if your mom is driving you nuts about it right now.
You didn't ruin the night at all darling, don't even worry about it. I'm glad we got a chance to talk about everything, thanks for opening up it really did mean a lot, especially what you told me about that Lalaurie girl (and I'm not mad, really). I did miss you at the concert though, a couple of the others were asking about you too, we all missed you:(
Anyway, I agree we definitely do all need to get together sometime over the break, let me know what Ro and Meka think and we'll work out something. Aside from that though if you need me for anything, you know where to find me, even if its just to talk or whatever.
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From: 867_5309 |
Date: December 13th, 2010 02:33 am (UTC) |
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To: Sera (seraphimdonnellyrousseau@cci.edu) From: Jenny(jenniferparry@cci.edu) Date: December 12, 2010, 9:57 PM Subject: RE: SORRY.
I'm fine now, even if my mom seems convinced otherwise. I got lots and lots of sleep, and they've been waiting on me hand-and-foot, so I'm sure I'll be back to normal in no time. :) No worries. I didn't mean to scare you guys, I wish I could have given you a warning or something, but such is the nature of it all.. by the time I know what's going on, it's way too late.
Driving me nuts, by the way, is the understatement of the century. She's already booked the whole next week off of work, even though it'll be Christmas in like, two weeks. I told her I'd be okay on my own, plus Ella is gunna be home, but she's not taking 'no' for an answer. I was a little bit shaky getting out of bed this morning to take a shower, and I think she was ready to hose me down and sponge bath me right there and then if I didn't protest it.
It was nice to talk, like.. really talk. You're the first person I told, not even Ella knows.. which is really bad, because I'm harping on her for keeping stuff from me. Hypocritical, huh? I just didn't think it mattered. It felt good to get it off of my chest. I'm glad you're not mad, and we'll talk more when you come to visit, okay? I had something else I wanted to-
Asking about me in a good way or a bad way? I didn't ask Ella what I did, but I guess it must have been pretty bad, because she seems even more upset than usual now. And the teachers told my parents everything that happened I think, but when I asked about it, my mom just cried and my dad said not to worry about it. Which, obviously, is easy for them to say.
Meka says she's up for whenever you guys want, so once I hear from Ro, I'll just figure out something from there. :]
- Love Jen
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To: Jenny (jenniferparry@cci.edu) From: Sera (seraphimdonnellyrousseau@cci.edu) Date: December 12th, 2010, 10:38PM Subject: No Subject
It's okay, I kinda had a feeling something was wrong, the way you grabbed my hand but by the time I though anything of it and turned you were already slipping to the ground. I'm sorry I couldn't have I don't know caught you better or something? You hit the ground pretty hard. It just all happened so suddenly.
It might not be all the bad having your mom home for a while, our mom we'll probably be working almost right up till Christmas, all the shopping, the tree everything will probably be rushed. You'll have time to get some shopping done and stuff, that's if she lets you out of bed that is. Seriously though just give her time, parents worry but they'll relax once they see that you're okay and everything.
Really, you didn't tell Ella? I thought you two told each other everything, knowing that, it means even more to me that you thought you could open up like that. I definitely want to talk more when we see each other, maybe we could hang out sometime over break just the two of us? I obviously still want to get together with Ro and Meka and them for a girls night but that probably wouldn't be the best time for us to actually talk. It is kind of hypocritical i guess but she has been acting strange lately, I don't know if that's related to what she's been keeping from you or not though. You're right to be concerned if its having an effect on her. Things were weird between us for awhile after the summer but they weren't necessarily bad, so i guess it depends on what she's keeping from you.
Don't worry about, mostly people were just concerned about how you were doing, and were saying like they really wished you couldn't been at the concert. Others were talking about what they heard from so and so what happened to you, people are always going to gossip (about everything and anything) You know what some of the morons we go to school with are like?
Love Sera
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From: 867_5309 |
Date: December 15th, 2010 02:51 am (UTC) |
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To: Sera (seraphimdonnellyrousseau@cci.edu) From: Jenny (jenniferparry@cci.edu) Date: December 12th, 2010, 11:22PM Subject: RE:No Subject
Don't feel bad, hun. There isn't anything anybody can really do. Even Ella can't tell well enough to catch me or do anything until it's already happening.. not that she's needed to for a long time. I guess I'm lucky she never forgot all the proper steps, or then I might actually be in trouble. It wouldn't be the first time she's practically saved my life while I'm down for the count.
