ashleigh barton (aluckycharm) wrote in nofairytale,
@ 2010-12-24 14:15:00

Entry tags:

character: ashleigh barton, character: ollie wendell, rating: pg-13, status: finished, type: log, year: 2006

ollie comforts ashleigh after the breakup
WHO: Ollie & Ashleigh
WHAT: AU, Post Ashed Breakup
WHEN: End of 7th Year
WHERE: Gryff Dorms
RATING: PG-13

As insane as it sounded, Ashleigh hadn't really been out of her dorm in days. She still couldn't believe what had happened. She couldn't believe that she'd actually gone through with it. Whether she was asleep or awake, all she could think about was his face, the way the tears had fallen onto his cheeks, how he'd told her that there could never be anyone else.

The few times she considered going to him and telling him the truth, she heard her mother's voice. You're weak. You're selfish. He will end up hating you as much as I hate your father. She laid in her bed, curtains drawn, face buried in a pillow as she cried. Honestly, she wasn't interested in life. She couldn't eat, she couldn't sleep... she felt as if she couldn't move without him.

After her fourth day of not so much as leaving the dorm, she finally came down into the common room, planning to search for food. However, she lost the energy and desire as she reached the sofa in front of the fire place and she found herself thinking that she wasn't very hungry after all. Maybe later. She couldn't stand to bump into him... maybe she'd to tonight.

Ollie hadn't seen Ashleigh in days. That was honestly kind of odd and he couldn't help being a little worried. Or more than a little. If he could have figured out a way into the girl's dorms (and he'd seriously already gotten enough detentions from trying in the last 7 years), he would have marched up there and demanded she tell him what was wrong. He didn't think he'd acted like a git lately. He was pretty sure he'd managed to keep his feelings in check and not show just how much he hated that Slytherin prat she was dating.

He'd been trying to think of something -maybe he could owl her and beg forgiveness for whatever was causing her to avoid him?- when he came into the common room and saw his best friend just sitting there on the couch, looking.. complete lost.

"Ash?" he questioned, moving immediately for said couch and forgetting about anything he might have intended to do with his day. "Ashleigh, what's wrong?"

To be perfectly honest, Ashleigh hadn't even thought about Ollie during the last four days. It was hugely out of character for her to be so selfish but she'd been lost in misery, only able to think about Ed and how she lost him, how she'd never love anyone else. At the moment, making it through the pregnancy and raising a child were the least of her worries. Right now, she just had to learn how to breathe without him.

She was staring into the fire place, watching the flames bounce around when Ollie finally found her. At first, she was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't hear him. She'd lost Ed. No, she'd pushed him away. He'd never kiss her or touch her - she'd never hear his softly spoken words of love again.

"Huh?" she asked, looking at the boy sitting beside her with a furrowed brow. "Oh... I'm..." She tried to think of a lie but, honestly, she was too exhausted, too defeated to bother. "I broke up with Ed," she told him, her eyes filling with tears as she said it. "It's... it's over."

She didn't move, she didn't shift in her seat at all, she simply sat there and looked at her best friend. It was stupid but a part of her was waiting for him to fix it... to fix her. She was broken, now, and she didn't know how to pick herself up again. Really, she didn't even want to.

Ollie had always expected he would want to throw a party when this day came. He'd never thought the Slytherin nearly good enough for his Ashleigh and he'd expected the boy would just screw it up one day, that Ash would come to her senses and things would be like they always were before.

He didn't, though. He couldn't be even remotely happy, not when the girl he loved more than anything was so obviously upset.

"Oh, honey..." He didn't know what to say or do, other than just pull her into his arms and hold her. He stroked his hands through her hair, rubbed her back, tried to reassure her it would be okay when he saw her tears and he instantly wanted to run out and punch the guy for being the cause.

"I'm so sorry, Ash," he mumbled, still holding her, trying to think of some thing amazing to say that would make it all okay. Unfortunately, nothing was coming. His best friend was about broken and he didn't know how to fix it. (Even if running out an killing a certain Slytherin seemed like a GREAT start.)

Regardless of Ollie's assumptions, Ed hadn't screwed this up. She had been the one to forget the charm. She was the one that had gotten pregnant. Ashleigh had been the one to ruin them... not Ed.

"I feel like I can't breathe, Ollie," she told him weakly as he pulled her close. "It hurts so much I don't really know if I want to breathe."

