Who: Miranda Dodderidge & Ralph Frobisher
What: I can't even.... tell you
When: After the demonstration!
Where: Miranda & Greta's apartment


Ralph let out a long, drawn out sigh as he pushed Miranda and Greta’s apartment door open to walk in. Never did he think he’d see the day when the highlight would be bailing his girlfriend out of ministry arrest.

Yep. That’s right. He had effectively just plucked her out of jail.

Earlier today Miranda had gone against recently instated ministry rules to not only participate, but run a peace protest. If he hadn’t been so angry at her about going behind his back and drawing a considerable amount of unnecessary attention to herself, he would have been proud to see her so fiercely fighting for what she believed in. But, they were in a middle of a war, and it wasn’t exactly like everybody loved people like him right now, so--- it was stupid. She had been stupid, she had acted stupid.

He kept these thoughts to himself, however. As upset as he was, there was no reason to vocalize it. She knew he was upset, and beyond that, Ralph didn’t really feel like fighting. It had been a long day, and he wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and sleep through classes tomorrow.

Pressing his lips together tightly, he waited in the kitchen for her to follow him in. When she finally did appear, he looked at her plainly, not yet willing to speak.

Miranda was nearing a state of ecstasy with how excited she was. As she followed Ralph into her flat, she rubbed her wrists, still feeling the sting of the magical handcuffs that had been swirled around her just a few hours ago. Handcuffs! She’d been arrested. What a rush! What a thrill. The rally had gone exactly the way she’d wanted it to, all the important messages their troop had been hoping to portray had been seen and accepted by the crowd with great vigor and---

--and now Ralph was mad at her. Miranda, who was still in costume, in head to toe flower power attire, pulled off her green head band and flung it onto the counter. She began to untangle the flowers from her hair as she stared at her boyfriend---fiance---from across the kitchen, knowing that look. That was the look she’d used to get when she’d said something really mean, or stupid back at Hogwarts, or he’d caught her lying about some homework she hadn’t really done---Miranda hated that look and barely refrained from rolling her eyes. She went to the sink to wash her hands and face, there were still some smears of paint across her cheeks.

“What?” she let out, shaking her head. Miranda would not feel guilty about this. If she had let Ralph in on her plans, he would have stopped her, and she wouldn’t have been able to make a difference in the only way she could, “Don’t look at me like that.”

“Fine,” Ralph answered simply, finding there really wasn’t anything else he could say without starting a confrontation. He really--- they had been in this bad, strange place for what seemed like such a long time that it almost seemed normal. He wasn’t sure when he had noticed this, whether it was just a few minutes ago or a few weeks ago, but right now it suddenly became the only thing on his mind. Normal had left them months ago, and, that wasn’t good, that wasn’t healthy at all. Normal felt like just a foreign concept now, despite all they had ever known was being normal beyond normal. In school, they had never been the smartest, or the most popular, just... normal. And he had enjoyed that, it felt reassuring, but now---

Ralph shook his head, dropping his gaze to hold it low. His mind suddenly felt heavy and confused, unsure of where he was going with this. What was--- he trying to say? Think-- what was he trying to get at? That they--- they weren’t healthy, that they were all wrong? That didn’t--- they weren’t wrong, they were Miranda and Ralph, they were right. The one thing that was always right, and had been for the past four years! He didn’t-- he didn’t--- Ralph’s mind continued to spiral even further, becoming more confused as to where this leading to.

He loved Miranda very much. Ralph knew that. How he felt about her would never change. But the more he let his mind go, the more--- the more he was concerned that this was the new them. Miserable and numb, barely with each other when compared to how they were before. Did this--- were they dying? No, no-- he refused to accept that. But---

“I think we should go on a break,” he blurted quietly, his brain so detached from the rest of his body that he barely recognized that he had spoken. It was--- Ralph blinked slowly, his gaze with the table strengthening as he tried to refocus.

She could not have heard him right. Miranda shut the water from the sink and turned to him quickly, eyes narrowing, “You think---”

A break? A break? What were they, sixteen? Merlin’s bloody beard, in all of their time together she had never felt so angry at Ralph. A break? He wanted to get away from her? To---Miranda clenched her fists as she felt her body begin to shake. This anger was new, she’d never felt this near rage at anything before and she couldn’t even try to control herself. What was he thinking! How could he even think of leaving her, she would never! She would never leave Ralph, ever! She had made that choice, and he was ready to--

“I sing some fucking songs and you’re ready to up and leave!” she let out loudly, not caring if Greta was home or not. Miranda’s face felt so hot, her entire body felt so bloody hot. She couldn’t even look at Ralph, how dare he suggest---some part of her knew that it wasn’t about the rally, that she had been mean, and irritable, and just not---herself, but who was anyone to say that---maybe this was who she was, now, and----Miranda felt her eyes fill with hot, angry tears because she knew that she’d messed up, that she was messed up, but how could Ralph---

Miranda put up a hand, trying to force herself to remain somewhat coherent and calm, but the amount of anger that had so quickly rushed through her was hard to control, “I have---done--everything I could for---us! And you!” She was finally able to look at him, her near fury pushing her to do so, “And you! You can’t----you want a break.”