I need her to relax now. I'm pretty lucky that most of my shopping was done while we were in school, because I have a feeling she isn't going to let me out of bed to do anymore of it.. I don't even know if she's gunna let me go back to class in two weeks without a fight. I'm hoping she'll calm down, but I won't hold my breath on it.
I didn't know how to tell her. I still don't, but I guess I'll have to eventually.. maybe I can convince her to do a trade off for whatever she seems to be bottling up on me. I dunno. It's like, private in a different way, it's like.. I don't think she wouldn't accept me, I just don't know if she'd understand. Which is probably wrong, because Ella is the most understanding person I know. Being unable to relate is probably a better way to word it. I knew I could tell you because you obviously could relate. And I felt I owed you after I.. acted like a total asshole to you like that. Which, for the hundredth time, I am sorry for, I just..
It's like I want it, but I don't. I want it, but I don't. I'm fine, but I'm not. And none of it matters, but it all does. I'm just kind of a mess, and you.. really, really don't want to get involved. Trust me, okay?
I definitely think we should get together. If I can convince mum to even let me go, I could come over. Or you could come here, but she might make you wear a decontamination suit or something.
Funny, Meka and I were just talking about some of the morons we go to school with too. Great minds think alike?
- Love Jen
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To: Jenny (jenniferparry@cci.edu) From: Sera (seraphimdonnellyrousseau@cci.edu) Date: December 13th, 2010, 9:46AM Subject: RE:RE:No Subject
I know I've told you this before but you're so lucky to have a sister like Ella. You should have seen her, it was like you were barely even on the floor and she was there to help. Or at least it seemed that quick, I was just trying not to panic and she was just so serious and calm (lol it was almost weird seeing her like that)
You know you don't have to tell her if you're not ready? I didn't even tell Tatum until I thought I really knew, and she had already gone through it on her own. I knew she wouldn't judge or care but still I had to make sure that I was okay with it first before I could tell anyone. You're obviously still confused about everything, which is why i assume you choose to tell me about Quinn? So don't rush things. If you're just trying to figure everything out right now, just let yourself figure it out, it's kind of something you need to do on your own (as much as I'd like to say I wanna help). I know getting things off your chest feels good, but telling people, even Ella probably won't help all that much (especially if she's kinda wierd about it.. not that she will be but you know what I mean)
I don't think you're a mess, believe me that's the last thing I think. I know what you're going through, I remember the first time I kissed a girl, I don't even remember how it happened, it just did and afterward I felt ashamed and strange and I didn't want to tell anyone, for a long time (not even you or Rowan or Meka, nobody), for almost a year. But overtime I felt less strange and more confident. I don't it's hard to explain, I just knew. I could picture myself kissing other girls and doing more and when I thought about it it just seemed natural, no different then with a boy. Sorry that was really rambled and probably didn't help at all, it's just hard to explain in words. I hope that made some kind of sense though, if not sorry again and we'll definitely talk more when we see each other. I'll definitely come there if she won't let you leave that's no problem as long as I get to see you.
Love, Sera
PS: You better be able to go back to school after break, I need my favorite study buddy:) and glee will hopefully be back on tooXDD
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From: 867_5309 |
Date: December 26th, 2010 04:08 pm (UTC) |
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To: Sera (seraphimdonnellyrousseau@cci.edu) From: Jenny (jenniferparry@cci.edu) Date: December 13th, 2010, 10:19 AM Subject: RE:No Subject
Unfortunately, I guess I've given her a lot of times to practice.. lol.. she was always a lot more mature than me, even if people don't believe it. I don't know if I'd be strong enough to handle things like her, if our roles were ever reversed, it's kind of weird..
I think not having words for it about sums it all up. It's just.. like, I know it's normal, lots of people are doing it, and people are even beginning to accept it. I'm not ashamed, it's not even like that, I just don't.. know if it's what I pictured for me. When I was a kid, I always wanted to play house, I wanted to get married, and I've always wanted someone to be with forever, and I guess I just..
I don't know. Never considered the fact that I don't care if it's a boyfriend or not? I don't know how else to explain it. I'm like, still waking up to this realization that I just want love, and I don't care about all of the details. I'm just still sort of.. adjusting. I guess.
That's stupid, sorry.
- Jen
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