She buried her face in his chest as silent tears ran down her cheeks. After spending four days like this, she didn't even have the strength to properly cry.

It wasn't going to be okay. There weren't any magical words to fix this. Honestly, she felt as if she'd be broken forever without him but, at the same time, she knew that she'd made the right choice. It was better for her to hurt than for his future to be completely ruined... than for him to hate her in the years to come.

Seeing Ashleigh so upset kind of broke Ollie a little bit. He didn't know how to handle it, honestly. Sure, he'd been there for her when her mother had made her cry, but this was worse than all those times. He'd never seen her this heartbroken and it kind of killed him a little to see it now.

He brought a hand to her face, brushing gently at her tears while he whispered reassurances that it would be alright, the he was here and he wasn't going anywhere. He held her as close as he could manage, repeating the words over and over, just making sure she knew he wasn't going anywhere, that he was going to take care of her and make sure everything was alright.

A part of Ashleigh wanted to believe him when he said that everything was going to be alright. However, the larger part of her just knew that she'd never be happy again. How could she be? How could anything ever be alright again without him?

An outsider would've thought that she was completely overreacting. After all, she was only seventeen years old... what were the chances of her actually meeting the great love her life before she'd even finished school? She had, though, and she knew that she'd never love anyone the way that she loved Ed.

"It's not going to be alright," she told him with a shake of her head. "It wont be alright because..." She interrupted any protesting that he might be doing as she continued. "...Because I'm pregnant, Ollie."

She looked helplessly up at him as those last words left her mouth. "I'm going to... I've not even told Father, yet. I don't know what to do, Ollie. I..." she trailed off and shook her head. What was she going to do? Sure, she knew that her father would help her care for the child but that was hardly a silver lining for the cloud that had settled over her life.

She'd get over that jerk, eventually, Ollie figured. She just had to.. get this out of her system and maybe he'd have his chance to show her that he was really the guy for her. Not right now, of course, because that would just be rude, but.. he could be patient. He could wait. For her.

"You're going to let me take care of you, is what," he informed her, his hand under her chin, his thumb rubbing lightly at the tip of that chin. "I'll help you.. I'll be there.. every second, Ash. You're not going to go through this alone, I promise."

The news was a shock, but Ollie had pushed that and any of his own feelings away. Ash was the important one here - just being what she needed was the important thing.

Ashleigh wouldn't ever 'get over' Ed. She hoped that one day she'd learn to function without him but she'd never be over him. Ashleigh Barton would always love Edward McMillan... she wasn't capable of doing anything else.

"I... I can't do that, Ollie," she protested. "I don't want to steal your future any more than I wanted to steal his... that's why I..." she couldn't even say it.

She saw his face again, the way he looked when she told him that she didn't love him. She'd never know how she'd managed to say those words, how she'd managed to stay standing until he walked out of the room. Once the door had closed behind him, she'd collapsed to the floor and sobbed. She couldn't clearly remember making it back to her dorm but she knew that a part of her had been left in that room.

"You can't do that," she murmured softly. "I just have to... I don't know. I really don't know. I'm just... just make it stop hurting?" Tears rolled down her cheeks again. How was she going to do this without him?

She'd tear her own heart out of her chest if she thought that it'd make her stop hurting. It wouldn't, though. Every inch of her belonged to him... not just her heart.

"You can't stop me," Ollie told her firmly. Ollie didn't have some bright future lined up. He'd be lucky to achieve a single NEWT, the way his grades were. And he'd always loved Ashleigh. Always. There was no way he wasn't going to be there for her through this.

"Ash, nothing is more important to me than you," he assured her, still gently wiping at her tears. "I love you.. there's nothing I wouldn't do for you.. and you're crazy if you think there's anyway you are going to keep me from helping you through this. I might not know how, exactly, to fix things, but I can promise you. I'm not going anywhere. EVER."

He'd been so busy trying to reassure and comfort her that he didn't even know what he was saying.

Bright future or not, Ashleigh did not want someone tying them self to her. This entire... mess was her mistake. No one else should have to pay for it. Ollie shouldn't have to. Ed shouldn't have to. No one other than herself...

She couldn't do anything other than look at him as he spoke. A part of her knew that he truly meant what he was saying... even if she didn't realize exactly just how he meant it.

She relaxed into his chest, not because she was calming but because she was exhausted. "I don't know how to be a mother. I don't... I'm not going to know how to do this. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I was supposed to be married. I was... it was supposed to be planned. I wasn't supposed to be like my mother."