She shook her head furiously, her hands reaching to the back of her neck to try and unclasp the necklace she was wearing because it suddenly felt like it was scalding her skin.

He should feel his anger rising, shouldn’t he? Or any emotion for that matter. Some emotion besides this full-fledged depression beginning to sweep over him. Ralph felt his previous anger from before sink low into nothingness faster and faster by the minute. He could hear Miranda yelling at him, he could feel how angry she must be, and he understood it, but--- it seemed so distant, and his mind hurt---

No, no, it wasn’t like that--- he didn’t--- “No!” Ralph spoke hoarsely, his throat feeling extremely dry as his shoulders sank low. While it was not possible, it felt like a ten ton hippogriff had just landed on his shoulders. His gaze stayed on the table as his began to blink more quickly. “It’s not--- of course it’s not about the protest. That’s not---”

Ralph began to shake his head, and his hands went to his face. She didn’t understand, she was misinterpreting what he was trying to say. Or--- what he thought he was trying to say. He loved her, he loved her, he did, but this---

“I’m not--- I know, I know---- everything, unimaginable---” he spoke into his hand, great deep breaths beginning to overtake him. He couldn’t, he didn’t want to bring any of this up. It was nearly unbearable to think of, let alone speak of out loud to her.

“Look at us!” Ralph stated miserably, throwing his hands back to finally look up and meet her gaze. Miranda’s fierce gaze threw him off, and for a second, Ralph stayed still as he took in how terrifying she looked. Blinking even quicker, his mouth floundered before opening to spit out what he had been keeping to himself for a very long time now.

“I can’t--- I look at you and--- I think of her. Everyday! And I just--- I can’t, I can’t anymore. It’s too hard---- it’s killing us. I can’t--- I can’t do it anymore! To look at you and feel that guilt--- all because of me! Why--- this is happening, why we’re like this, it’s all my fault--And--- I can’t just--- sit and--- watch us die. I won’t--- what else is there---”

All the heat she had built up in the mere minute of their argument dissipated from her pores. Miranda felt like an ice cold bucket of water had been dumped over her head, freezing her entirely as Ralph spilt out his true feelings on the matter. Miranda stared, stricken as if he’d cursed her to hell, and was unsure of what to do next. It had been this---silent agreement not to mention the baby. They had spent many days and nights just---being miserable and sad, Miranda had never cried so much in her life but they had to keep going on. They had finally gone back to work, gone back to classes, gone back to seeing their friends and family but the pain was always there, no matter how hard they tried to ignore it.

Miranda looked at the ground, her hand clenched around the necklace she’d quickly taken off. The ring Ralph had proposed had been looped on it, and was now nearly piercing the skin of her palm. She had half a mind to throw it back at him, wondering if he’d really meant that he was ready to be there for her, for better or for worse, like the piece of jewelry suggested. Miranda knew they’d only gotten engaged because of the baby, but before they’d lost her she’d felt some ease in knowing that this was going to happen anyway---she was going to marry Ralph someday, it was just getting settled a bit earlier than they’d planned. Now it hurt even more to know that he could just give up like this.

There weren’t any breaks when you were supposedly planning to spend the rest of your life with someone. That didn’t happen anymore. They weren’t in Hogwarts, this wasn’t some stupid fight that could be over by the next class period. A break, right now, meant that they could not return to the state they had been before, that things needed to change before they could be together again and---Miranda shook her head, her chest heaving with each breath and every new wave of tears.

“And you think---leaving is going to--make this better?” Miranda couldn’t deny that they’d been in a terrible place, but at least they were together. The thought of trying to fix things and get back to normal without Ralph was numbingly daunting. She put a hand to her chest, unable to breathe, “Do you think I don’t think about her? Everyday, Ralph, I think---I think it should’ve been me and----

“I shouldn’t have let him---I should have died instead of choosing----it should have---I can’t--I can’t do this, Ralph, I---I’m---” She felt like apologizing, but for what? He was the one that was trying to leave her, like this, like a complete wreck of a person. Her father, her baby, her best friend, and her goddaughter had all died within the span of one year, and Ralph thought it would be okay to leave her alone?

“I’m sorry that I---that everything---” She dropped back against the sink and covered her face with her hands, unable to continue.