She stared blankly off into space as she spoke. This is not how her life was supposed to end. She was supposed to marry Ed... have children... live happily ever after... Ashleigh wasn't supposed to end up knocked up during her last year of school and so miserably heart broken she couldn't even move.

"You're not, Ash, you could never be your mother," Ollie countered, shaking his head at her. He pulled his fingers gently through her hair, willing her to know it was all going to be alright.

"I know you're scared.. you should be, this is.. it's big, but you couldn't be her if you tried.. and I'm not going to let you do this alone, alright? I'm going to.. I'll be there. We'll find a nice flat and.. we'll do this together, Ash."

Ollie didn't care that this child wasn't his. He didn't are that she'd never love him the way he loved her. He was going to take care of her and her child as if it was her own.

Ashleigh could only shake her head in protest. She was exactly like her mother. Even if she never turned into the bitter woman that had raised her, their situations were suddenly eerily similar. They'd both gotten pregnant during their seventh year at Hogwarts and they'd both lost the greatest love of their life.

This wasn't scary... it was terrifying. She didn't know how to be a mother. She didn't even know how to cook. "I can't do this," she murmured quietly. "I'm not cut out for it."

Somewhere through the haze, she heard his soft reassurances and she looked up at him as if confused. "You can't do that, Ollie," she told him softly. "You're supposed to.. you're supposed to start your own family. I.. I can't take that from you. You're supposed to fall in love, get married, and have children." He was supposed to have all the things she had wanted.

It was stupid but Ashleigh didn't get it. She didn't understand that he loved her as more than a friend. In her mind, he was offering to give up his entire future just so that she wasn't alone. Really, what girl in their right mind would want to start a relationship with a guy who seemingly had a wife and child? He might not have been very career oriented but she couldn't take away his chance at having his own family... and he couldn't deny wanting that.

"You can, Ash.. I promise you can." Ollie knew she could do it. She was a lot stronger than she gave herself credit for and there was no way he was letting her go through this alone. It might not seem like it now, but it would work out.

When she insisted that he couldn't ruin his own future for her, he said the first thing that came to mind, without actually thinking of what he was admitting.

"There's only one girl I've ever wanted that kind of things with, Ashleigh, and she's sitting right here."

It was the truth, but he hadn't meant to say it like this or at this moment. He hadn't planned it at all, but he definitely didn't think this was a good time to tell her how he felt. He just was really focused on comforting and reassuring her now and he'd kind of forgotten to watch what he was saying.

He was probably right. It would work out. At some point, she'd pull herself together and she'd make an amazing mother. Right now, though, it felt as if the entire world was crashing down around her shoulders and she couldn't do anything to stop it.

Ashleigh's eyes had been locked with his as she tried to convince him that he couldn't give up everything just to help her through her mistake and her eyes were still on his when he tried to reassure her yet again.

"Ollie, I..." she couldn't process what he was saying. It was all too much. Her brain wouldn't wrap around it. He couldn't feel that way about her... she was in love with Ed and she'd just broke it off... Ollie couldn't feel that way about her. "Ollie... I..."

She bit her bottom lip, then, and before she thought about what she was doing, she'd shifted a little and pressed her lips softly to his.

It wasn't a kiss that said she wanted the same things with him. It was a kiss that said she was thankful... and as soon as she pulled out of that kiss, the actual words would be voiced as well.

Ollie wasn't thinking about the reason for the kiss. He was first busy mentally kicking himself for saying what he had and then.. then there were lips. Ashleigh!lips. All Ollie could think about in that moment was how many years he'd dreamed of kissing this girl.

His hand slipped into her hair as he returned it, his lips moving softly against hers at first, but then he couldn't resist deepening it a little bit, running his tongue lightly over her lower lip as his hands tugged her a bit closer.

It was probably wrong, but the moment her lips touched his, Ollie forgot about everything else - everything but how badly he'd wanted this for as long as he could remember.

Ashleigh was certain that her heart had never ached like this before. She wasn't a stranger to emotional pain but nothing had ever hurt like this... her mother hadn't even managed to break her as badly as breaking up with Ed did.

Honestly, she didn't know what had come over her when she had kissed Ollie. She wasn't over Ed. He'd just been saying that he loved her and swearing that he'd stand beside her through this and it had just... seemed right.

Before she realized what was happening, his arms tightened around her and he deepened the kiss. Something inside of her screamed that she should stop, that she wasn't kissing Ed, but she lost herself in the embrace.

Her lips parted slightly as his tongue moved softly over her bottom lip and she pushed her own tongue forward so that it could brush against his.

She was sure to regret it later but, for now, the physical contact between them seemed to lessen the pain.

Ollie was sure to come to his senses soon or he was at least sure to remember himself enough to to let thing go beyond this - kissing her. Kissing Ashleigh was like coming home, though. For all he'd been with other girls, they couldn't even compare to how it felt to do this with her.

His hand was in her hair a he let out a soft groan as her tongue grazed his. Ollie was in Heaven and he didnt even care st the moment if this wasn't anything but solace for her. It felt too brilliant to care and, honestly, he'd happily let her use him if this could help her forget for a moment, help her feel better.

His lips kept moving against hers, keeping up the kiss, but not pushing for more. He'd happily sit here and kiss her all night if he could. Though, he also had a mind to get her up to his room and hold her all night, too. He just wasn't about to stop kissing her long enough to suggest it right this instant.

Ashleigh's heart didn't ache so much when his lips were pressed to hers and she clung to that feeling with both hands.

Unconsciously, she shifted closer and deepened the kiss a little more. The hand that she'd rested against his chest to brace herself moved so that she could slip a little further into his lap.

Just a few more moments of peace and she was sure to come to her senses. A few more seconds and she would put an end to this. If only she could feel like she wasn't dying for a little while longer.

A very small part of Ollie felt guilty, like he might be taking advantage of her right now, but something about the way she seemed to be almost clinging to him, something about the emotions behind it made him feel like it was okay - or maybe that's just what he told himself so he wouldn't feel so guilty.

He shifted to support her a little better when she shifted into his lap and even if it was wrong, Ollie couldn't help really, really enjoying this. He'd dreamed of kissing Ashleigh for far too long to not enjoy doing it now and he couldn't help smiling a little against her lips.

He was definitely more than happy to keep up the kissing for as long as she needed to - as long as she would let him.

Ollie most definitely wasn't taking advantage of her. Ashleigh had been the one to initiate the kiss and she had been the one to deepen it. If anything, she was taking advantage of him.

An innocent kiss of thanks had turned into much more. It was an escape, a way for her to forget her problems, a way for her to feel alive again.

It took a while for her to come to her senses and when she did, she backed out of the kiss slowly. She brushed one more, gentle kiss over his lips before resting her head against his chest again.

She thought briefly of apologizing but decided against it.

Ashleigh was so exhausted that she could hardly think straight but it felt good to be near him and she didn't want to leave that in order to go back up to her bed.

"Thanks, Ollie," she mumbled after a moment.

"Anytime, Ash," he replied quietly, his hand moving gently through her hair as he pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head. Ollie loved Ashleigh and... there was nothing he wouldn't do for her, especiaaly something he'd wanted to do for years anyway.

He sat there for a few moments, just holding her before he spoke again. "Have you eaten?" he asked, his tone full of love and worry. "Or slept?" He knew her well enough to suspect it had been awhile since she'd done either and now that he was here, it was his job to take care of these things.

"Yeah... a few days ago."

Ashleigh didn't move as she spoke, she didn't even look up at him.

It was no secret that she hadn't been sleeping well for months but that had only gotten worse since she'd broken up with Ed. Sleep was absolutely impossible without him and, now, she couldn't even find solace in their classroom.

Food felt pointless. She didn't want to eat, most of the time she didn't even want to breathe. She felt broken without him.

Ashleigh should have known that Ollie would never accept an answer like that but, at the moment, she simply didn't have the strength to come up with a good lie. She hadn't slept or eaten for days... but he'd probably would have known that whether she told the truth or not.

Ollie had suspected as much. He was glad to hear her being truthful, especially when he was pretty sure he would have known if she'd lied to him. He liked to know that he knew her well enough for that.

"I know you probably don't want to, but you need to do both," he pushed gently, slipping his free hand into hers and giving a gentle squeeze. "I've got some things in my room, nicked from the kitchens, if you don't feel up to the Great Hall.."

"No!" she protested just a little too adamantly. "Not.. not the Great Hall. I'll eat and I'll try to sleep but I wont go there."

Ashleigh couldn't face him. She couldn't see him. If she did, she'd lose her resolve... she'd crumble to her knees, explain everything, and beg him to forgive her and she couldn't be that selfish. She just had to... she had to avoid him for the rest of the year.