Leave? Leave--- leave... Ralph’s neck snapped up instinctively, his brow furrowing as he eyes locked on Miranda. She thought--- he didn’t understand-- she didn’t understand. Leave... leaving meant permanently, or for a very long time. Leaving meant to go and never come back--- no, no he didn’t want that. They didn’t--- his head began to shake rapidly, suddenly overcome with the deep desire to make her understand. That wasn’t--- that wasn’t--- they were meant to be together, just like he had promised---

But Miranda did not give him the opportunity to speak. She continued, and his eyes stayed locked on her at first because of his determination, and then in time due to the sheer horror of what he was hearing come from her lips.

No---no--- he stood stock-still as if in shock, like he was unable to move or even blink! Did she-- did she really think that? That she should have died instead? Or-- or--- that he was upset because he had wanted a different outcome? How--- how--- a burst of pain erupted from his chest that was so strong it felt more agonizing than anything he had ever experienced--- worse than getting punched, worse than quidditch injuries, worse than the Cruciatus---- Ralph bent over as his hand flew to push itself against his chest. How could--- it was--- unbearable as it seemed that everything he had been bottling up over the months had finally boiled over into his conscious.

Uncontrollable tears begun to sprout from his eyes and Ralph breathed heavily, trying to find the ability to speak. He couldn’t--- never would leave her. How long had she been---- space, they needed space, this was hurting them, leeching the very sanity away from them to--- to--

“No--- no--- don’t say that--” Ralph sputtered, his head beginning to shake again. He didn’t understand what she was sorry about, this was all his fault, wasn’t it? “Don’t--- you couldn’t have--” His throat continued to fell sand-dry, but now his head began to pound as more tears slip down his face. What-- what--- “A--- mutual---- time---off or---- don’t--- be sorry.”

That was not what she wanted to hear. Miranda dropped her hands and stared across the kitchen, a deep frown on her face. He still wanted time off, he still needed to get away from her. From the guilt. Miranda let her gaze drop to the floor, not feeling any anger, or even sadness anymore. She was disappointed in Ralph, and in them. They were supposed to be stronger than everything that life threw at them, but apparently they needed time off. Ralph couldn’t even look at her without feeling miserable about the baby, about their entire situation so---what could she argue?

Miranda had a lot of things to say. She could point out that while Ralph got to leave, and deal with all that was messing him up, she could never get away. She was the one that had been carrying the baby, she had watched her stomach grow and she had felt the butterflies. She was the one that had to go through not feeling the flutters, she’d had to deal with the ridiculous change in hormones, from one day to the next. She had---Miranda shut her eyes and shook her head. She wasn’t going to do this anymore.

“Fine----fine,” she let out, unsure how she was still able to stand. Miranda couldn’t look at him, she was---so disappointed. Everything she’d done for Ralph, and he couldn’t--it was too hard. It almost made her want to scoff at him, but she just grabbed his hand and shoved the ring and necklace into his palm before backing away quickly, as if it had been burning her skin. If he couldn’t promise he could last with her now, through this, he couldn’t promise her for better or for worse, for the rest of their lives. “Just---just go. Break---we’ll break.”

Ralph looked down at his open palm in a strange manner, unable to grasp what was happening until it was too late. He didn’t---- understand. What was--- why was she giving this to him? He had given it to her, for her before--- no--- no--- he had given the ring to her, to keep for--- for forever! This wasn’t what was suppose to be happening.

His brain began to pick up the more he stared into his palm. This was supposed to be good, this was what they needed. He knew it was. The way they were now--- it was the only way to save what little normality they had left before--- before--- completely destroying it! But... she wasn’t acting that way. This wasn’t--- why was she-- his breathing began to pick up again as his mind jumped from conclusion to conclusion.

He didn’t--- he didn’t--- Ralph looked up at her like a child, expecting for her face to give some sort of clue as to why she was doing this. It wasn’t necessary for her to do this, they both knew they were going to stay together until the end. So this break of sorts didn’t--- it didn’t mean to them what it meant to other people. Didn’t she--- he thought--- his heart began to pick up with every step Miranda took away from him. That was disappointment, a wounded face. He--- had created that? But he had thought--

Somehow, unimaginably, Ralph rose from the coiled position in his chair. He curled his fingers tightly over the ring and chain, numb. Mindlessly, he did not move to wipe his face or fix anything else about him. The realization that he had just possibly lost Miranda forever had already begun to spread through his entire body. He had only been---- trying to do the right thing. A choking cough escaped him, accompanied by his lips producing the sounds he would later associate with “I’m sorry” as he blindly walked back out the door.

Miranda--- Miranda--- he couldn’t even look at her.