Calming a little, she looked down at the hand that was wrapped around hers. "I just can't see him, Ollie," she explained. "It's too hard. He... I... I can't."

Which is why she hadn't been going to class. If her eyes locked with his, she wouldn't be able to do this. Not to mention, she had to look completely and utterly horrible. She didn't want him to see her this way.

Ollie nodded as soon as she started to speak. He figured she might not want to face the Great Hall right now and he didn't really blame her for that.

"Shhh, it's okay.. you don't have to.." he pulled her back into his arms when she started to sound upset again. "We can go upstairs, okay?" he assured her, pulling back again to let his hand slip back into hers. "We'll get you to food and some rest.. I promise it'll be okay."

Ashleigh nodded her head but she couldn't find it in herself to believe the words he was saying. Without Ed, nothing would ever be okay and, regardless of how silly that sounded, she believed it from the bottom of her heart.

"Okay," she agreed as she finally found the energy to push herself off of the sofa.

She had to eat. She had to sleep. If she couldn't find the will to do these things for herself, she had to force herself to remember the child growing inside of her. Whether she was used to the idea or not, it needed her to do these things in order for it to survive.

Once she was standing she looked back at him. It had been a while since she and Ollie had shared a bed but maybe she'd actually be able to get some sleep if he was holding her.

That's what Ollie was here for, to make sure she took care of herself. The baby just made it more important, but he'd have insisted she do this, anyway.

"C'mon," he prodded softly, helping her up from the couch, smiling gently at her. "I'm pretty sure I've got some cookies up there and we'll make sure you actually get some sleep after we get you fed, okay?"

He slipped an arm around her and started to walk her towards the stairs. The sooner they got up there, the sooner he could take care of her.

Ashleigh didn't really want to move but she slipped her fingers into his and allowed him to pull her away from the sofa. Once his arm had slipped around her shoulders, she leaned into him and mumbled an obedient, "Okay."

Cookies were her favorite food but, at the moment, they couldn't even tempt her. Honestly, the thought of consuming food made her stomach churn. However, the thought of not sleeping alone was enough to make her agree.

"Thanks, Ollie," she murmured softly as they made their way up the stairs.

"Anytime, Ash," he returned softly, pulling her close as he led her up to the boys' dorms. He let them into his room once they got up there, pulling her over to his bed.

"Cookies or sleep?" he asked as he said on the bed, tugging her with him. He'd be fine with letting her do either, so long as one of those two things happened.

As stated, Ashleigh and Ollie had shared a bed on more than one occasion but it had been months since they'd had the opportunity. She would deny that she'd stopped such activities because she'd had a boyfriend but that was exactly what had happened. As soon as things had turned serious between she and Ed, she'd felt almost guilty for sleeping next to Ollie. It was truly innocent but a part of her had been sure that Ed wouldn't have approved and, really, she had always been a little afraid of making him angry with her.

She hesitated slightly before finally lowering herself onto the bed beside him. Was she going to be like this forever? Years from now would she still have to remind herself that she no longer belonged to Ed?

"Sleep," she decided. "I promise that I'll eat if I can only get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep."

A large part of her still wanted to run to their empty classroom every time something bothered her. That was one habit she was going to have a hard time breaking.

Ollie nodded and crawled into the bed, sliding over to make room for her, pulling her into his arm as soon as she followed.

He pressed kisses to her cheeks and forehead, stroked his fingers through her hair, basically tried to do whatever he could to comfort her and help her to relax.

As soon as Ashleigh had slipped into his side, she closed her eyes and began willing herself to sleep. Something inside of her said that she just needed a few hours of sleep but something else told her that that wouldn't even help.

She couldn't stop herself from sighing softly when his lips began brushing softly over her forehead and cheeks. She'd never admit to doing it but, with her eyes closed like this, she could pretend that the arms wrapped around her belonged to Ed.

It took several moments but, after a bit, she found herself drifting off to sleep. "I love you," she murmured, still lost in her imaginary world where she was still able to curl up next to Ed when she was upset.

"I love you, Ash," Ollie whispered the words back. He hadn't though about her words not being directed at him. He knew she didn't mean them the way he did, but she was his best friend - he expected she did love him in some way, even if it wasn't how he wanted her to.

He fell silent, then, wanting her to actually get to sleep. They could talk later, after she'd rested for awhile. Right now, he getting some rest was the most important thing.

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